I blame JKRowling

[RedToothBrush]

For shrinking the size of Monster Munch and shrinkflation generally.

Also the existence of belly button fluff

What do you blame her for?

I don't think that it's JKR as it's too useful and not randomly mischievous. Now my posts have a label at the top telling me they're my posts, which has some utility as I do forget sometimes - mind like a sieve (actually, thinking about it, I have lost a sieve recently...)

I got mired in squelching mud that went above my walking boot today. It’s that bloody woman at it again, she’s a menace.

There was a very annoying man in the Nstional Trust tearoom I visited today. I am certain that it was JKR's fault somehow. Also my DH missed the turning to the house because JKR made him oblivious to the sat-nav.

She’s buggered up Mumsnet so the pages constantly reload and start again at the top of the page- so annoying

Oh god, was that her? I’m not surprised.

JKR caused condensation in my car today and will likely come around and freeze my windscreen overnight in the winter months. She's frosty like that.

She has messed with people's minds so they think 'uninterested' and 'disinterested' mean the same thing.
She has then messed with my mind to make me irrationally sensitive to the misuse of the words 'uninterested' and 'disinterested'.
As if life wasn't hard enough, JKR, you monster!

She's cast a freezing charm on my home office.
Its absolutely nothing to do with it being in the conservatory and cold outside. Its all her.

My twenty-year old dehumidifier has just gone to dehumidifier heaven after many years of loyal service. JKR hang your head in shame. I wanted to give that to my grandchildren (if I ever have any…).

Think she’s been buying up and stock piling the 20-packs of Quavers on Amazon Prime. Greedy cow. Me and the spaniels love them…

Me too, @MarieDeGournay!

I blame her for my hair doing that stupid loopy thing at the crown after I’ve slept on it, when my door key wedges itself inside the key ring and whenever I get my sleeve caught on a door handle.

I dropped a log on my toe this afternoon and it hurt like crazy. I blame JKR obviously, p’raps I’ll get myself a balaclava and hate stalk her to teach her a lesson.

This one is a real concern. I’m currently listening to the audiobook of the Hallmarked Man. In which Robin makes spagetti carbonara and - wait for it - lets the cheese sauce bubble.

It’s confirmed. The woman is a wrongun.

She did the same for me but with "number" and "amount". I try to be relaxed about it but I'm failing massively.

I'm sure she messed with my mum's Amazon app so the present I asked for was twice the price and delayed past my birthday as it was coming from America.

I had to buy it myself and DM transferred the money, so there goes my surprise.

FU JKR.

OMG, HoobleDooble, such an array of cruelty to one individual - as if the stupid loopy hair thing wasn't bad enough...JKR really really has it in for you😕

Sleeve caught on door handle - I thought that only happened to me!

It obviously can only happen to people of a certain height, with door handles at a certain height, so it goes to show the lengths to which JKR goes with her evil-doing, she even personalises it by checking our height - probably by accessing our medical records - and then breaking into our houses to measure the height of our door handles from the floor.

Being a millionaire she can afford one of those fancy laser measuring tools, so she doesn't wake us up with the sounds an ordinary measuring tape makes, especially the snap as it returns, and the yelp because you didn't get your thumb out of the way in time..😠

edited because JKR made me leave a word out in the first sentence. Any other errors in any of my other posts are all her fault too, obvs.

The thought that you have put into your response! 😂

But you've reminded me that JKR deliberately makes my right knitting needle catch in my sleeve if I wear a long-sleeved top.

If I don’t get Taken in the Rapture today, that will be JKR’s fault, I’m sure.

Is that today!? Ffs!

Now that I think about it, I also blame JKR for :

• the socks that go missing in the tumble dryer,
• the inordinate amount of advertising bumf I still get in the post (and no actual personally addressed letters as I am 100% online these days),
• for the fact that whenever I watch telly I am continually shown adverts for cruises and funeral plans - sometimes it’ll be a revital foot spa - and
• for all the great series I binge watch only to find they have been cancelled at the end of season 1, usually on a cliff hanger.

fuck me, I missed this. I don't think I can be GC any more. Or JKR can't be the queen of me if I remain GC. This is serious

I blame JKR for not letting me know the Rapture is happening today, as I've just done a totally unnecessary grocery shop.
And now I have to decide what to wear - a lot of pressure, as this is the very last chance to get it right.
A bit more notice would have been appreciated, JKR.

I blame JKR for the mountain of washing I have that isn't washing itself and washing generally being the root of all known evil.

And the fact that you have to iron the bloody stuff after it’s been washed. I have 7 wash loads piled up in Ikea bags taunting me right now. That HAS to be her fault, surely?