Help end medical misogyny. Sign our petition.

Help end medical misogyny.
Sign our petition.

Sign the petition

Please or to access all these features

Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics

1000 replies

MyrtleLion · 16/05/2026 19:56

Welcome to the nth iteration of the Bluestocking women’s pub, where gerbils are staff, the drinks are free, and alcohol has no effect except to get you to the sweet spot just before the drink you really shouldn’t have had.

Men can go to the Staunch Ally next door.

It’s OK if you don’t understand. Just assume everything is normal.

Previous thread is here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5523989-bluestocking-womens-pub-its-maytime

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
OP posts:
Thread gallery
158
Boiledbeetle · 24/05/2026 12:13

MyrtleLion · 23/05/2026 15:37

I used to be a Humanist celebrant and did weddings, namings and funerals. As long as there was no God mentioned, you could have anything. I always included a spare for silent reflection so people could pray.

My last funeral but one was my brother in February 2024. I'm older now than he was, by two months.

We had the Muppets singing Time in a Bottle. It was lovely. This version has chickens doing something else at the end, so you can have a smile.

^^

Yesterday I was one day older than my mother.

She had a humanist funeral and is buried in unconsecrated ground somewhere.

Personally I'm all for no service, no nothing. Drop me off in a sheet at the crematorium, and shove the ashes in the nearest bin on the way home.

And now back to speed reading the 300 plus posts I've missed.

DeanElderberry · 24/05/2026 12:23

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/05/2026 11:32

For true psychological warfare, one needs the Infant school recorder group - 15 children, all playing descant recorders that are slightly differently tuned, some overblowing massively, and none of them playing at the same time. For bonus points, one is playing a completely different tune.

This has been banned under the Geneva convention.

When I was in primary school it was 40 children playing descant recorders. The bloke who used to hit us with a ruler was wrong, obviously, but I doubt any jury would convict if advised of the circumstances.

40 children in each class. It was a very big primary school.

MyrtleLion · 24/05/2026 12:33

I too have craft projects that lie untouched. And didn't practice the violin, viola or piano. I did practice the recorder.

These things are connected by my ADHD diagnosis.

OP posts:
FuzzyPuffling · 24/05/2026 12:38

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/05/2026 11:27

I’ve bought myself a Lino cut kit, @Chickadeeinme - but haven’t actually given it a go yet. I believe that buying craft supplies and doing the crafts are two entirely different hobbies! 😂

I spent many happy (???) hours teaching lino cutting to teenagers.
" Fingers BEHIND the cutters"
"Where do fingers go???....BEHIND the cutters"
<Sigh>

EdithStourton · 24/05/2026 12:40

Magpiecomplex · 24/05/2026 11:50

I'll see your primary school recorder group and raise you a couple of dozen beginner violin torturers players, all tuned slightly differently to start with and changing tune in a hot room, sawing away diligently in a race to the finish.
Or indeed the ten acoustic guitars trying desperately to follow the one accomplished player, and failing abysmally, producing a random collection of enthusiastic plunks in a postmodern interpretation of "music".
Or the very approximate goose strangler saxophone player who reduced Senior Master Magpie to tears of helpless laughter.

It must be nearly 20 years ago now, but I recall sitting patiently, at a primary school summer concert, through a young guitarist's protracted tuning-up.

Then everyone applauded and I realised he'd been playing.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 24/05/2026 12:42

“Class - the aim is to leave here with the same number of fingers as when you entered!”

AlexandraLeaving · 24/05/2026 12:50

The gerbils seem happy enough with Bessie and her friends’ rendition of London’s Burning. Picture to follow, eventually.

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
MyrtleLion · 24/05/2026 12:53

The Tide Turns

In which several matters converge...

The galleon was already well out into the Channel before most of the Bluestocking realised it had actually left.

At the helm, @Swashbuckled stood calmly beneath the stars with one hand resting lightly on the wheel. This was, she felt, probably unnecessary. Hedgehog and Octavia Briefcase were both exceptionally competent. The situation would almost certainly be resolved before they reached Plymouth.

On the other hand, Gosie appeared to have been arrested and one never liked to miss the start of an adventure if one could reasonably help it.

Besides, it had been high tide.

No sensible sailor would wait another twelve hours.

Somewhere overhead Batshit barked ecstatically from the rigging, “WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Swashbuckled closed her eyes briefly.

Ahead of them, faint against the darkness, the lights of Plymouth shimmered along the horizon.

Meanwhile, outside Café Roma, Kevin and Steve had finally fallen silent.

The lobster had achieved what neither legal authority nor emotional appeals had managed. Both gulls were now standing possessively over the demolished remains of the enormous Maine parcel, cracking shells and occasionally slapping one another with fragments of lobster claw.

For the first time all evening, nobody was screaming about calamari.

Across the road, Charles Cross police station still glowed in the warm Bank Holiday darkness.

Hedgehog and Octavia Briefcase were sitting at the next table studying the harbour CCTV while @AngleofRepose drank coffee quietly beside them.

