Always been GC, but now afraid I'm becoming transphobic

[HouseOfGuineaPigs]

I've always been gender critical and 100% in support of safe spaces for natal women only. I'm completely comfortable with being gender critical. But I'm concerned I've crossed a line into becoming a full on bigot, which is something I don't want to be. Due to my own background of mental health and trauma issues I follow pages on this issue on Facebook. I just saw one with a graphic post saying Using Preferred Pronouns Is Suicide Prevention and it made me want to scream and throw things.

I've been suicidal, I've attempted. I've battled see harm and self destructive behaviours since childhood. I should be sympathetic about the struggles people are having . But I feel manipulated seeing posts like that one. I use preferred names when I'm addressing trans persons. I am kind to them, I don't mention their issues. I treat them the same as anyone else. I will call a bloke Sue even if his real name is Bob, it feels odd, but I will do it to be respectful . But calling a he a she is a step too far. I would either use their name or use they.

Why do I feel so strongly that I'm being manipulated ? None of the trans people I know have abused me in any way. They haven't infringed on my boundaries . I have 2 trans friends, another who is non binary and 2 acquaintances. They have all been decent .

I just feel resentful that I'm being made to feel responsible for someone not taking their life because I don't affirm their identity ?

I'm horrible aren't I ? Please sort my head out !

The mods are professional and they are consistent.

Perhaps the issue is your own standards around what is acceptable or not is much more sensitive than the moderation team. You are, after all, here declaring there are bigoted views expressed on this board . Have you reported those posts?

If you feel any post is racist or ‘bigoted’, report it. Threads are only moderated live when the team gets many reports about a thread at once or it is one of their moderated guest posters.

I agree, but there are still plenty of posters doing that. I tend to pick and choose which posts to respond to, follow up on. There are threads within threads.

I made the same connection but asked the opposite question. If some very far left people wrongly insisted GC beliefs were bigoted, perhaps when the same people call anti immigration views racist, they are also wrong then too?

To be fair I am not an HCP and not trained in how to deal with people’s behaviour, but in this hypothetical situation I would see being required to use wrong-sex pronouns and pretend this person was a man as unreasonable (even if I did it to keep my job) and would think they may be narcissistic and controlling in other ways too.

No of course it is not about the birth. I mean things like making unreasonable demands of staff or possibly being controlling towards their partner which might raise safeguarding issues.

As I say I’m not an HCP - but I do have a TM family member and firm boundaries are needed with this person. That’s my experience.

But people in the field of psychology and psychiatry don't agree with your opinion that trans people are mentally unwell. And even if they were, they aren't mentally distressed by being trans identified. So your wish that they feel "well" by not being trans identified is misplaced and rather moot. If you really cared about their emotional wellbeing, you'd support them in being happily trans identified if that's where their happiness lies.

You only want them to be happy if they can be without a trans identity.

So again, you want them to be happy in ways that you agree with and will make life difficult for them if they cannot. You will do that by using whatever power and authority you possess to challenge their identity, and generally speak about them as a monolithic predatory group of people. All because they won't be happy in a way that you find acceptable.

That's a problematic take on life and its inhabitants.

So you'd automatically suspect that a pregnant trans man was abusive to their partner and investigate that rather than focus on their pregnancy and birth?

And based on one person from your family (where you came from and believe that someone must be abusive if they identify as trans), you think all trans people/trans men are like your relative? No it couldn't be the culture of your family where it is obviously your way or the highway, as well demonstrated by your beliefs, it is because they identify as a man that these boundaries are necessary.

Honestly you all are making me less GC than I have ever been. Just by saying these silly things.

my male relative, who is early twenties and has never had a relationship, wants to have his penis removed.
If that isn’t a clear symptom of mental illness, tell me what is.

NF has not changed. His long-standing position is ’othering’ and it’s all to get and retain attention.

They want trans people to suffer rejection and misery in every area of their life by everyone..only then will they be happy.

Such hyperbolic nonsense. I have never seen any FWR poster saying this and it is disingenuous and misleading to frame FWR as ‘anti-trans’.

The vast majority of threads are quite compassionate towards young vulnerable autistic people who are being encouraged to self harm through medication and surgery. Whilst also concerned with preserving women’s rights and safeguarding children.

Language is important and shared understanding the primary basis on which humans can live closely together and coordinate.

There isnt any point when there is a whole feminist board dedicated to the group hatred of trans people. For years, people have gotten away with saying the most sweeping statements about trans identified people, why would the site put a stop to it now?

Ah and here comes the false equivalence of gc=far right
And btw recognising that certain cultures are massively overrepresented in rape stats compared to the general UK population is not racism in the same way that recognising that trans identifying males are 5× more likely to be in jail for sex offences than other men is not transphobic no matter how you try and frame it, its mearly recognising FACTS (i know TRAs hate facts but that's a them problem).
I very much doubt that you are GC when you spout the usual TRA lies, slurs and false teaming whilst trying to guilt/shame posters into expressing a religious observance that they don't believe in

There was another compassion shown. Just users insisting that I challenge maternity service users and call them crazy and deluded and things. Report them and try and get their kids taken away. Call them she and woman so they get used to it. Things like that.

