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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics

1000 replies

MyrtleLion · 16/05/2026 19:56

Welcome to the nth iteration of the Bluestocking women’s pub, where gerbils are staff, the drinks are free, and alcohol has no effect except to get you to the sweet spot just before the drink you really shouldn’t have had.

Men can go to the Staunch Ally next door.

It’s OK if you don’t understand. Just assume everything is normal.

Previous thread is here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5523989-bluestocking-womens-pub-its-maytime

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
OP posts:
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158
PastaAllaNorma · 26/05/2026 10:57

I have a vintage one made of pheasant feathers on tortoise shell celluloid staves, but it's up two flights of stairs so I can't be arsed getting it. It belonged to MrPasta's grandmother, I think.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 11:00

If I had a fan that beautiful, I would use it, @FuzzyPuffling - and I’m sure you look amazing.

The Dreadnork is a perfect name!

It’s beautifully sunny here, but not roasting hot, like Darn Sarf - though it is hot enough to be too hot for the dogs, so dh had them out before 8am today, and they won’t get another walk until later in the evening.

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 11:23

Everyone has a pretty fan but me, it seems. Must find one. I used to have one, I think it had once belonged to my great-grandmother who was Chinese. Can't for the life of me remember what happened to it. Ebony and tortoiseshell I think, so even if I could find it back in the New Country, I doubt I'd get it through customs without them confiscating it!

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 11:35

Well, it's already as warm in the kitchen as it was at the end of the day yesterday! Looks like we might top 87F, which is just a ridiculous temperature for anywhere in Britain at this time of year. If I had wanted burned-to-a-crisp temperatures in May, I would've moved to Sevilla, not Wales!

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 11:38

The weather station says it's 36°C in our back garden currently.

NotAtMyAge · 26/05/2026 11:51

Here in Mid-Wales we're supposed to peak at 30C, feeling like 31C because of no wind. It was too warm for me overnight, with the result that I've been awake since 6. Still cool downstairs, but wait until the sun gets round to the back of the house this afternoon. 😓 I may have to get my pretty Italian fan out, a souvenir from DD on one of our Italian holidays.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 11:59

I don't have a beautiful fan, @AngleofRepose - I have a cheap one I bought from Amazon - it's some sort of wood, and smells nice - it may be cedar.

I am inspired to go and look at pretty fans on Ebay.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 12:01

I've checked, and my fan is sandalwood.

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 12:01

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 11:38

The weather station says it's 36°C in our back garden currently.

Yikes! I know it's a British pasttime to discuss the weather at length, but it really is telling that when I moved to Britain decades and decades ago, I didn't even pack my summer clothes, because there was really no climate differentiation between spring and summer, and it all just morphed into autumn, then a bit cooler in January. And it rained all year, at least it dud in Wales. So I just wore the same things all year. Raincoat, yes, but I don't think I even had a winter coat anymore.

And we used to always get snow, if we got any snow, in April. Haven't had real snow, to speak of, around here for probably almost 9 years now. Maybe we're in a warm pocket here, but it's clear to me that the climate has definitely warmed.

MarieDeGournay · 26/05/2026 12:01

Look, I don't want to be a party-pooper, but doesn't 'The Dreadnork' lack ...um..gravitas?🤔
Swash in the Gosie stories is a fearless sea cap'n, and when she's asked what ship she captains, and says 'The Dreadnork', people like me are going to snigger immaturely.

Maybe Cap'n Swash doesn't mind, and it'll be like Johnny Cash's Boy Named Sue, an incentive to show off her fancy sword-work by challenging the sniggerers:
'Laugh at The Dreadnork, would you, knave? Then laugh at this, mwah ha ha ha!'
<swish swipe parry thrust in theatrically impressive Douglas Fairbanks style>

The splendidly-uniformed Admiral Magpie might also feel it is infra dig -
though it was actually Magpie who suggested The Dreadnork, so you've made your hammock, now lie in it😁

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 12:02

This fan is rather beautiful - but I don't need it. And I'm supposed to be decluttering not recluttering.

Must Resist.

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 12:04

I'm assuming that Swash and I look so impressive, no one will snigger. And if they do, then Swashy can break out her cutlass and slit them open from neck to gizzard.

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 12:08

Actually, possibly Marie has a point. Surrealism is a worthy endeavor, but we don't want to descend into Captain Jack Sparrow levels of hilarity, do we?

(Please don't skewer me, Swashy!)

