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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics

1000 replies

MyrtleLion · 16/05/2026 19:56

Welcome to the nth iteration of the Bluestocking women’s pub, where gerbils are staff, the drinks are free, and alcohol has no effect except to get you to the sweet spot just before the drink you really shouldn’t have had.

Men can go to the Staunch Ally next door.

It’s OK if you don’t understand. Just assume everything is normal.

Previous thread is here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5523989-bluestocking-womens-pub-its-maytime

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
OP posts:
Thread gallery
158
Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 13:17

ErrolTheDragon · 26/05/2026 13:02

The tender Dreadnork?

😂

PastaAllaNorma · 26/05/2026 13:27

Boiledbeetle · 26/05/2026 12:57

Could one of the lifeboats that I'm sure @Swashbuckled must have (health and safety and all that, remember the gerbils are unionised) be called the Dreadnork? Or the little boat that's needed to get to shore when the galleon can't dock?

I misunderstood - I thought the name of our glorious figurehead on the Wrathful Blues was called Dreadnorks.

FuzzyPuffling · 26/05/2026 13:57

DreadnorkyMcDreadnorkface?

Thehorticulturalhussie · 26/05/2026 13:59

PastaAllaNorma · 26/05/2026 13:27

I misunderstood - I thought the name of our glorious figurehead on the Wrathful Blues was called Dreadnorks.

I think that this is the best use of the name. She's a mythical warrior woman of the sea, famed and feared in equal measure for her flowing jet black locks entwined with glistening blades, her gravity-defying and frankly terrifying decolletage and her complete lack of any sense of humour. Men have made only slightly off- colour comments about her fabulous norks and paid the ultimate price. She wields that boathook like a scimitar.

EmpressaurusKitty · 26/05/2026 14:05

There’s an article here about fans as weapons, just in case anyone might find it relevant.

www.ancient-origins.net/artifacts-ancient-technology/tessen-0010670#

ErrolTheDragon · 26/05/2026 14:05

Thehorticulturalhussie · 26/05/2026 13:59

I think that this is the best use of the name. She's a mythical warrior woman of the sea, famed and feared in equal measure for her flowing jet black locks entwined with glistening blades, her gravity-defying and frankly terrifying decolletage and her complete lack of any sense of humour. Men have made only slightly off- colour comments about her fabulous norks and paid the ultimate price. She wields that boathook like a scimitar.

Well… a lack of humour about specific subjects which aren’t actually funny, perhaps.

MarieDeGournay · 26/05/2026 14:11

PastaAllaNorma · 26/05/2026 13:27

I misunderstood - I thought the name of our glorious figurehead on the Wrathful Blues was called Dreadnorks.

No that was just me, spreading confusion - or suggestions, as Myrtle thankfully takes them as.
Well, my job is to sit here in the Bluestocking philosophising in French, so what do you expect?

Memo to self: WTF is 'figurehead' in French? and is there a French equivalent of Dreadnought?

I confess that it was only yesterday that I thought 'Dreadnought - oh I see, that's 'Dread' and 'Nought', fear nothing!'
On the whole I'm pretty clever, letters after my name an' all that, speak a number of languages - but every now and then, like the Dreadnought incident, I can reveal myself to be very very unperceptive and even a bit dense😒

I get teased by my friends when they have to explain something obvious like 2+2=4 to me and I go 'Oh yeah... I see that now... never occurred to me before...'.
I've learned to live with the teasing I get, because there's usually an affectionate tone to the 'Oh honestly! for heaven's sake, Marie!'Smile

Figurehead is 'figure de proue'.
I reckon the equivalent of The Dreadnought would be 'L'Intrépide'.

EmpressaurusKitty · 26/05/2026 14:19

@MyrtleLion, please ignore if this isn’t a helpful suggestion….

Kitty was deep in thought.

She was fairly sure that Gosie had understood the importance of what she had shown her, but it paled into insignificance next to her latest pair of discoveries. She’d have recognised them by the smell if nothing else.

