Just been “unfriended” for believing in biology

[Somethingthecatdraggedin7]

I posted links about the Supreme Court ruling on my fb feed and have just been unfriended and blocked by a real life friend.
I hadn’t seen her for a long time so we had never talked about the issue because the last time we met (about 8 years ago) transgender wasn’t a thing. Well certainly not in my little corner of the UK anyway.
I am bemused. This is someone I had helped a lot with certain situations. She knows me, she knows that I am a kind and decent person.
But now because I post about the legal reclamation of the word woman I am suddenly persona non grata.
I have friends of differing views on all sorts of topics and we accept that we don’t have to agree on everything. Clearly this particular friend can’t accommodate diverse opinions.
So much for tolerance and inclusion then.

If you've not seen this friend for 8 years and they're the sort of person that falls out with someone just because they have a different opinion then I'd let them go if I were you. They can't be much of a friend.

It reminds me of all the people who lost friends/family connections over Brexit. Why on earth would you turn your back on someone just because they believe something different to you? It doesn't make sense to me.

IMO people like your friend who 'block' others for having different opinions are at best immature and at worst have a closed mind.

Having friends with different beliefs, political persuasions etc is part of life and imo should be welcomed otherwise you end up in a echo chamber which never ends well.

Too many people are losing the ability to agree to disagree and instead we are dividing into warring tribes which is so destructive to society.

This is the crux of the issue for me. For whatever reason it seems in the trans debate some people are determined to see it in terms of black & white, all or nothing, good v evil.

There are many issues where I disagree with people I know. That should be entirely normal and unremarkable. I didn’t vote Brexit but some people I know did, I’m vegetarian but others choose to eat meat. We all get along fine, and accept people are different.

But when it comes to trans rights activists all shades of grey seem to disappear for some people. The only comparable issue seems to be Israel / Palestine where people are so entrenched in their ‘side’ they can’t even begin to see other perspectives.

‘But now this person is supposed to walk into men’s bogs looking like a woman? You can see that’s difficult, right?’

hmmm…we ve only your opinion that they are unmistakably a woman, or rather, look female. The big hands and feet, broad shoulders, narrow hips, brow ridge all tend to say ‘man’ to the human subconscious. However, if your friend dressed like many ?most? women : that is trousers/ jeans, tee shirt, sweat shirt, they could probably go into the ‘mens bogs’ without causing a ruckus. (Because most men are in the loos to perform a natural function, and are no more looking for a confrontation than women in a similar situation).

Honesty would have been talking to me about it. Not silent unfriending and blocking.
As I have said several times in this post, I am able to agree to disagree with my friends.

Why is being pro women’s right “anti trans”. The SC ruling clarifies existing law which impacts on women’s rights. Trans people have the same rights now that they had before the ruling.

The misogyny is the framing of the ruling is very telling. Women should just shut up and budge over for the menz 🙄

Exactly this.

The person who commented on my post was putting himself out there. And although he has never commented on any of my posts before, he'll have seen me getting very political about other issues and engaging in lively debate. He can't possibly have expected me to say, "Oh OK, maybe I will take my post down."

He's someone I haven't seen for about 15 years and we weren't that close to begin with so it would be no great loss to either of us if he had just unfriended me. But he didn't, we had a discussion, and he is still on my friends list.

I respect him for expressing a dissenting opinion even if I don't agree with it.

She may have other friends that won’t agree to disagree that she values more.

I’ve mentioned elsewhere that my daughter has cut me off because of this topic. I avoided talking to her about it, but I was overheard discussing it with someone else, and that was enough for her.

To transactivists, we really are pariahs. Our opinions are not seen as political differences. Rather we are viewed as blasphemers, who must be shunned.

I'd argue that quietly removing someone you don't want to be friends with from social media is pretty tolerant, to be honest. Tolerant doesn't mean 'has to read social media posts from people whose views you disagree with' - she didn't argue with you, say anything rude to you, etc, she just realised you weren't someone she wanted to be friends with and removed you from her social media. Given that you haven't even seen each other in 8 years, I'm a little suspicious that you even noticed?

Because being 'pro' anything other than trans is anathema to them, they cannot contemplate that they are not no1 priority for everyone

When even the BMA are pushing the judgement as "anti-science" even saying you believe in biology isn't enough anymore. Actually scientifically literate people are trying to pretend that trans identity is biology, and that science has shown that this somehow trumps outward physiology. It's all bollocks, of course, but a lot harder to argue with people who are convinced (without having done any serious reading/thinking of their own) that Science is really on their side.

