How to talk to 5yo DS about non-binary / trans teacher

[NorthernLoon]

DS is in reception. We received a message from the school recently advising that one of his teachers was leaving, and welcoming that teacher's replacement. The new teacher's title is "Mx" which Google tells me is a non-gendered title. So far so good.
Today DS met the new teacher for the first time and has come home saying the teacher "looks a bit like a woman, but not really, and has a man's voice". He didn't ask any specific questions about that, so I didn't offer any explanation. (And I'm aware I might be jumping to the wrong conclusion - could just be a slightly masculine looking woman with a 40-a-day habit for all I know!)
But assuming the teacher is a TW, how do I talk about that with a 5yo?! I don't want him to get in trouble at school. But I'm not happy to teach him a belief system i don't agree with.
He knows basic male/female anatomy, the correct names for private parts, and that he is a boy because he has a male body. He's gone through various sparkly/pink phases, and my sister is a fairly tomboyish PE teacher. So we've talked in very basic terms about social stereotypes around "gender" and how they don't really mean anything.
But where do I go from here? He's a gentle little boy - he would never want to hurt anyone, and he hates getting told off. But he would absolutely go into school and say "My mum says Mx ... is really a man". And my personal beliefs aside, I don't think that's helpful for anyone.

Gilead 🙄

Furiously disagree with the statement ‘presenting themselves as a woman IN ORDER TO teach very young children’. How the hell has your brain made the assumption that this person has specifically presented themselves this way to gain access to small children?! What it’s not possible that this person just loves teaching?

Just a quick reminder in case anyone has forgotten but abusive men will enter the priesthood IN ORDER TO access children so doing a few years teacher training would be a minor inconvenience in comparison

not that this necessarily has anything to do with the OP's situation, but never, never underestimate the lengths men will go to to access children

Thank you for the reminder but I can assure you it’s unnecessary. Fully aware of the lengths abusers will go to. So unbelievably unfair to use this argument when the only information here is that the teacher may be transgender.

I’m fairly GC but to be honest I think a lot of the posts here are really transphobic. Just assuming this person is a danger to young children is an appalling leap to make.
you can’t go in and complain OP. That would be like complaining one of the teachers was wearing a hijab.

The danger of people claiming they are non binary sexed to children is that children either learn they cannot trust these people or they learn that it is acceptable to go around insisting you are non binary sexed. It's just NOT TRUE. Ever.

Let's hope it's not another man fetish mining.

I think some people have got a little overexcited since the SC ruling and are desperately hunting out any whiff of a trans person anywhere near them. It's quite ridiculous and over the top. It doesn't help anything.

@fox919 maybe read my post, I specifically said this may have no relevance to the matter in hand and said nothing about anyone being transgender, simply saying that having made the effort to become a teacher is not proof that a person cannot be abusive.

Let the teacher explain......The children will be curious and will probably ask all sorts of funny questions that would be inappropriate if an adult said them......that's what kids do. They see things simply, and for what they are. They won't cause offence, just opportunities for learning more about the world.

So, just to clarify, I don't know whether this teacher is a TW or not. As several PPs have pointed out, they may be a "non-binary" person, or may simply be a gender non-comforming man/woman.
Obviously it's an open forum and people can talk about whatever they like, but my concern had been purely about how to field or answer questions from DS as and when they might arise. I've received loads of helpful advice in this regard, so thank you.
There is nothing to suggest that this teacher is some kind of fetishist, paedophile, or sexual deviant, or that they are using their students to satisfy some kind of sexual urge. I trust that the school will enforce the same safeguards around teachers/pupils being alone together etc as they normally do, and I will continue to teach DS about consent, safe/unsafe touch, telling me or DH if he feels uncomfortable with how another person is behaving etc. The same as with any other teacher or adult.
I am GC and think the concept of "trans" is complete nonsense, but I don't believe trans people are all monsters. Some people are monsters and trans ideology has provided a convenient vehicle for them to act out their monstrousness. But I certainly don't believe that applies to all trans people, and I've no intention of complaining to the school about this teacher on the basis of them being a Mx and not presenting as a stereotypical man or woman.