@Boiledbeetle had been wearing those Highland cow slippers when she came to steal Empressaurus’s blanket, & had bribed Kitty with Dreamies to keep quiet.

So if the slippers were lying in the pile of boxes she’d been stealing from… where was Boily?

MarieDeGournay · 26/05/2026 14:21

Men have made only slightly off- colour comments about her fabulous norks and paid the ultimate price. She wields that boathook like a scimitar.

You mean like the unfortunate sailor who called out:
'Dreadnorks in view! Avast behind!'
'How dare you!Take that!'
😄

Thehorticulturalhussie · 26/05/2026 14:31

MarieDeGournay · 26/05/2026 14:21

Men have made only slightly off- colour comments about her fabulous norks and paid the ultimate price. She wields that boathook like a scimitar.

You mean like the unfortunate sailor who called out:
'Dreadnorks in view! Avast behind!'
'How dare you!Take that!'
😄

Indeed. The late Prince Philip was fortunate never to have met her.

MarieDeGournay · 26/05/2026 14:31

Chickadeeinme · 26/05/2026 12:52

And in Maine a tiny chickadee hoisted a Union flag outside her house and sent a warning notice to Becky’s Diner on the waterfront that a large and multi-species crew would need to be fed and watered.

You're missing a trick, Chickadee - you could follow the example of Anna Smith Strong in the American Revolution - she signalled that reinforcements had landed in the area by hanging a black petticoat on her clothesline, and the number of socks was the code for which cove they had landed atSmile

MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 15:02

Once an episode is published it becomes canon. So the galleon is called The Dreadnork.

But your views are noted and incorporated where possible. So @MarieDeGournay I know exactly how to incorporate your point, so it will be addressed but not yet.

If something is preposterous because it won't fit the bluestocking world then I reserve the right to ignore it. But don't let that stop you.

You are all so wonderfully inventive that you are coming up with ideas faster than I can write them in!

Next episode incoming...

OP posts:
MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 15:21

The Expedition Begins

In which the gerbils mobilise...

By breakfast the following morning it had become apparent that the Bluestocking had interpreted “Atlantic pursuit” as a fully operational logistical category.

Nobody was entirely certain when the transformation had occurred.

At dawn The Dreadnork had still resembled an improbable rescue expedition held together largely by determination, sea air and @Swashbuckled's complete inability to recognise practical limitations.

By eight o’clock it was beginning to resemble a functioning maritime operation. Barrels had appeared. Nobody knew from where.

Coils of rope now occupied parts of the deck that had definitely been empty the previous evening. Sailcloth was drying neatly across the stern rail. Someone had produced lantern oil, spare charts, medical supplies, waterproofs, smoked fish, three crates of biscuits and what appeared to be a disturbingly comprehensive emergency jam inventory.

@JanesLittleGirl had somehow taken command of the aft cargo arrangements less than an hour after boarding.

“This is appalling load distribution,” she announced, staring at a stack of barrels with personal disappointment. “Who secured this?”

Several gerbils looked faintly embarrassed.

Far overhead Batshit swung joyfully through the rigging screaming, “ATLAAAAAAANTIC!”

Octavia Briefcase emerged cautiously from below deck carrying a cup of coffee and the expression of an ocelot slowly realising she had accidentally joined a seventeenth-century naval campaign.

“Why,” she asked carefully, “are there now more barrels?”

“No idea,” said @Thehorticulturalhussie cheerfully, “but they're bound to come in useful.”

At that moment three capybaras emerged from the forward hatch carrying timber. Nobody questioned this either.

Behind them, unnoticed by almost everybody, several hundred gerbils carrying trays of tea and industrial quantities of Tunnocks Teacakes had somehow already appeared aboard ship.

Tiny voices drifted politely across the deck.
“Tea, madam?”
“Extra marshmallows?”
“Careful, starboard side please.”
“Mind the cannon.”

Octavia stopped walking. She turned slowly.