It isn’t snippy or prissy. It’s a statement of fact.

OP posted about an issue that she knows full well has been controversial in the media with differing opinions. Therefore she should expect that not everyone she knows will agree with her. There is no nuance to it - it’s just black and white unarguable fact that this issue is surrounded by disagreement annd problems. And OP knew this full well before she posted her links.

OP was unfriended. This was predictable. Why the faux surprise over it? Is it not like people have been arguing over this issue for years and years? Or are we gaslighting ourselves that there haven’t been any arguments?

Or her ex-friend could have decided not to become a warring tribe?

Then the ex-friend would be one of the adults who could accept that other people can have ideas which differ from hers and still be friends.

There are specific circumstances which meant it was extremely noticeable.
Having not met up for years (Because I am disabled and housebound with stage 4 cancer) I had messaged her and she replied and was very pleased to hear from me and she suggested dates to come and visit. I sent her a friend request which she accepted.
Then the next day I went back to continue talking to her on messenger to confirm a date and found myself blocked and on checking my friends list she was no longer in it.
She had scrolled through my profile feed back far enough to a week or two ago when I posted the Fair Play for Women links about the supreme court ruling and decided she was off.

I sometimes wonder what would have happened if we had all acted similarly to your ex-friend when anyone presented their anti-women, pro-trans views, when all this first came about. Whether our overt disgust at their obvious bigotry would have made any difference to the course of things.

Anyway, in this case, at least the rubbish has taken itself out.

If anyone wanted to unfriend me for my views then that would be fine.

Absolutely. I don't think all people who are pro trans are anti women. I think they just haven't quite thought through the impact of what they believe on women.

It isn’t “faux surprise” at all. I was shocked that someone I thought knew me well would decide I was unworthy on the basis of a difference of opinion.
I was also surprised that someone I thought intelligent and decent can’t tolerate different views.
If I unfriended everyone who doesn’t agree with topics which are important to me then the only friend I would have left would be my lovely cat.
I don’t need to convert everyone else to my views. I like to hear other perspectives from my friends.

But you can see that those things don’t make him a woman can’t you?

You can see that we cannot rearrange society around the wants of your friend when those wants clash with the needs of women and girls?

The only reason it is at all predictable that the OP would be unfriended for expressing a perfectly reasonable view is that many people on the trans rights side of the debate are incapable of behaving like adults.

This thing of making “divisive” posts only goes one way though doesn’t it?

I hang one long standing friend making multiple pro trans, be kind, you’re safe with me posts since the ruling. It appears she’s also got lots of trans identifying friends which probably accounts for it. Judging by the comments on her posts they are fully immersed in the TRA narrative and my opinions would not be welcome so I scroll past.

Yesterday she was making outraged posts about the prospect of male mammographers. I was SO tempted to point out the irony of the importance of biological sex when it suits but so far have managed to hold my water.

I know I would be unfriended in the worst possible way - sacked/fired if I were to slightly disagree with my employers about this very issue.
I work for one of the major banks and since the ruling they have been posting internally their disgust at biological fact and if I were to dare post a thumbs down or negative emoji against their idiotic lies, I'd be for the chop.
I can't get my head around how stupid people are.

You aren’t even friends, you haven’t even seen her in almost a decade. Most likely whatever the content of your post it would have sparked the same thought from her.

I must admit I don't post on social media about it. I expect if I did some friends would hold different views.
The main reason is that my sisters child is a transman. I value my relationship with my sister more than winning an argument. If it comes up I swiftly change the topic.

I am well aware that the US presidential power is being used in various ways to minipulate the law and the role of the election system.

(Not dismissing the data provided to show the actual impact of EOs , thank you )

@AlanShore was speaking about how some people think the SC ruling is anti-trans while ignoring that TM exist and benefited by being protected as a sub-class of women and/ or that women are 51% of the UK population. And /or that TW remain classed as a sub-class of men with all the protections any man has.

And how some people think as the SC ruling is anti-trans they conclud the decision is the same as racism.

The implied message is that the immigration stance is aimed at a sub-class excluding some but not all races from the US

Eg
AlanShore · Today 00:54 [ EDITED]
Some people think that anti trans views are as hateful as racism etc.
If that's how you felt, and your friend posted they were happy with Trumps stance on immigration the word "women" meaning female and not ever male humans or example, and you haven't seen them for 8 years, what's your action?'

Which is his political position.

Which in turn leads to the claim that having the same understanding of the word woman makes a person right wing

This is completely illegal though and it would be a slam dunk win for you in the employment tribunal.