Non fatal strangulation and choking during sex

[ArabellaScott]

Grim read.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c62zwy0nex0o

Women do also do this because it enhances orgasm.

There will be mixed motivations, I'm sure, but this is one of them.

Doesn't it worry you that the idea of strangling you turns him on? Even if it is not done in a so-called 'violent' way? The very act of putting his hand around your throat is a symbolic act of violence.

I'm not a lawyer, but it looks like this is now absolutely illegal

1. The Government introduced specific offences of non-fatal strangulation and suffocation under the Domestic Abuse Act 2021 to ensure perpetrators could be charged and prosecuted with a sufficiently serious offence even in the absence of physical injuries.
2. The offences were introduced as part of the Government’s Violence Against Women and Girls Strategy 2021 came into force on 7 June 2022.

"Non-fatal suffocation occurs when a person uses unlawful force on a victim, whether intentionally or recklessly, that affects the victim’s ability to breathe, for example by putting a hand over the victim’s mouth or compressing the chest. No physical injuries need be caused for the offences to be committed."

affecting your ability to breathe would appear to be the criteria for it to be a crime. Consent or not.

Breath play

edited to add link

www.sentencingcouncil.org.uk/news/item/non-fatal-strangulation-and-suffocation-offences-proposed-sentencing-guideline-published/

Doesn't it worry you that the idea of strangling you turns him on? Even if it is not done in a so-called 'violent' way? The very act of putting his hand around your throat is a symbolic act of violence.

In response to : My partner likes to put his hand around my throat during sex but I trust him completely. It’s not very often, we both discuss it, it’s not violent and we have a great sex life.
I would never have let anyone else do it.

Huge damage. Sold to us as empowering ourselves. Yet another twist in the long story of that ancient hatred: misogyny.

Sorry Arabella, what do they do to enhance orgasm? I can't follow where your comment addresses mine.

Cutting off blood supply and/or breath.

How does not being able to breathe enhance orgasm? And if it does, is brain damage and the need for permanent care worth it - because that's how dangerous strangling is.
And do women believe it enhances orgasm or have they been told it does - because men like doing it?

I know a couple who are into this, if it's consensual and people are aware of the risks it's up to them. Deffo not for me though.

Surely you've heard of erotic asphyxiation? Reducing oxygen supply to the brain can make you a bit high, basically.

In general I think that the pornification of men's expectations from women is horrific and I would say that it's threatening to actively undo the progress our feminist foremothers made in terms of women being able to have sex outside of marriage (with the advent of contraceptives and the efforts of feminists to help societal attitudes evolve).

What use is it to attain a measure of sexual freedom and reproductive control if we are being thrust back into a more dangerous prison of pornified expectations, and young women are gaslight in pretending to want, or at least put up with, things that in truth most women don't enjoy or seek - anal, BDSM, polyamory, spitting, wet play etc etc etc

Oh yes.

I always think of Michael Hutchence. And other men found in hotel rooms with plastic bags over their heads.

It really is eye opening to realise quite how far men will go for bigger and better orgasms.

And fuck knows where the prevalence of more and more Internet porn is going to lead them.

I don't know if it's the case, but I'm reading about a lot more beastiality, and obviously, paedophilia.

Where does it end up?

Well obviously, in some cases - in death

actually, I'm going to edit to say it's probably not bigger and better orgasms. It's probably the same orgasm, that can't be achieved without more extreme stimulus.

@TENSsion I am sorry that my post has clearly upset you - but I just think we need to slightly move away from the narrative that this always originates from men. Like I said, a man has never asked to do this to me - I have asked for it, because I enjoy it. The first time I asked for it, I had read about it in a magazine. I asked to start gently, we had a safe word, and I loved it from then on out, because I, personally, enjoy giving up control.

I do agree - in a non consenting situation, I also think it's pretty horrific, but we have to open our eyes to the fact that there are women in the world that have desires and wants that aren't limited to 'making love'.

I am a well educated, professional woman that is fully aware of the risks attached, and no - to the helpful pp that suggested I have some sort of trauma because I enjoy this type of sex. I do not.

I remember my mum once reading something like this and being absolutely appalled by it, because in her generation it wasn't the 'done thing'. Women are becoming more empowered to voice their wants and discuss these with their partners, and through that, exploration happens. I am not suggesting that this is the case in every situation - I have no doubt there are shitheads out there who do it and get off on the fact they are hurting someone else, but in my specific situation, that is not the case.

I think it does, actually! I was at Pride this summer supporting my son who was in one parade and I saw men in dog masks and BDSM chains. It's relevant to strangling because it is part of the continuum of normalisation of extreme and potentially harmful sexual acts.

What it actually should NOT have anything to do with is sexual orientation. Kink should NOT be part of LGB!

It's not generational. There have always been people who have warned about the risks from risky sexual behaviour, including people within 'the community', and there have always been people who have ridiculed or derided people for raising concerns.

If you are regularly practising asphyxiation I would urge you to look into the potential cumulative effects of repeated asphyxiation.

If you are regularly practising asphyxiation I would urge you to look into the potential cumulative effects of repeated asphyxiation.

and this is where this thread is a real help.

It's not just about giving up control. It's about potential long-term damage, whether you feel it or not.

@ArabellaScott it's very clear from this thread, it is generational. The hoard of comments stating 'thank fuck I'm old'. I have a large circle of friends, who are all into a variety of different things and this is a regular occurence in a lot of them. I'm very thankful to be in my 30's in 2025, and I just hope that women are encouraged to continue to explore what they enjoy.

@HomeBodyClub I’m curious? what do you think he gets from putting his hand around your throat? Why spikes he find it pleasurable?

What satisfaction do you get from it?

Who is it that most has trouble with discussing sex? It doesn't seem healthy that he is routinely doing this to you. Does he think you are fine with it?

I suppose if there is a generational aspect it might be that what can seem exciting and rebellious as a younger woman can over the course of a lifetime reveal itself to be somewhat more complex.

We all think we know better than our foremothers when we were young. It's part of being young.

What I regret is trusting the wrong people. I suppose that's something that one just has to learn. And maybe one can only learn through experience, see the previous point about thinking one knows better.

That's fine when the decisions are less consequential than those involved in asphyxiation.

Actually I wish they'd call it that rather than choking or strangling, I think it's clearer.

It's not that simple though is it? Sex isn't ( or should not be) a pure transaction, a matter of buying or not buying a tin of beans at Tesco. Coercion comes in may forms, psychological coercion and societal pressure.

I hate the way that harmful acts are given cutesy eupehmisms. It's not 'pressing', its not 'breath play'. It's strngulation.

‘See also cannibalism and eunuchs’-I think I live a very sheltered life. And I am very happy that I do.

I don’t understand why you would think it’s normal, has he told you that?

Am not old I am late twenties

non of my friends get strangled when having sex so it’s not generational

I can’t understand why being regularly strangled with the culminative damage it would cause to you is pearl clutching

my dear dear relative was strangled to death by her partner. She left a daughter who will never have a mother.

I think you need to get some help, you sound completely passive, he could kill you, do you understand that?