You are not horrible at all. As a pp said, that Facebook post was manipulative. It goes against the Samaritans' advice about posting online:

https://www.samaritans.org/about-samaritans/research-policy/internet-suicide/online-safety-resources/how-talk-about-suicide-safely-online/

"It’s important to remember that suicide is complex and caused by lots of different factors. Avoid attributing it to a single cause, "
....
"Sharing unhelpful posts about suicide can help to spread unintentional harmful messages to thousands of people online. If you're posting about news articles, new research or statistics relating to suicide, try to only share content that comes from a reputable source that talks about suicide in a safe and sensitive way."

I am not suggesting that you should respond to the original message in any way - that's a fight you don't need! - but do feel free to hide or block the message and the person who posted it. Maybe avoid these groups altogether for a while, some online groups do as much harm as good.

There's no such thing as a "pregnant person" only pregnant women and girls

I wonder when people make accusations about those who are protesting immigration whether they are putting everyone who expresses an uncontroversial opinion that immigration should have limits and regulation in with people who are genuinely anti-immigration. I have seen inklings of this across different threads and question if it is overgeneralisation in their words or if they really don’t believe that immigration should be controlled at all.

It is the creep of absolutism?

I have spoken to people who have been at the protests and they are not anti-immigration. They are calling for better solutions for illegal immigrations. This could mean faster and better processing of applications.

Just like there were different groups at the very large march directly after the Supreme Court judgment. There seems to be different groups represented in the protests other people are writing off as only attended by bigots.

I'd say more confused ( due to the teachings of gender identity theory) and mal-adapted to reality than mentally ill in most cases.

Sex is the reality. Gender Identity is confusion. Performing gender doesn't change one's sex. And one's identity is not fixed in stone. It morphs and changes throughout one's life in response to time, circumstance and experience

Maybe cousin never had a relationship because cousin feels sick and wrong with a body with a penis. Maybe after cousin will be able to have the relationships they crave in a body that feels like theirs.

So no, to me that isnt ultimate proof that cousin's feeling that they are in the wrong body is a symptom of mental illness. It could equally be true that being "trapped in the wrong body" has harmed their mental health and such surgery will actually help them heal.

You're using their lack of relationships to prove that they are mentally ill, and I'm thinking it could actually be a clear sign of their very real dysphoria and perhaps I can't empathise with feeling I am in the wrong body, but perhaps it is a valid feeling that trans people have and therefore they should be able to access free and effective healthcare to alleviate those symptoms.

This is what I mean about this site making me less GC. It is when you present these situations to me as if there is one clear answer that I see that there actually isn't and I can see where the other side of the coin has relevance.

Okay but you are one person and likely not even an academic in that field, so why does your opinion matter on a grand scale? Why would I refer to what you say about trans issues, over noted academics in the field?

No, you’re twisting what I said. I said I’d be on guard for it, on the alert. Someone who demands I pretend they are something they are not is IMO more likely than average to be controlling. This is borne out by the trans people I know.

“My way or the highway” describes my TM family member’s attitude, not mine. And by the way it is not one of my DC. I was happy to accept that they are trans IDing and maintain a relationship with them. They are not happy to have anything to do with me because I do not agree to them having full control of my views.

Women and girls are also people believe it or not. It was the woman and girls act 1995 that stated we also count as people or persons.

“There isnt any point when there is a whole feminist board dedicated to the group hatred of trans people. For years, people have gotten away with saying the most sweeping statements about trans identified people, why would the site put a stop to it now?”

So you complain about a board, while doing nothing to fix your perceived issue. And you then use your own prejudiced view about the board to make sweeping statements that are negative generalisations.

I think you are now complaining about a board not being curated to suit your personal view point.

I do think that social services should be monitoring the baby of a woman who thinks she's a man, though......at a distance. The child has rights too - to a normal and natural development and not to be wilfully used by their parents to validate such a thing as a 'gender identity'. Children all have a need for and/or a right to know who their mother is.

Why would you be on alert for anything other than something that shows the pregnancy isnt progressing within normal limits? Why would you be "on guard" just because someone has a pronouns preference? Can you see how your personal opinions would distract you from just doing your job.

Instead of centering someone who is pregnant, youd be more interested in assessing whether they are abusive to their partner and likely co-parent all because of their self identity.

What job do you have?

So just because someone is trans, you think their child should be on some sort of at risk register?

I hope the responses on this thread are reassuring you, OP. Your natural feelings are not signs of a phobia. Being coerced or manipulated into pretending to believe a lie is distressing for a normal honest person.

I have reported some posts i am pretty sure. I dont think any were taken down.