Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

Legal form of self murder as the person intent on self killing with the help of others has to be of "sound" mind for the murder to be subject of lawful defense. Suicide is normaly deemed not unlawful as the mind is disordered has no intent
And some of the checks and balances are there to prevent someone who killed their partner/family member/friend/stranger from saying it was the dead persons choice.

It’s an Andrew Tate thing isn’t it? Women want to be strangled and raped. And usually, it would be rapists who choke or strangle women into submission.
I can’t believe women actually ask to be strangled or choked. Choking might take longer to do damage. Restricting blood supply is quicker and easier.

It is never safe
It's not just the risk of immediate death. It’s the cumulative effect on the brain with memory loss and the risk of a stroke. Or heart attack.

Mess with the heart rate and blood can pool , which leads to clots, which cause strokes. I’ve had a stroke..paralysed my left side . No left leg or arm movements. Speech affected because the facial muscles stopped working. Sense of taste gone. Ability to swallow even water diminished. 50% chance of dying within 5 years. Permanent feeling of vertigo. And I was lucky. It didn’t kill me. And it was on the right hand side of my brain. Far worse on the left.
I had had temporary flutterings of the heart. 99% of the time, my heart rate is regular.
Why the hell do young women want to risk permanent disability for a momentary thrill? Or give the power to a man to hold your life in his hands? What if you’ve upset him and you think this is make up sex? But he’s got you helpless? It’s insanity to think being at risk to make sex less vanilla is the way to go. Even if it’s not a stroke, but memory loss.

Again, you make a valid point

They don’t teach “safer cutting” methods. They teach alternative and harmless methods, such as pinging an elastic band on the wrist.

Happy to be corrected on this though. And if they are advising on “safe cutting methods” my angry letter writing pen will be incredibly busy.

And euthanasia is only considered kind when someone has a terminal illness or facing a life of pain.

I’m not sure people would be supportive of people opting for euthanasia because it gave them sexual gratification.

Really? When I studied ‘sex and gender’ as part of my degree, it was a fabulous course very much focused on women’s oppression and feminist literature. It’s pretty horrifying if it really has changed in the way you describe.

So nothing to do with some kind of misguided sense of 'it might enhance your orgasm'?

Just a punch?

The rumour in my social circles in around 2005-8 was that it would cause the girls to tense up. Making it a “tighter” experience for the boys.

There were also porn stars around this time floating around the idea that being punched in the stomach was erotic. It was made very famous by Sasha Grey, I believe.

One such organisation. I'd be interested to see their response to your letter

https://youngpeopleswellbeing.org/safe-self-harm/

Ffs. I know women sometimes act like turkeys voting for Christmas, but for fuck's sake this is a male driven thing.

Hit a woman to make her tense so her muscles contract to make your cock feel better?

These men need to be taken out of circulation, and put in prison.

I don’t know why I’m surprised when schools are teaching pornified versions of sex in PHSE.
Thankfully, it doesn’t seem to be being pushed by NHS or the larger charities. They still advocate for distraction techniques.
I’m desperately sad there are some that take this route though.

FFS who wrote this 😬
The reason someone is clicking in that button is to look for help

Distractions and Coping Techniques
This section is not about telling you to stop self-harming. We understand that some people don’t want to stop and are satisfied that self-harm is a way of getting by. Some people do want to find another way of expressing their emotional difficulties. This section aims to provide tools that might offer some other choices.

It’s normal for porn, your husband is getting off on watching trafficked women raped and strangled.

And we know safer ways to deal with drugs. If any of these people "teaching" think they know safer ways to put your hands round someone's neck then they'd better have good indemnity insurance; because there aren't any.

But with cutting, you hurt yourself. With strangling, you hurt someone else. Is it not glaringly obvious to you how much that distinction between choosing to hurt yourself and choosing to hurt someone else matters?

Of course I'm aware of the difference. I was comparing it to the women on here who ask for it to be done to them..and it was in reference to the 'workshops' on how to strangle/be strangled in a safer manner & cutting in a safer manner.
I don't approve of any of it. They're both acts of self harm imo. Physically and psychologically, no matter how some women frame it.

Huge difference and you aren't seeing it. I'll try again.

If you cut yourself, that's on you. Nothing I can do will stop you, so harm minimisation training is the least-worst option to minimise what you do to yourself.

If you tell me to cut you, that's on me. You cannot consent to me cutting you. I'm not a regulated medical professional carrying surgery, I'm an ordinary joe, and if I cut you it will be ABH. You cannot consent to ABH. I am morally and legally obliged to refuse. Harm minimisation training doesn't even come into it because I shouldn't be cutting you at all.

The same applies to strangulation. You could be crying and begging for me to strangle you and it wouldn't make the only acceptable answer I can give be anything other than "oh hell no".

Strangling someone isn't an act of self-harm, it's an act of harming someone else, that's literally the point. It is never OK for a man to strangle a woman. Men are not obliged to commit crimes if a woman tells them to and it's misandry to claim that men lack the agency to do the right thing and the judgement to know what the right thing to do is. The women asking to be strangled are vulnerable, as all people who wish for harm are, and they need the true protection of men saying no to strangling them.

Ok. Let me try again then. I'm probably not explaining myself properly but I'm comparing strangulation to cutting in terms of self harm. So let's take the other person out of the equation and imagine the woman is self-strangulating. Auto asphyxiation.
I don't see much difference between that and cutting.

There, you would be correct.

However, women rarely auto-asphyxiate.

As soon as another person is involved, the comparison to self-harm becomes invalid because it's not self-harm any more, but someone-else-harm.

Any man who strangles a woman whilst having sex with her is a predator. Any woman who justifies being strangled by men whilst throwing around words like “vanilla” or “shame” toward other women who are concerned is allowing predatory and dangerous behaviour to spread without criticism and harm younger women.

What a fucked up world of really shitty lovers porn has bred.

Yes well that's not the comparison I was trying to make but it's been a long day and I haven't expressed myself correctly in pp.
Regardless, I appreciate reading others points of view because it makes me reflect and clarify my own thoughts on a subject. That's always a good thing.

What?

Just to add. There’s a very popular, mainstream song by Jack Harlow which was played on the mainstream radio and had accompanying dance routines all over TikTok etc in 2023/2024 called Lovin on Me. The chorus was

I don't like no whips and chains, and you can't tie me down
But you can whip your lovin' on me, baby
Whip your lovin' on me, baby
I'm vanilla, baby, I'll choke you, but I ain't no killer, baby (I don't like no whips and chains)

Highlights just how normalised and mainstream choking seems to be becoming, this isn’t the only song like this out there.

Unbelievable that anyone needs to be told that strangling someone is dangerous...
Some observations of the study:
It was a pilot study - a full study is required to understand what is going on.
The participants were self-selecting - they had a choice of surveys they could complete, and therefore the results skew to people interested in the subject.
Gender, not sex, was used.
The gender split was 2 female to 1 male - this makes some of the male numbers small.
The authors describe the limitations of the recruitment etc.
I feel it is unhelpful for the findings to be reported as showing that strangulation has become "normal". A different recruitment method that gets a representative sample would shed more light. If the numbers really are that high then it still should not be called "normal".

Remember when people used the phrase "making love"?

I'm curious to know what all the -strangulation breath-play advocates think SHOULD be the outcome when the police and ambulance service get a call-out to a deceased person who has died from strangulation/suffocation injuries and a male partner claiming it happened as a result of consensual breath play during sex?

He continued doing it to you because he thought it enhanced your orgasm. When he told you it didn't he still continued. I'm glad that you are no longer with him.