How to talk to 5yo DS about non-binary / trans teacher

[NorthernLoon]

DS is in reception. We received a message from the school recently advising that one of his teachers was leaving, and welcoming that teacher's replacement. The new teacher's title is "Mx" which Google tells me is a non-gendered title. So far so good.
Today DS met the new teacher for the first time and has come home saying the teacher "looks a bit like a woman, but not really, and has a man's voice". He didn't ask any specific questions about that, so I didn't offer any explanation. (And I'm aware I might be jumping to the wrong conclusion - could just be a slightly masculine looking woman with a 40-a-day habit for all I know!)
But assuming the teacher is a TW, how do I talk about that with a 5yo?! I don't want him to get in trouble at school. But I'm not happy to teach him a belief system i don't agree with.
He knows basic male/female anatomy, the correct names for private parts, and that he is a boy because he has a male body. He's gone through various sparkly/pink phases, and my sister is a fairly tomboyish PE teacher. So we've talked in very basic terms about social stereotypes around "gender" and how they don't really mean anything.
But where do I go from here? He's a gentle little boy - he would never want to hurt anyone, and he hates getting told off. But he would absolutely go into school and say "My mum says Mx ... is really a man". And my personal beliefs aside, I don't think that's helpful for anyone.

The problem is that similar might happen somewhere down the line at the new school.

Ms doesn't indicate your marital status. No need for the Mx bollocks

^ this

I'm sure plenty would describe me as transphobic, but I really don't think there should be a place for this in primary schools.

Did you miss the part where I said I was just relating someone else’s experience and also the part where I said the OPs situation sounded less straight forward but I have known females to use Mx for reasons unrelated to gender fuckery? Are you quite okay?

That’s not transphobic, it’s common sense and entirely reasonable!

I think it's just too confusing for young children, but the TRAs would be up in arms of course.

We might call people by the names and titles ‘they prefer’ but it’s still a head fuck when you’re being coerced to call a cat a table. You know it’s a cat, they know they’re a cat, but we are having to collude in some big massive lie about it being a table!

As an adult I’m uncomfortable with it. But it’s even more inherently unhealthy and a perverse thing to make 5 year olds do - ignore the evidence of their own eyes. I’d be looking to move schools too.

My child would be going to a different school.

This is wild! Very confusing for a 5 yo. I don't think moving him is the answer but some clarity from school would be good

one of our local schools has a Mx. I’d just say ‘do you like them as a teacher’ and move on.

Those of you with primary age kids will later realise that young teens deem asexual / pan sexual / trans / identifying as a cat - all perfectly normal. They chat about it like it’s a ‘what are we having for tea conversation. Dont overthink it

JFC. Does it matter.

This person will have been fully vetted to work in the school. OP has said it’s a good school. I’m really saddened by the “move” and other horrid comments.

If your DS genuinely asks you more about the teacher’s gender surely you can just say “I don’t know, but are they nice?” Really a teacher’s gender shouldn’t make a bit of difference to their teaching.

That's not been my experience at all. My DC has a designated adult at school who is a Mx and to be honest it confuses her. I have been quite baffled as to what to advise for the best as I of course think the adult can call herself what she likes but to a curious autistic child it does rather detract from the purpose of the interactions.

Still, perhaps it will be helpful when DC gets to studying 1984.

I agree with this approach about the name. I would try to leave out the sex/gender aspect for as long as it's possible. I would only address it when/if your son is particularly concerned about it, and in that case, I'd probably go with one of the most basic ideas other pps have given (without entering in any details). The thing is that what one person decides to do with their looks doesn't change the reality: if MxWhatever is a man, he will fool no one, even less a group of children, who obviously know. The goal here would be to minimise the confusion (people like to dress differently, or something like that). If Mx is a woman, I wouldn't worry at all, even if they confuse them for a man: it won't have an impact on them, and it doesn't pose a potential thread either.

It's awful we find ourselves in this predicament, though. You're lucky it's not your son's main teacher, at least: that would be trickier to navigate.
What an effed up world we're leaving for our children...

That would seem not be the case based on this thread.

Teenagers are unimpressed by trans.

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/5326789-its-all-a-bit-cringe

The direction of travel (with the Supreme Court Ruling and its aftermath) is quite obvious - people can’t change sex, and sex trumps gender identity for the purposes of single sex spaces and activities.

People are people. We are talking about a qualified teacher sex or gender identification shouldnt make a difference to how well they do their job. At age 5 kids tend to take people as they find them.

Have you actually read the OP?

Has anyone commented on how well the teachers does his or her job?

This teacher is a man or a woman and yes, most kids will therefore address them as such

Euro - not my experience. The teens I know speak about it with much eye-rolling and feel sorry for the deeply troubled people involved, although they do find it ‘attention seeking’. They wouldn’t say anything at school though, or be unkind to them. It pretty much ruined one of my dcs schools - all girls, she choose it for that, but as soon as the trans thing started ‘girl’ and ‘woman’ pretty much became a dirty word, all communication became they/them/your child (which made it sound very cold and like they didn’t know my dd and very confusing emails where it was impossible to tell if the communication was specific to my dd or as part of a group e.g. they have won…). Most sadly all the messaging about positive female role models disappeared, it was no longer acceptable to have any pride in womanhood or any ‘girls can do anything’ messages.

I think it's more likely teacher is a nonbinary female who prefers they/them. Whatever your feelings on any of it, though, let your child guide you. He'll be the authority on his own school environment- that's part of the school process. I'd suggest you try not to project your concerns unless he actually asks you stuff. 5 year olds are often quite interested in gender and differentiating roles - all that girls vs boys stuff kicks in about now- and of course some 5 y os have trans and non binary parents or siblings; they will all have their own ways of making sense of it. Hope it is more straightforward than you fear and less antagonistic than some posters are suggesting.

There have always been some trans sexual people about - just call them the name they want. Can't understand the worry here.
And not all of them are obviously trans so you could be mixing with trans people unknown to you.

Please do remember ‘I don’t know’ is a perfectly valid answer.

As is ‘we don’t make fun of people for their clothes or voice’.

And if it really needs stating ‘we don’t ask other people about what their private parts look like or their medical history’.

Nonsense. Any man dressing up as a woman and presenting themselves as a’woman’ in order to teach very young children would not have been tolerated in schools until very recently.

What?!

Completely agree that it wouldn’t have been tolerated until recently (regardless of whether you agree or disagree with that being acceptable). Furiously disagree with the statement ‘presenting themselves as a woman IN ORDER TO teach very young children’. How the hell has your brain made the assumption that this person has specifically presented themselves this way to gain access to small children?! What it’s not possible that this person just loves teaching? And happens to be able to now safely do the job that they love while also presenting themselves as who they feel they are? Again, completely ignoring the argument about people’s beliefs on whether it’s okay, what is not okay is to put an imagined sinister motive on it when you have no idea who this person is, or anything about them except that they are a teacher who may be trans.