“How on earth,” Angle asked, “did you get hold of a police laptop?”

“You’d be surprised at exactly how cooperative people become when properly cross-examined,” said Octavia.

Angle shut up immediately.

The sergeant emerged from the police station carrying several sheets of paper. “We still haven’t found a trace of Gosie,” she said. “We’re widening the search to the islands and marine structures in the Sound. Mount Edgcumbe, the Breakwater, Drake’s—”

“CALAMARI.”

Kevin said it so loudly that everybody stopped. Steve froze with half a lobster claw in his beak.

“Calamari,” Kevin repeated darkly. Then both gulls immediately returned to dismantling the lobster with renewed concentration.

Nobody spoke for a moment. The sergeant frowned slightly. “Drake’s Island,” she repeated.

“CALAMARI.”

This time Kevin almost screamed it.

Octavia was watching the gulls. “The calamari matters,” she said quietly.

Then she stood up. “We’re coming with you to Drake’s Island.”

“No,” said the sergeant at once. “Absolutely not. We’ll send a launch once we’ve got the harbour team together.”

“How long?”

“It’s a Bank Holiday Sunday,” said the sergeant. “I need authorisation, marine support, somebody to physically locate half the launch crew and—”

Octavia closed the laptop.

Out beyond the harbour lights, a galleon was turning into Plymouth Sound.

“Never mind,” she said. “I’m going to see a pirate about a rescue.”

The galleon swung neatly alongside the harbour wall. Lanterns glowed warmly along the stern. Ropes creaked overhead. High up in the rigging Batshit ricocheted briefly off something nautical.

“That,” said Hedgehog, “does not sound under control.”

“It rarely is,” said Angle.

Swashbuckled stepped ashore first.

Behind her came @EdithStourton looking delighted and Brains looking concerned. @Thehorticulturalhussie carried a small leather roll of lock picks, accompanied by a resigned Hunter. @RandomHypatia clutched several sheets of calculations for reasons nobody entirely understood, and @Magpiecomplex wore enough reflective material to constitute a minor navigational hazard.

Another heavy thump echoed from somewhere below deck.

“The Box of Distractions?” asked Angle cautiously.

“No idea,” said Swashy.

Octavia was already striding towards them.

“Gosie wasn’t arrested,” she said without preamble. “The uniforms were fake. There’s no custody record. Kevin reacted to Drake’s Island and the police are still trying to organise a launch team.”

She glanced towards the dark water beyond the harbour. “This is now a rescue.”
Swashbuckled was already moving.

“Hussie,” she said briskly, “bring the lock picks. Hunter, you’re with me. Somebody retrieve Batshit before she achieves powered flight. RandomHypatia, if any of your calculations involve tides or walls, now would be an excellent time.”

“Already done,” said RandomHypatia.

“Excellent.”

Below deck, something inside the Box of Distractions thumped ominously.

Nobody acknowledged it.

The capybaras were already moving around the deck with the air of engineers who had quietly accepted several hours earlier that this had become a marine extraction exercise.

Brains climbed back aboard with deep moral reluctance. High overhead, Batshit was delighted that she had somehow become tangled in the mainsail.

Hedgehog hauled herself aboard still carrying the police laptop.

Angle disappeared below deck to retrieve the Box of Distractions.

Octavia Briefcase stepped aboard with the assurance of an ocelot who probably owns a ship somewhere.

The capybaras cast off the final rope. Timbers groaned softly beneath the shifting tide. Lantern light slid gold across the black water as the galleon eased away from the harbour wall.

Behind them, Plymouth glittered across the waterfront beneath the Bank Holiday night.

Kevin and Steve abandoned the lobster entirely and took flight, landing heavily in the crow’s nest.

Swashbuckled took the helm. Ahead lay only darkness and Drake’s Island.

“Let’s go get Gosie.”

https://myrtlelion.substack.com/p/the-tide-turns

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
OP posts:
Magpiecomplex · 24/05/2026 13:30

Ooh, I look very swish! Me and the Box of Distractions could be twins!

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
Thehorticulturalhussie · 24/05/2026 13:47

Magpie you look fabulous!
I'm so sooooooooo excited that we're on the way to get Gosie.

AngleofRepose · 24/05/2026 16:25

Oh, this rescue is getting complicated!
I've enjoyed laughing about all your musical encounters. Hope everyone is having a good day, and enjoying the hot weather if you have it (and like hot weather)!

It's not too hot here, probably 26C, but much hotter to come Monday and Tuesday. It's very, very warm in the sun, however. I, like an idiot, decided that today would be a good day to do some weeding and cut the grass. Who does something like that in this heat? I ask you!

I am now overheated and I'm not allowed any sun on my face due to a previous skin condition. I definitely was wearing a hat, though, so I may have escaped this time. But I feel boiled, and not in a good, Beetle way!

MyrtleLion · 24/05/2026 17:05

Oh, this rescue is getting complicated!