The gerbils continued flowing around the ship in impossibly organised streams carrying mugs, blankets, clipboards and baked goods with the calm efficiency of a small but highly disciplined naval bureaucracy.

“Where,” asked Octavia, “did all these gerbils come from?”

“The Bluestocking,” said @Magpiecomplex, as though this explained organised maritime deployment perfectly.

Ahead of them the Rustler remained visible only intermittently now. Sometimes the yacht vanished completely before reappearing briefly as a pale shard against the western horizon. Swashbuckled watched it steadily from the helm.

“We’re losing ground,” said Octavia quietly.

“Mm,” said Swashbuckled. “But not quickly.”

The wind remained steady from the south, filling the great square sails with a deep rolling thunder every time the ship shifted across the swell.

@RandomHypatia was already seated beside the mainmast surrounded by charts, books and several increasingly stressed-looking navigational gerbils. “This heading still makes sense for Maine,” she said without looking up. “If they continue north-west once clear of the Channel approaches.”

“Assuming they continue directly,” said Hedgehog.

“They won’t,” said Gosie immediately.

Everybody looked at her.

“The yacht kept stopping,” she said. “Not for repairs. For meetings. Deliveries. Something organised.”

Hedgehog nodded grimly. “The manifests suggest staging points all along the route.”

“That,” said Octavia, “is not reassuring.”

“No,” said Hedgehog. “But it does mean they may remain within reach longer than expected.”

A loud crash sounded from somewhere below deck.

JanesLittleGirl’s voice followed immediately afterwards. “WHO STORED PICKLED ONIONS NEXT TO THE BLACK POWDER?”

Back at the Bluestocking the situation had become both maritime and administrative.

The gerbils were deep in discussion about maps, inventories, rope samples, shipping schedules and increasingly heated theories concerning waterproof biscuit storage.
Nobody appeared entirely certain who was in charge. This did not seem to matter.

Geranium was directing emergency baking operations with the grim focus of someone preparing for a prolonged naval siege. Glandular had somehow acquired three ledger books and was attempting to create a transatlantic supply tracking system despite not fully understanding what a transatlantic crossing actually involved.

Near the fireplace, two guinea pigs were sorting potatoes by emotional resilience.

The gerbils had divided naturally into specialist departments overnight. Hospitality gerbils circulated continuously with tea. Shipping gerbils had occupied the long tables and were now surrounded by manifests, rulers and tiny handwritten labels. Several engineering gerbils were constructing something pulley-related in the corner.

Nobody asked.

@AngleofRepose stood beside the bar watching the whole operation with mild astonishment. “It’s becoming rather organised,” she observed.

“That’s usually a warning sign,” said MyrtleLion.

Outside, @ErrolTheDragon's enormous shadow passed slowly across the windows once again as another load of supplies vanished skyward towards The Dreadnork. Nobody even looked up.

At one table @NotAtMyAge narrowed her eyes thoughtfully over the rim of an alarming quantity of coffee. “Well,” she said, “with my Viking ancestry, it does rather seem possible that a longboat may shortly become relevant.”

There was a pause.

MyrtleLion said cautiously, “How many Vikings are we talking about exactly?”

“Difficult to say,” said NotAtMyAge. “Historically we did tend to arrive in batches.”

Maud stopped polishing glasses. MyrtleLion looked wary immediately. Angle closed one eye briefly in the manner of someone recognising danger approaching from a great distance across open water. “Oh no,” she said quietly. “Please tell me you do not actually own a longboat.”

“Oh certainly not,” said NotAtMyAge. “That would be ridiculous.”

Another pause followed.

“…however,” she added, “my cousin Runehild does know a woman in Orkney.”

Several people closed their eyes.

Angle looked up sharply. “Actual Orkney or symbolic Orkney?”

“Actual Orkney,” said NotAtMyAge.

This somehow made matters much worse. “Well,” she continued thoughtfully, “ceremonial longboats are usually much easier to obtain.”

Nobody liked the direction this was taking.