I still do like Dreadnork...

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 12:11

Maybe the ship can have two names. The Wrathful Blue as the official name, and The Dreadnork as the nickname?

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 12:11

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 12:02

This fan is rather beautiful - but I don't need it. And I'm supposed to be decluttering not recluttering.

Must Resist.

It is very pretty, but looks a bit too delicate for fanning away the overheating. More for hiding behind coquettishly, which is just Not Me! Sandalwood sounds more robust.

MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 12:19

The Dreadnork

In which a pursuit begins...

The Rustler remained visible for most of the afternoon.

Not comfortably visible. Not reassuringly visible. But visible enough that @AuntieMsDamsonCrumble could still see the pale shape of the yacht’s sails against the haze with her binoculars, while Batshit swung ecstatically through the ropes like an escaped maniac.

The Dreadnork was making better speed than anyone had expected. The steady southerly wind filled the square sails cleanly from astern while the long swell rolled beneath the hull.

Even so, the yacht remained faster. Every hour it edged a little further west.

“They are still following the same heading,” said Octavia from the quarterdeck. “No sign of turning towards France.”

@Swashbuckled nodded once without looking round from the helm.

By late afternoon the Devon coastline had become soft and blue beneath the heat haze. Nobody had meant to remain on board this long.

At first it had still felt temporary. Follow the yacht for a while. Keep sight of it. Work out where it was heading. Now the Channel itself seemed to be slowly unfolding westward around them.

Hedgehog finally closed the chart she had been pretending not to study. “I need to return to the Bluestocking,” she said.

Gosie looked alarmed. “You’re not making Swashbuckled turn back.”

“I am absolutely not making Swashbuckled turn back.”

Far ahead, almost lost now in the bright western light, the Rustler continued west. Nobody liked how far away it had become.

“We need a way ashore without stopping the ship,” said Hedgehog.

Nobody spoke. Then @Magpiecomplex stood up quietly. Several people looked at her.

“Oh,” said @AngleofRepose. “Yes.”

A moment later Magpie was circling once above the mast and heading back towards the coast.

At the Bluestocking no-one had heard anything since news of Gosie’s kidnap the previous day. By early evening the gerbils were on the verge of panic. Emergency baking operations were fully underway and the swimming pool of gin and tonic was almost half empty.

“You’d think they’d have called,” said @JanesLittleGirl for at least the fifth time.

“Why haven’t they called?” demanded Geranium.

“Why haven’t we called?” asked Glandular.

@MarieDeGournaypointed out that a seventeenth-century galleon was somewhat limited in charging facilities. This did not improve matters.

At that moment a blur of black-and-white wings swept through the doorway and landed neatly on the back of a chair. Her coat glittered with mirrors and sequins so brightly she commanded a localised eclipse. Everyone reached for their sunglasses.

"Magpie!” shouted several voices at once.

Magpie folded her wings calmly. “Gosie’s safe,” she announced.

The relief that moved through the pub was immediate.

“She’s aboard The Dreadnork,” Magpie continued. “They’re following a yacht west through the Channel.”

“Of course they are,” said MyrtleLion.

“The yacht is ahead of them,” said Magpie. “It's fast.”

That somehow made the whole thing worse.

“Where are they heading?” asked Maud.

“West. That's all we know,” said Magpie. “They need help to work out where exactly. Supplies. Information. Swashbuckled isn’t stopping.”

Outside, something vast passed slowly across the windows. The ceiling beams creaked gently.

A few moments later @ErrolTheDragon ducked her enormous head politely through the doorway. She smelled faintly of hot metal and sulphur.

“Oh good,” said Maud. “Transport.”

Errol departed almost immediately.

When she returned some time later she carried Angle, the Box of Distractions, and Hedgehog clutching several large bundles of damp manifests tied together with rope.
The mood of the pub shifted the moment the documents appeared.

Tables were cleared. Lamps were lit. Several shipping gerbils emerged from somewhere downstairs carrying notebooks, rulers, tiny spectacles and expressions of intense professional concentration.

Gazette immediately climbed onto three stacked books in order to reach the table properly. Gunwale produced a ruler, two pencils and a small brass compass from somewhere inside her waistcoat. Galliard peered severely over her spectacles and began sorting damp manifests into neat piles with terrifying speed.

Within minutes papers covered nearly every available surface. Hedgehog was already cross-referencing shipment dates against a harbour chart while Angle held pages flat beneath the lamps as sea damp tried to curl them shut again.