You have no idea! 🤣😂🤣

OP posts:
Boiledbeetle · 24/05/2026 17:28

AngleofRepose · 24/05/2026 16:25

Oh, this rescue is getting complicated!
I've enjoyed laughing about all your musical encounters. Hope everyone is having a good day, and enjoying the hot weather if you have it (and like hot weather)!

It's not too hot here, probably 26C, but much hotter to come Monday and Tuesday. It's very, very warm in the sun, however. I, like an idiot, decided that today would be a good day to do some weeding and cut the grass. Who does something like that in this heat? I ask you!

I am now overheated and I'm not allowed any sun on my face due to a previous skin condition. I definitely was wearing a hat, though, so I may have escaped this time. But I feel boiled, and not in a good, Beetle way!

Boiled doesn't do sunshine!

I'm currently taking refuge in a cold room, the back of the house is a no go area. Much too hot.

The Bluestocking Pub: Infinite Cocktails, Questionable Logistics
WearyAuldWumman · 24/05/2026 17:38

Boiledbeetle · 24/05/2026 12:13

Yesterday I was one day older than my mother.

She had a humanist funeral and is buried in unconsecrated ground somewhere.

Personally I'm all for no service, no nothing. Drop me off in a sheet at the crematorium, and shove the ashes in the nearest bin on the way home.

And now back to speed reading the 300 plus posts I've missed.

The local insurance collector (in the days when they collected house-to-house) tried to persuade my great-uncle to buy a funeral policy.

"No."

"But Mr Weary... Surely you want a good funeral?"

"They can fling me ower the back o a dyke for aa A care."

"But Mr Weary....Surely you want a decent Christian burial?"

"Ye'll no hae seen ony deid bodies lyin aboot Cowdenbeath recently?"

Magpiecomplex · 24/05/2026 17:39

Magpie doesn't do sunshine either. I'm your classic blue-tinged Celtic colouring, and I have a large collection of hats and factor 50.

WearyAuldWumman · 24/05/2026 17:45

Magpiecomplex · 24/05/2026 17:39

Magpie doesn't do sunshine either. I'm your classic blue-tinged Celtic colouring, and I have a large collection of hats and factor 50.

Same. Half Eastern-European, but I inherited the peely-wally Scottish skin and the Eastern-European feet...

FuzzyPuffling · 24/05/2026 17:48

DH is a Scot and describes his skin as "milk bottle"

SionnachRuadh · 24/05/2026 17:51

It's definitely too hat for my skin.

Which always reminds me of the joke you have to do in a Belfast accent

Dad (listening to radio): See that, that's Nat King Cole

DC: Who is it then

Waitwhat23 · 24/05/2026 17:52

Years ago, I went to Spain with friends and was told that my factor 50 suncream, long sleeved t-shirts and a hat were 'over the top, surely?!'

And yet, I still burned...

They were, of course, in strappy vests and basically baby oil but did not burn.

WearyAuldWumman · 24/05/2026 17:58

Waitwhat23 · 24/05/2026 17:52

Years ago, I went to Spain with friends and was told that my factor 50 suncream, long sleeved t-shirts and a hat were 'over the top, surely?!'

And yet, I still burned...

They were, of course, in strappy vests and basically baby oil but did not burn.

Sounds familiar: I have two skin colours - pure white and red.

EmpressaurusKitty · 24/05/2026 18:05

I’ve got Italian ancestry. You’d never think it to look at me but the one thing I did get was the Mediterranean tolerance for sun. I just tan.

WearyAuldWumman · 24/05/2026 18:09

EmpressaurusKitty · 24/05/2026 18:05

I’ve got Italian ancestry. You’d never think it to look at me but the one thing I did get was the Mediterranean tolerance for sun. I just tan.

screams about the unfairness of life

AngleofRepose · 24/05/2026 18:12

Boiledbeetle · 24/05/2026 17:28

Boiled doesn't do sunshine!

I'm currently taking refuge in a cold room, the back of the house is a no go area. Much too hot.

Poor beetle 💐

AngleofRepose · 24/05/2026 18:24

EmpressaurusKitty · 24/05/2026 18:05

I’ve got Italian ancestry. You’d never think it to look at me but the one thing I did get was the Mediterranean tolerance for sun. I just tan.

Me, too, it's my heritage. Until I was in my mid-20s, I used to sunbathe, and I do go a very dark mahogany brown. Never burn. But there didn't used to be any sun in Britain, and I find lying on a beach in Majorca more boring than watching paint dry, so it's been no sunbathing for me since then. Much better for my skin, and since I had cancer years ago, I just don't want to risk it. I do wear shorts from May through October, now that Britain has discovered summer, otherwise I just overheat. But it's hat all the time, pulled right down, factor 50 as well, and still I tan on my legs.

EmpressaurusKitty · 24/05/2026 18:27

I’m not keen on sunbathing either, I went for a walk first thing before it got really hot & then spent most of the day dozing in the shade. Given what work’s going to be like for some time to come, having 3 days of doing more or less nothing is a godsend.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.