I blame JKRowling

[RedToothBrush]

For shrinking the size of Monster Munch and shrinkflation generally.

Also the existence of belly button fluff

What do you blame her for?

It’s JKR’s fault that my cat just deposited onto my duvet the bit of fresh poo stuck to her fluffy bumcheeks.

Especially the roadworks at Darrington, @TheNightingalesStarling. I am 60, and I’m pretty sure there will still be roadworks at Darrington when I die.

Great minds, @TheCountessofFitzdotterel.

I blame JK Rowling because DS has to listen to her audible books constantly even when he’s asleep and I nearly know them all off by heart now. Totally misses the point of the thread

It's her fault that I'm too tall for Petite length jeans, too short for Regular length jeans and have zero skills in taking my jeans up successfully.

Stupid, lying Wundaweb. I bet JKR invented it.

She was definitely standing behind my garden shed whispering sweet nothings to my cat so he wouldn't come in for his dinner.

And she stole my chocolate out of the fridge.

Fruit flies

That happened to me today too. I should have known it was her! She got Alexa to lie too. 'Rain will start at 2 pm', my arse!

Eta I bet it's her that causing the random glitch in the posts when your text doesn't delete.

It's only fucking happened with this one!

She’s stolen the lovely new home card I bought for my daughter and now can’t find.

..... the death of Hedwig

Gravity and its effect on my jowls. Just stop it. I look like a basset hound.

I blame her for the complete disappearance of a packet of interdental brushes that I KNOW I BOUGHT several weeks ago

Coconut Toblerone! I’m with her at banning this

She injects black mould into the silicone sealant around my bath. Every four years.

It must be her that does it. It's definitely not me.

She uses up all the black ink in my printer.
Then sneaks back to use up the cyan while I'm out buying the black.

It's most vexatious!

I think its her fault i went on mumsnet and developed unacceptable views that i cannot part with

she refuses to pay me for my trouble

She jammed the photocopier at work today, I'm sure of it.

I'm pretty sure she caused it to drizzle on Tuesday for a solid four hours before we were due to check out of a campsite. My living room is full of soggy tent. The dog is not happy.

I can help with one of those. Sainsbury's and Ocado do this one: www.moorishdips.co.uk/range/Humous

Making orange oafism great again?

I blame JKR for being so fucking awesome that I feel inadequate in comparison.

You do know it was she who borrowed Terry Wogan's allen keys and didn't return them?
Well! she been to my shed and taken the spokeshave. I have only used it once.
Living on a yacht! I ask you! What kind of life is that? 'bout time she grew up and got herself a real job.

I did try that one, @NoBinturongsHereMate but it was spicy too - Waitrose do a smoked hummus but dh won’t let me loose in there too often! That’s probably JKR’s fault too.

When I somehow misjudge doorways / bedframes and smack my knees / toes/ head on the wall, that's some sort of whictchy clumsy spell.

Likewise when I boinked my nose hard off the glass of a (closed shop's) window trying to peer in and it really bloody hurt. She knew what she was doing.

Oh and no decent yogurts. All either no fat water or not-veggie gelatine, and no good flavours. I don't want to pay ££ for a thimble of lemon yogurt thanks. After more cigar funds are you?

AND the enduring over abundance of salted sodding caramel. In every conceivable product. When will that go away, JK??? Come on now, you've had your fun.

She puts the stuff in sun cream that stains white clothes yellow