Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

When I read threads like this it’s one of the few times in my life when I am glad I am old.
It definitely wasn’t a thing when I was a young woman, it’s absolutely horrific.
I actually think life is getting worse for young women nowadays; the worst I ever dealt with was wolf whistling and we thought that was bad, but at least it wouldn’t potentially kill me.

Also you will get older, your breathing and heart will not be as good etc. if he’s still doing this in 30 years time it will be fatal. Do you have children? Imagine them knowing Daddy killed Mummy by such a vile practice

No man has ever done this to me without me asking first - and I love it 🤷🏻‍♀️ I often ask for it. I really don’t see the issue in a consenting, trusting relationship where it’s been asked for. Non consenting is completely different, but I don’t think kink shaming people is particularly helpful.

I’m early 30s and have a very adventurous and consenting marriage. We try a lot of things (which would definitely make people clutch pearls), I do think there’s a generational divide here.

Agreed
Red flag to me 🚩🚩🚩

Quite.

I wish women would think about this.

Most women understand that powerplay can be a turn on for some women.

This isn't that. It's Russian roulette.

"As soon as you restrict the airflow or blood supply to the brain, you’re at risk of causing neurological injury."

And as soon as you restrict airflow to the brain, you've committed a crime.

"Non-fatal suffocation occurs when a person uses unlawful force on a victim, whether intentionally or recklessly, that affects the victim’s ability to breathe, for example by putting a hand over the victim’s mouth or compressing the chest. No physical injuries need be caused for the offences to be committed."

it's been criminalised for the very good reason that it's killing women.

And again, for those who don't quite get it, it's entirely porn driven. Whatever you think of today's porn, there aren't many women who won't realise it's highly misogynistic.

Because that's how porn works. Consumption escalates, due to the desensitisation Boys are growing up thinking that it's completely normal to yank women's hair to the point of pain, spit on them, demand anal sex, and choke them.

Go girl power.

I didn't feel able to discuss sex and my preferences with anyone until I was in my mid 40s. Looking back now, I feel that having sex with someone that I can't talk to openly is just weird. Why did I feel comfortable exchanging bodily fluids with someone that I couldn't talk to? And when you make that breakthrough, and start talking, it's like a whole new world of intimacy and trust opens up and I wondered how I lived so long without understanding that.

Take the risk and talk to each other. It's worth it

This is terrifying. I am very sorry for your situation.

Ew no, I couldn't be with someone who even wanted to do that no matter how ‘gentle’ they were.

I’m middle aged and no man ever did this to me when I was young. Since my marriage ended a few men have tried to hold my throat without discussing. I wouldn’t describe it as choking as I didn’t ever feel restricted but the first time it happened it shocked me. I think porn has normalised it. I wonder for the younger generation it is seen as normal. It is scary because of the lack of communication and the need to control. I don’t think it is just men doing it to women either it works both ways.

Indeed.

Absolutely disgraceful state that our society and culture has arrived at. I am terrified for my dd. She’s in sixth form and already some of her friends have had experiences that have turned rapey/porny. Awful.

Porn ruins sex for everyone. There's a generation of men who have grown up learning what's normal from pornhub. They don't strangle people because it's fun for them. They do it because they think that's how you have sex and they want to prove how good they are at it. And they're so convinced that if women say they don't like it they think either they're lying or they're the weird ones

Porn really isn't how anyone has enjoyable sex

I’m early 30’s and don’t own any pearls.

Why does your partner want to “pretend” and fantasise that he’s murdering you while he orgasms?
Why is this not a concern to you?

Agree with this, Anybody who tried that with me would firstly give me a full-on panic attack, and then find out that panic can make me volatile…
think a “smack to the nads” sort of volatile😠

Totally understand that if you’re in to the choking thing, that’s fine, but like hell am I being choked or restrained if it’s not even been discussed beforehand let alone been consented to!

What happened to the “ making love “ part of this?

Really, really think about this.

