Is there any future you'd accept for trans people?

[AYoungTransWoman]

Hello, I'm a young trans person who transitioned in my teens. I've been on hormones my entire adult life, have a GRC and will have Gender Reassignment Surgery imminently.

Is there any future you would accept for people like me who have gone through everything?

of course. You can wear what you want, present how you like within the bounds of common decency, find an area of work that interests you whatever it is, exercise whether you love it or not as it’s essential to health, and play sport if you want to, enjoy life. While acknowledging what sex you are, for your own benefit most particularly in the region of healthcare. If you’re getting diagnosed for something make sure the medical practitioner is aware to apply the right thinking. When you’re older get prostate checks. Check up any additional checks you might need due to the hormones, eg women would need bone density checks. You shouldn’t frequent areas where women or girls are naked, or try and be unfair or unsafe to women and play sport on women’s teams. There are plenty of mixed sports so this shouldn’t limit your opportunities at all, I have spent net decades playing, mostly with a pretty low skill level, mixed basketball, mixed tennis, mixed indoor football (friendly hack level and the men were very careful playing against the women- if a man ever collided too hard the other men on both teams would call it as too much, I’d never ever play this mixed at a more competitive level) and mixed kayaking and am often the only woman going for the lunchtime run with colleagues.

As long as you stay out of women’s spaces and sports and don’t want me to change the meaning of words for you, then 🤷‍♀️.

Well no-one is going to force you to "go back" since you're an adult and have full control over what you do, wear, act and the choices you make with your body, again within the restraints of what the NHS will fund which applies to everyone.

I think you are badly, badly, badly served by a culture which promotes affirmation only models of treatment and lack of research into therapies to integrate your reality and your mental picture of yourself. There is nothing at all wrong with being a very feminine man but I do understand that society when you were growing up will have told you otherwise.

I hope you are not forced to do anything.

But also that you have really thought through the operation. It will not give you what a woman has, merely a facsimile which will need constant care as it just doesn't work in the same way as the real thing. Basically a constant wound. And if you regret it later, it's not reversible. Please make sure you are aware of this rather than reading just validation from people who are most likely trying to convince themselves post hoc.

Have you really looked into the medical complications associated with this surgery. There are some heartbreaking stories of medical issues relating to this.

I’m sorry you felt such pressure to not be comfortable as you are. It’s a horrible way to live and it sucks that society seems to impress these strict rules on so many these days. You shouldn’t ever have to go back to being miserable - wear whatever you want, do your hair and makeup etc however you want, do things that make you happy whatever the gender stereotype. Give other people the benefit of the doubt, you never know what they are going through. And I repeat what I said above, exercise, spend time outside and be aware of your health. Cook and eat vegetables.

I'm scared of my ID being changed back to not saying woman. I'm scared of being forced to use male pronouns and titles. I'm scared of my GRC being revoked. I wouldn't care as much about spaces if everywhere had unisex spaces, but they don't and I couldn't bring myself to use a male space.

I'm scared of losing my hormones mostly, I get them through the NHS.

Do GRCs get revoked?

I don't the NHS should ever pay for your surgery. I think the Gender Recognition Act needs to be repealed, because of the damage it is doing to women and to people who have been captured by the trans industry. Surgeons and pharma have been making a fortune from unhappy people.

I think the whole notion of cutting off body parts to "cure" a mental health problem is barbaric and will be looked back on as the world gone mad.

Trans patients who regret gender affirming surgery make up less than 1% of those who have had it.

In contrast, reports of general plastic surgery regret sit upto 65%

Id also add to my earlier comment that just because this is mumsnet, we are not required to act as people’s actual mum

Without knowing what transpeople are wanting it is impossible to answer this question. I am happy for transpeople to identify and present as they choose, so long as TiMs keep out of (are banned from using) women's sex segregated spaces and keep out of (women are allowed to have) spaces where women do not want men.

You are scared of things no one has any control over and you I suspect are scared because it is easy to feel fixed and ok if you have those things but a lot of them are meaningless (apart from the hormones) and are just labels. Whst I want for your future is one where you can accept who you are without the need for labels or validation from others or the need to impose that onto others

oh dear. The OP is scared of the world not pretending sex is mutable

There are a lot of vulnerable people with disordered views about how the world should treat them. that doesn't mean their views should be indulged at the expense of others.

I'm not sure there is much point trying to reason with the OP

Why couldn't you bring yourself to use a male space? Can you say a bit more about that?

While I wish you all the best and that you are not discriminated against at work or for a home etc, you seem to be needing society to change to suit you.

Why should society comply with your personal beliefs that you are something you materially are not? Who led you to believe that society should do this?

And why should you receive hormones on the NHS that are not for a medical condition but for cosmetically changing your body to suit your belief?

I hope you realise that having a GRC and ID stating you are female doesn't mean that people believe that you are. Women in particular can tell in person. It's the way you move, your hands, build, the whole package.

If you can Iive with that and it makes you happy, ok. But generally, we know, and are becoming less inclined to play the game.

You should not be using female facilities, you are not female. I would like to see you helped to accept yourself as you are, a unique human being who happens to be male.

‘Is there any future we would accept?’

Surely, its your future that’s important, so be happy with the choices you have made, is my suggestion.

Please link where you have this number from regarding regret for GA surgery . Because it doesn’t sound up to date or accurate.

Do you have a source for the proposition that fewer than 1% of patients having gender affirming surgery regret it?

I may very well be mistaken but I've read Hannah Barnes' Time to think and I wasn't sure it's as clear cut as that.(?)

I abso DO NOT think that the NHS should be paying for cross sex hormones and cosmetic surgeries for trans people.

In fact I’m appalled and disgusted that the NHS does pay for these, considering the lack of care and funding for critical and terminal illnesses. I’ve lost 2 family members in the last 2 years due to delays and lack of resources in NHS care, one of whom died while on a waiting list.

Funding cosmetic surgeries for trans people is a disgrace.

I suspect it applies to breast enhancements and not cock lopping off.

What I would wish for you is that you get some therapy that tells you the surgery isn’t necessary. It won’t change your sex, it won’t make you a woman and I doubt very much that it will dispel your dysphoria.

I’m genuinely sorry that you had a difficult childhood, many of us have had that experience, but putting yourself through this surgery cannot reverse what you suffered, you need to find a way of coming to terms with it and leave it in its proper place, which is the past.

I echo what others have said about not using women’s spaces and competing in our sports and not expecting us to validate you as a woman, because no matter how you try to physically change yourself, you’re not one.

Could you tell us a little more about how your fear of male spaces should be balanced against many women's fear of men being in female spaces? What you would 'accept' as a legitimate way of proving your trans status legally etc?

A push towards a legal requirement for a 3rd space, or permanent, single unisex facilities would probably help.