“These markings repeat,” said Gazette, flattening a page beside the fire.

“Not destinations,” muttered Gunwale. “Routes. Numbers. Dates. Weather marks. Coordinates.”

“Time zones,” said Hedgehog suddenly. “They’re crossing the Atlantic Ocean.

Angle looked up sharply. “To where?”

The analysis continued well into the evening. Then Galliard looked up very slowly. “Oh,” she said.

The room fell quiet.

“What?” asked Angle.

Galliard adjusted her spectacles. “I think,” she said carefully, “they’re sailing to Maine.”

By the time Errol returned to The Dreadnork the western sky had deepened into gold. The yacht was still visible. Barely. Sometimes the Rustler vanished completely as the long rolling sea swelled before reappearing as a pale sliver against the horizon.

Swashbuckled had not left the helm once.

Octavia looked up as Errol’s shadow crossed the deck.

“Well?” she asked.

Hedgehog and JanesLittleGirl climbed carefully down from the dragon’s back. Jane was carrying a toolbox almost as large as herself and wore the expression of somebody entirely prepared to reverse a forklift onto a moving pirate ship if circumstances required. Hedgehog carried charts.

“The Bluestocking’s been through the manifests,” she said. “The routes match transatlantic shipping. They're heading for Maine.”

There was a stunned silence until Octavia said, “You cannot seriously intend to pursue them across the Atlantic.”

Swashbuckled looked genuinely surprised. “That is historically how most Atlantic pursuits began.”

“The Rustler 36 is specifically designed for offshore endurance,” said Octavia patiently. “That yacht was built to cross oceans efficiently. On the other hand, this… this… vessel was built to threaten Spanish treasure fleets while everyone aboard contracted scurvy.”

“And yet this ship has safely crossed the Atlantic many times,” said Swashbuckled.

“Modern yachts are safer, faster and dramatically more manoeuvrable.”

“But can they fire cannons?” asked Swashbuckled.

“No.”

“Then I fail to see the advantage.”

“We will also need supplies,” said Octavia. “A great many supplies.”

Hedgehog scoffed. “The Bluestocking has never yet failed to produce impossible quantities of food at very short notice.”

“This,” said Octavia, “is a deeply irresponsible plan.”

“Good,” said Swashbuckled. “I was worried we were becoming respectable.”

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/the-dreadnork

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
OP posts:
MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 12:25

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 12:11

Maybe the ship can have two names. The Wrathful Blue as the official name, and The Dreadnork as the nickname?

@MarieDeGournay's point will be addressed in a future episode...

Do keep making suggestions. It makes the story better.

OP posts:
Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 12:39

I love my outfit, @MyrtleLion!

Boiledbeetle · 26/05/2026 12:40

Just been in the kitchen.

Don't want to do that again until much later!

Same temp as yesterday. Only today I used the same equipment front and back to measure, rather than the meat thermometer in the kitchen yesterday.

I'm boiled i tell you. Boiled!

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
FuzzyPuffling · 26/05/2026 12:47

Got enough Marmite, Boily? 😁

MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 12:47

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 12:39

I love my outfit, @MyrtleLion!

Just bring extra sunglasses so we don't burn our retinas 🤣

OP posts:
Chickadeeinme · 26/05/2026 12:52

And in Maine a tiny chickadee hoisted a Union flag outside her house and sent a warning notice to Becky’s Diner on the waterfront that a large and multi-species crew would need to be fed and watered.

Boiledbeetle · 26/05/2026 12:57

MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 12:25

@MarieDeGournay's point will be addressed in a future episode...

Do keep making suggestions. It makes the story better.

Could one of the lifeboats that I'm sure @Swashbuckled must have (health and safety and all that, remember the gerbils are unionised) be called the Dreadnork? Or the little boat that's needed to get to shore when the galleon can't dock?

ErrolTheDragon · 26/05/2026 13:02

Boiledbeetle · 26/05/2026 12:57

Could one of the lifeboats that I'm sure @Swashbuckled must have (health and safety and all that, remember the gerbils are unionised) be called the Dreadnork? Or the little boat that's needed to get to shore when the galleon can't dock?

The tender Dreadnork?

ChristmasStars · 26/05/2026 13:12

“This,” said Octavia, “is a deeply irresponsible plan.”

“Good,” said Swashbuckled. “I was worried we were becoming respectable.”

My favourite lines so far!

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