How to talk to 5yo DS about non-binary / trans teacher

[NorthernLoon]

DS is in reception. We received a message from the school recently advising that one of his teachers was leaving, and welcoming that teacher's replacement. The new teacher's title is "Mx" which Google tells me is a non-gendered title. So far so good.
Today DS met the new teacher for the first time and has come home saying the teacher "looks a bit like a woman, but not really, and has a man's voice". He didn't ask any specific questions about that, so I didn't offer any explanation. (And I'm aware I might be jumping to the wrong conclusion - could just be a slightly masculine looking woman with a 40-a-day habit for all I know!)
But assuming the teacher is a TW, how do I talk about that with a 5yo?! I don't want him to get in trouble at school. But I'm not happy to teach him a belief system i don't agree with.
He knows basic male/female anatomy, the correct names for private parts, and that he is a boy because he has a male body. He's gone through various sparkly/pink phases, and my sister is a fairly tomboyish PE teacher. So we've talked in very basic terms about social stereotypes around "gender" and how they don't really mean anything.
But where do I go from here? He's a gentle little boy - he would never want to hurt anyone, and he hates getting told off. But he would absolutely go into school and say "My mum says Mx ... is really a man". And my personal beliefs aside, I don't think that's helpful for anyone.

Honestly, I'd move him to a new school. A 5 year old should not be subjected to someone's batshit ideology.

I’d remove him from the school personally.

Pop in and have a word with the teacher about an unrelated subject. While the Mx sounds suspicious I'd do my due diligence before jumping to conclusions.

Why on earth do we have to put up with having to explain this shit to innocent children in their primary school. It's absurd.

I would check out the teacher first.

If it is a man I would just explain it to your child-

"some men like to dress up and pretend to be women and they get mad if you tell them they aren't women.
So don't say that to him, but don't worry if you do accidently say that to him you won't get in trouble with me I'll just laugh at the silly man trying to trick us into thinking he's a woman..... "

Gosh a difficult one. I wouldn’t be happy with this personally, but not sure how to best approach. Moving a child out of school is quite extreme. Have you discussed with any other parents?

All the Mxs I know are trans men, which may explain the froggy “deep” voice whilst looking like a woman.

I worked in a secondary school where I covered for an absent 'Mx'. There was a nameplate for the classroom with a cartoon pic of a bearded person.

The S3/Y10 pupils dutifully referred to the teacher as 'Mx', but one then commented 'He says we've made him unwell, but we know he's just on holiday.'

I was only there for the week and chickened out - I turned a deaf ear to the comment.

The point I'm making is that children will inevitably recognise an individual's sex, no matter how much that person might wish otherwise.

Well I’d assume they’re not a transwoman, as I assume they’d then want to be called Ms/Miss/Mrs.

So I’d assume a gender neutral male or female (I don’t think you can really tell for sure from the description your 5 year old has given).

I’m gender critical but I don’t think this needs explaining. If your son asked, the explanation I’d give would be the same as if my daughter asked why one teacher was Mrs and one was Ms, or if she asked why I used Ms rather that Mrs despite being married, and that’s just that some people like to choose a different title. I wouldn’t bring up “some people think that they’re not a man or a woman”.
If he asked whether they were a man or a woman, then I’d just say the truth (once I’d seen them and knew).

My children have a transwoman (male) teacher who goes by and. Luckily they’re older - teenagers - and they think it’s a load of nonsense but can be judicious if required. Much harder with a curious little one.

Why do you need to say anything? At 5 years old asking “why do they look like a woman but have a man’s voice” can just be answered with, and honest, “I don’t know”.
If you really had to say something I’d just go with “some boys want to be girls so dress like them. Everyone’s different”

That is a stupid and dangerous thing to say to a 5yr old! "If you tell him, he'll be cross" is a classic manipulative line used by people trying to groom children. And "the silly man trying to trick us" undermines the teacher's authority. I thought the "remove your child!" Responses were extreme but better that than manipulating your child into complying with someone you've told them isn't trustworthy!

How do you even pronounce Mx?

I personally would want to see the teacher before I made comment but would probably just use something about everyone being different and to be kind.

"mix"

I worked with a Mx. She was recently divorced and, when changing her name, decided to use a title which didn’t indicate her marital status (in the same way that men are allowed to exist outside their marital status)

It sounds like there’s more than that going on here, and I’d definitely want to know more in your position, because there are some red flags there. I just thought I’d chuck my experience of Mx into the chat alongside the others

(Also I know women can use Ms to avoid the whole marital status thing; I think she just wanted to make a point)

I think it’s like if you took the Mc from a surname eg McNally, and added an s. Mcs

Or mux.

Hmmm. Personally I don’t think we should be telling reception aged children that their teachers are tricking them. They should be able to trust their teachers.

Can you email the head and ask how they will be dealing with the inevitable questions that small children ask?

The school need to be advising you all on this. Every school I know expects the children to call the teachers Miss smith / Mrs smith / mr smith etc.

"Mx Smith" is fine but the school need to be supporting parents in having the conversations with their children because 5 year olds are too little to understand transgenderism, however open you are to having those conversations with them at that age.

If you’re from New Zealand.

DO NOT DO THIS OP!!

JFC

Thanks - some really good thoughts here.
I won't be moving him over this issue alone. The school is generally fantastic and meets his needs really well. He adores his form teacher, has lots of friends, and will probably only see Mx Smith (psuedonym) twice a week or so.
But that does make it difficult for me to try and meet the teacher myself in person - I would approach his form teacher if I wanted to talk to a teacher about him.

Some guidance from the school would be helpful but I don't think it will be forthcoming! The head is very approachable, so I could probably ask her for some guidance but I'm worried about outing myself as GC and potentially marking my son out as coming from some hard line right-wing family (which couldn't be further from the truth!)

Maybe those who have said I don't need to overthink it and to just answer questions honestly with "I don't know" are right.

'I don't know, but you can ask them'

I would treat it the same way that I'd treat overt displays of any personal belief someone holds. So with this maybe "some people don't want anyone to know whether they are a boy or a girl". I think that would be enough to satisfy a five year old without getting into anything about gender or "changing your sex".

Think about what you'd say if he had eg a female teacher who wore a hijab and he asked why and go from there, that's my suggestion.