Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

I was reading the article earlier, OP. I've never tried this and have no intention of ever doing so.

Sure it might be pleasurable for some (bloody terrifying for others) but I won't be buying into a practice that men are using as a defence against murder in court ("lots of women like it").

I too am glad I am old but I worry for my DD's and my DGD. What a world I have brought them in to.

It all just seems to be about the male gratification, they really don't care about the physical damage this and also anal does to a woman's body. Will they be there later in life when you are incontinent/a cabbage due to the way you've had sex?

I am old and was never aware of it being a "thing" when I was a young woman. Of course it must have been around as there is nothing new under the sun. I am guessing that the immediate availability of porn has contributed to the current situation along with ever present misogyny. I notice it is not generally men in hetrosexual relationships who are getting throttled for sexual kicks.

Some 16% of all UK-based respondents (385 out of 2,344) have been strangled once or more during consensual sex, and the data shows a slightly higher proportion of women have experienced it compared with men.

I'm confused - what women are out there strangling men during sex? Surely this should be 'significantly higher' not 'slightly higher'?

This is one of the most terrifying things to have come out of porn.

The worry for young women is obvious the highest as teen boys now are exposed to porn from such a young age.

I worry in particular for quiet/timid girls. I have twin girls in their early twenties. One is very bolshy and not afraid to speak her mind, the other is very quiet and lacks confidence. The latter has dumped two boyfriends already for expecting porn shit to be a part of a relationship and for trying things without discussion.

I also think the number of older men who've become obsessed with porn shit since lockdown is massive.

Obviously only my anecdata, but I've been a swinger on and off for over 20 years and the change in male attitudes since lockdown is huge, and is something several women I know have also commented on. The vast majority of guys under 50 will bring up choking, slapping and/or degrading name calling in initial conversation about what they're into.

There is even a swingers cinema that has had to point out to numerous men that the kind of porn they've requested can't be shown because it's illegal. Apparently there was quite a surprise for them as it's viewed as "normal" porn by many.

It's a scary world for women, it really is.

My assumption would be most of the men who've experienced it have been strangled by other men.

This makes me terrified for my little girl when she grows up. I'm going to have to have a conversation with her about boundaries and what's not okay when she's old enough. It's awful to read some of the stories here and think about this happening to young women out there. I'm a millennial and not experienced this thank god

Sorry, what?
Normal for whom? Did you consent to this? If not then you need to have a word if it's not something you enjoy. Everyone is entitled to their boundaries.

…I couldn't move (he was much bigger than me) and couldn't breathe properly- I couldn't say anything either due to his penis being in my mouth. I was trying to communicate to him with my eyes that I was struggling to breathe, but as we were total strangers communicating in a non verbal way …

I’d have bitten his penis…

The only thing my neck likes is gentle touching, stroking and kissing and yet more kissing.

That’s terrible! You need to speak to him about it. Horrifying and abusive

I think it’s already illegal isn’t it?

Looking back I wish I had, but in the moment I was honestly just frozen.

They'll mean gay sex between men.

I've focused on teaching my sons the importance of emotions in sex. How it's a connection of two people's whole self, not just their bodies. I think sex should be a conversation of sorts. Porn scares me because i think men are both more visual, and find emotional detatchment or compartmentalization easier. That's a potent combination if what they're consuming is sexual violence. My heart sinks for the future, and what might be considered normal. It needs adressing full on, through legislation and regulation, maybe coupled with counter porn sex ed.

It's not 'breath play ', it's strangulation, pure and simple

But it is violent. Putting a hand around a throat is a dangerous act. As women we don’t put our hands around the throats of people more vulnerable and weaker than we are, like babies, children, frail older people because we KNOW that is is an aggressive and dangerous thing to do. If we see children doing it to other children in play we stop them immediately and tell them why.

So why do you think it acceptable that a man should do the same to you because he “likes” to. Do you like it? Do you do equally dangerous things to him, would he be happy for example if said you wanted to play with a razor or other sharp blade near his throat, or his genitals because you think you might “ like” to? I understand that you are agreeing to this but I really can’t understand why .

there is no safe way to squeeze someone's neck - the lie that constricting the bloodflow rather than the airway is fine is common but COMPLETELY WRONG. please stop sharing misinformation that could result in bloodclots / stroke / brain damage

If my husband tried this with me, I'd be changing the locks.

<a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20250213203826/www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">https://web.archive.org/web/20250213203826/www.nytimes.com/2024/04/12/opinion/choking-teen-sex-brain-damage.html

this is the article i mentioned a few pages back - i'm not sure how to get a full free version but if i work it out i'll share!

I'm afraid I'm at a complete loss as to why any decent person would enjoy throttling another person during sex. If it wasn't during sex, people would think they were an abusive, violent pig, but somehow the addition of hanky panky is supposed to turn a dangerous, sadistic practice into something benign.

If someone enjoys not breathing during sex, why not just hold your breath? Why indulge in a dangerous practice that could potentially go badly wrong, kill or seriously injure the recipient and see the perpetrator doing 15-20 for murder?

Well people don't like to hear it but casual sex is very anti women.

I am mid 50’s and a friend of mine died the same way Michael Hutchence died. I know it’s not the same but it involves strangulation. He was an only child, late teens, so intelligent, handsome, the boy we thought would be going places. His parents were heartbroken and it was all over our local news/press.
It is very frightening that this is becoming so common and the violent porn that young children are looking at, the thought of it terrifies me.
To think of a lovely young 16-year-old girl being pressured into being strangled is just criminal. I know it involves a wider demographic.

Im still trying to order my thoughts on this - how actions clearly violent or dangerous are suddenly fine when in service of (usually) a man's erection. you'd think it's be a higher barrier of appropriateness but no!
Elly Arrow on youtube has said interesting stuff regarding this, moreso in the context of prostitution,

What the hell? If my DH had ever find this to be we’d be done. How old is he? We’re in our 50s and this was not a thing when we started having sexual and never has been since.

Tell him - no, never again. If he does it, the sex stops, immediately.

The only way to train a bloke out of this is that if he does it, he gets no sex.

It's not just the rise in the number of "sex gone wrong" murders that involve strangulation, strangulation is also a high risk indicator in domestic violence incidents when assessing the likely risk a perpetrator poses. That is, once they have crossed the boundary to strangulation the risk of them going on to murder the victim increases.
Which makes sense but is worth saying. Because what type of person would be able to do this, and worse get a kick out of it.