Perfect.
I would be putting the responsibility of this situation wholly onto the school and the teacher.
This would not be up to me to 'explain' who why what etc and i would not be influencing my child in any way ,despite my own opinion.
Any sensible head would not be punishing an inquisitive 5 year old who will inevitably be asking questions about the 'differences' they can see with the teacher, that's if they do notice.
I would fully expect that the teacher in question along with the school will have discussed how things may need to be handled but equally as a parent i would like to be given an idea of these plans.

Nope.

Two young teens in our house.

They believe it's all a load of bollocks and that you can't change sex.

What I mean is it just washes over them. They don’t get freaked out over it. It’s just normal to them that people may identify as what they like.

Its gonna be a minefield.

Euro - what do you mean by ‘freaked out’? That suggests an irrational response. What’s actually happened is that they aren’t allowed to comment or they’ll be in huge trouble. They can’t point out any unfairness with male kids in girls spaces / sports. Many schools take this way more seriously than issues such as bullying, SA, disrupting lessons, violence…

Shouldn't you be more concerned with whether the teacher is actually good at teaching and interacting with the students rather than what's between their legs?

I would tend to say what I said to my 10 year old about an older son of a friend who goes by "they". He thinks he isn't a boy or a girl but we know everyone is a boy or a girl (or a man or a lady) so it's just a bit silly.
I don't care if my child is told off for calling an adult or another child silly for thinking this.

Yawn.

No one is talking about genitals. We are talking about how to discuss, with a 5 year old, a harmful and illogical belief system that is being foisted on him by adults who the OP has trusted to care for her child.

If it turns out that the teacher is a trans-identified man:

First, ask the school for their policy and planning about teaching this topic. Ask the head what s/he thinks you should say when (not if) ds asks if Mx Smith is a man.

Consider whether you agree or disagree with the answers given by the head.

I would treat this as I would children being taught a religious belief as reality. You tell your child the truth, always, simply, in direct, child-friendly terms. Mx Smith is a man. Some men like to pretend to be women. To those men, pretending is super important and they feel sad when people call them men. We don't want Mx Smith to feel sad. But he is a man.

For the head: Mx Smith is an adult. If reality offends Mx Smith, he needs to deal with that himself because ds is a child.

My DC has a non-passing transwoman teaching assistant at their primary school. This teaching assistant didn't go around preaching transgender ideology, they just got on and did their job. All the kids realised that Mary was born male but felt happier using the name Mary. They also have a teacher at secondary school who is a transman. They didn't even notice.

I think anyone moving a 5 year old because of a person who isn't even fully identifying into the opposite sex (they aren't claiming to be "miss") who could be an excellent teacher is prejudiced tbh. They are no more being subjected to ideology being taught by a gender non confirming person than they are being taught by a Muslim or a Christian Scientist or a vegan. As long as the person isn't proselytising in class just living as you want to is fine imo.

I know a lot of people here will disagree with me but I see using a preferred name and pronoun as respectful, it doesn't imply I share that belief. Just like I wouldn't feed alcohol or pork to a Muslim, even though I don't share those beliefs.

@Tummybanana there are a lot of threads here and articles elsewhere that explain why using wrong sex pronouns are far, far from respectful (to the people harmed by gender identity ideology).

Do take a look at this article https://fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

I am fully aware of all that argument, have read "pronouns are rohypnol". I think if you are a rape or SA victim, or speaking of a person who has committed a crime for example, then that person is not worthy of your respect. If you are speaking to or about a law abiding teacher or colleague it's different. You don't have to agree with me and I don't have to agree with you.

Absolutely respect the agree to disagree thing.

Out of interest, do you disagree with the premise of this illustration @Tummybanana? (Hope image loads. It hasn’t, so posting a random X post with it in)

x.com/hellcatthehater/status/1918983791881679194?s=46

At a population level I can see the point that cartoon is making, and I do think that the radical activists have done a massive disservice to non activists

I don't perceive that every individual trans person is trying to make lesbians have sex with them, get women's awards, use women's changing rooms etc. In my experience most ordinary trans people just want to live in a way that makes sense to them and I don't have a problem with that.

I don't know why so many people are assuming this person is likely a trans woman. Ime people who use Mx are either NB or a trans man