Your husband is orgasming to the fantasy of murdering you.

That’s not ok

Asking your partner to risk 20 years in prison doesn't worry you?

And it's not kink shaming to be concerned about the massive rise in something that is absolutely dangerous.

Annoys the life out of me when people try the "don't kink shame me" line to shut down discussion.

Safe, sane and consensual was always accepted as the rule in the kink community and when safe is being ignored regularly (and consensual on many occasions when it comes to choking) it absolutely should be discussed.

You don't need to get to the point of fainting for strangulation to be harmful. The cumulative effects of repeatedly, albeit temporarily, starving your brain of oxygen over a period of time will be detrimental to your health. It may not have an immediately obvious detrimental effect but you'd be a fool not to realise the long-term damage you are causing yourself (increased risk of brain damage, dementia, stroke, damage to your eyesight, and damage to the physical structures in your neck and throat).

I promise you won't look so edgy and cool when these effects start to manifest themselves more obviously.

honestly do whatever (though reflecting on why you enjoy threat and violence is never a bad idea) but i am begging you to stop asking for strangulation - you could get seriously injured, and may be injured in a less obvious way already

the article i shared from NYT also explains how repeated strangulation can affect the brain - inflammation and thickening leading to memory issues and other issues common across TBI.

Me neither. I’m early sixties, have had a number of relationships and casual sex partners in my time but not a single one of them ever did this, tried to do this or broached this as a possibility. I cannot understand any woman who would allow this, (even if it’s ‘gentle’, yada yada). You are playing Russian Roulette with someone who quite literally has you by the throat. And any man who even wants to do this would be a huge turn off and a red flag for me.

"Breath Play" sounds so innocuous, like part of a meditation or mindfulness routine or the exploration of some sort of sensual body stimulation. As you say, it is strangulation and should only be called that along with the warning that there is no "safe" way to strangle someone and from my perspective why the hell would you even want to. I would hate to be bringing up daughters in today's world.

Personally, I think the divide comes in porn consumption. The younger generation have normalised more and more extreme porn, because men become inured to it.

when you realise that a great deal of what is considered completely normal pornography involves the constant degradation of women - and it's the way for men to achieve orgasm, there is no avoiding the issue.

People know, especially on FWR, quite how far many men will go in the service of their cock. Degrading women to the possible point of death, is now firmly part of the journey.

this one should show the whole article! YOU NEED TO COPY AND PAST THE WHOEL THING - the hyperlink takes you to a paywall :(

web.archive.org/web/20250211180255/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html

very informative. the stuff about mental health was surprising and devastating (5+ instances of strangulation = 2.5x more likely to be severely depressed)

Aha! The hags are objecting to wonderful non-vanilla sex. Perhaps we know better how dangerous what you do is to you? Strangling during sex is illegal - it is already outlawed so dangerous is it! Should we outlaw all non-vanilla sex? That depends - BDSM, which inflicts pain, yes, maybe and certainly stop it being depicted as normal in porn. And in any case no person can consent to what damages them, or harms or hurts them, so in that sense non-vanilla sex of the sort you suggest is already against the law.
Dressing up, playing games, role play which does not result in one person harming the other (remember, you cannot in law consent to something that harms you during sex), no. But that's not what you mean by non-vanilla sex, I suspect. You mean anal sex etc - ok, I won't outlaw anal sex (it used to be illegal between heterosexuals mainly for reasons of objecting to contraceptive sex) but everyone who indulges in it should know that it is harmful. It can spread disease and it damages the anus in women, whose tissue in that area is much, much less robust than men's - and damage to no point since anal sex is only of interest/pleasure to men (because the anus is tighter than a vagina).
Those ott feminists are trying to protect young women from what harms them, and to have them treated as people not support objects for men's sexual fantasies. We have been there - we know.

web.archive.org/web/20250211180255/https://www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html

you may have to copy and paste

I really hope that you enjoy it as well because otherwise why are you going along with it. why not have a discussion about it?