“Why,” asked Angle carefully, “is there a distinction?”

“People become oddly enthusiastic if one mentions festivals,” said NotAtMyAge. “One can generally acquire at least three longboats, six extremely committed Norsewomen and a folk band within about forty-eight hours.”

There was silence.

“And the practical kind?” asked MyrtleLion cautiously.

“Oh,” said NotAtMyAge. “Those belong to the serious Scandinavians."

From the far side of the room came the sound of hurried whispering among the gerbils. One of them produced a clipboard labelled, POSSIBLE VIKING EVENTUALITIES.

“Absolutely not,” said MyrtleLion immediately.

Nobody had actually suggested using a Viking longboat yet, but the mood in the room had already shifted from “surely not” to “well, if one must acquire Vikings, best do it properly.”

A low shape appeared alongside The Dreadnork shortly before dusk.

At first Octavia assumed it was another basking shark moving slowly across the Atlantic swell. Then the shape lifted cleanly on the water and she realised with horror that it possessed oars.

A longboat slid across the darkening sea with unnerving speed and complete steadiness. Six extremely solid-looking women were rowing with the calm concentration of people who considered the North Atlantic a personal acquaintance.

NotAtMyAge arrived alongside The Dreadnork as though pulling up beside a moving seventeenth-century galleon in open water were an entirely ordinary social call.

“Ahoy!” she called out. “We brought supplies.”

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/the-expedition-begins

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
OP posts:
Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 15:34

It just gets better and better! My compliments to you and your AI, Myrtle!

MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 15:37

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 15:34

It just gets better and better! My compliments to you and your AI, Myrtle!

Thank you! I'm really enjoying writing prompting AI to write it.

OP posts:
AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 15:42

Eek! <best gerbil squeak imitation >

This is getting good...!

AuntieMsDamsonCrumble · 26/05/2026 15:44

I've just come down on deck as it was getting a bit blurry trying to keep sight of the Rustler in this heat. Gimbal has taken over and I've left Batshit snoozing in the rigging - I'm sure she is half dog, half gibbon!

A pot of tea and some of those Tunnocks please gerbils.

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 15:46

MyrtleLion · 26/05/2026 15:37

Thank you! I'm really enjoying writing prompting AI to write it.

Especially in this heat. Brava!

JanesLittleGirl · 26/05/2026 15:46

Just to be clear, in the event of there being a sea battle, I have baggsied the job of furniture boat bo'sun.

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 15:52

Getting hotter. It's 27C at the back of the house. I may have to consider sleeping downstairs tonight. Time to get the sofa bed sorted.

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 15:59

AngleofRepose · 26/05/2026 15:52

Getting hotter. It's 27C at the back of the house. I may have to consider sleeping downstairs tonight. Time to get the sofa bed sorted.

Closer to 30C upstairs! Definitely sofa bed 😫

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/05/2026 16:00

If the longboat could come the long way round, I could meet it on the Clyde coast somewhere - Largs, maybe. For a long voyage, the gerbils are bound to need nice, knitted underfugs to keep the essentials warm. Or maybe knitted signal flags. I will bring all I can carry of my yarn stash.

LazyFoxy · 26/05/2026 16:02

Foxes may not be great sailors and can be solitary creatures but can do a fine bood-curdling scream. (Or bark like a dog) might be useful. Also eat rats Envy (not envy)

LazyFoxy · 26/05/2026 17:03

Gerbils!!!! A stiff drink please. Anything will do
(A large anything cocktail if you will)
It's a thread winding me up like a coiled spring and I need to unwind
I tell myself to keep away, don't bite, it's school hols etc etc but it never works

Magpiecomplex · 26/05/2026 17:05

LazyFoxy · 26/05/2026 17:03

Gerbils!!!! A stiff drink please. Anything will do
(A large anything cocktail if you will)
It's a thread winding me up like a coiled spring and I need to unwind
I tell myself to keep away, don't bite, it's school hols etc etc but it never works

Large Anything cocktail!

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
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