My 14 year old daughter has been sharing school changing rooms, including swimming, with a male. The school never told me, or her. What would you do?

[SernieBanders]

I believe this to be a failure of safeguarding and a risk to every female in the school.

I do not believe the school can give consent in any way, all children are under the age of 16, so they cannot either.

The school in question has adopted the Brighton Trans Inclusion Toolkit which actively encourages males and females to share spaces, including sleeping, without any supervision. They also have unisex toilets.

For the record, I believe all gender questioning children should be given full, dignified support for their schooling. However their needs do not supersede safeguarding and dignity of all female pupils.

What would you do? What legislation, guidance, rules would you quote to them? Straight to governors? The police? What?

Sorry, OP. You say in the title the school didn't tell her she was sharing a changing room with a male. But that she knows who the trans kid is. So how could she not have known she was changing with them?

This is terrible guidance, and I don't see the benefit of it. All the trans kids at my school either change with the others of their biological sex, or (most often) in the private, gender neutral toilets. I'm surprised any trans teenager would want such a in your face reminder of how their body was different from those they identified with in terms of gender.

isn't based on anything other than hating men

I'm not sure how you missed it @JustAskingThisQ, but men commit 99% of sexual crime. That's what safe guarding is for. Protect the many from the actions of the few before something happens. Take the known risks, and put rules in place. The known risks are men. It isn't about hating men. It's about knowing that men cause crime as a cohort.

they allowed a boy in a girl's uniform to go in the girls dormitory recently on a school trip. No one told or asked the girls parents. The heads are very kind, smiling, even flirty like butterflies to you. The reality is they do what they want and laugh you off

This is the most outrageous thing I have read for some time.

I fully support you in taking all steps necessary to safeguard your daughter.

Others can provide better legal advice than I can x

While I understand and sort of agree with your general point, why would you live in an area that is out of line with your views? the way you have phrased it makes it seem like you think places which encourage males to get their cocks out in front of girls and think that girls who have short hair and like football must be boys are progressive and those who don’t are backward and old fashioned. I’m sure you couldn’t possibly have meant that though, as that would be an utterly ridiculous take.

To all the people saying this is outrageous (which of course it is)

Are you not aware that this has been going on in establishments all over the world for about the last five years as a result of 'be kind, let people choose their own pronouns, twaw and you're a bigot if you say otherwise'

Which unfortunately brings all their inclusion shite talk back to square 1

I for one was aware but didn't know it had progressed so far down the road.

Fortunately I don't have a daughter at school that could be impacted by this.

SernieBanders
yes I am her dad and to be perfectly honest it's having been a 14 year old boy that gives me the biggest worry about this.

what sort of things did you do as a 14 year old boy? that's very concerning

Yes. The last government oversaw all this as they funded Stonewall and the other trans lobby groups to gaslight children in schools that their bodies could be wrong but a sex change is the cure. Too little, too late was their response as the GIDS scandal unfolded and the nature of what had been inflicted on children unfolded.

Cass has started to reintroduce a child centred approach with her advice that schools socially transitioning children was NOT a neutral act But the transactivists grip is strong with parental alienation being a key tool they use (just take a look at the LGBT children board), Along with the notion that safeguarding children is regressive and right wing - as demonstrated on this thread.

Someone said upthread that children need their parents to step up and safeguard them if trusted adults are failing to do so. So that's what the OP is doing - and all credit to them.

We have to speak out

Homophobia!
There are and have already been young lesbian and gay children changing together in the correctly sexed changing rooms, this was never a problem or even a topic of conversation, until the trans lobby jumped on it as a shield and an excuse to dismantle safeguarding!
I'm a straight woman, I have no issues changing with a lesbian woman, we all have the same equipment!
We all value privacy from the opposite sex .
I can't imagine it's any different from straight men changing with gay men.

@SernieBanders i actually find it very strange that you have several threads about trans issues already and you have just “discovered “ this .
your comment about not trusting people with a penis clothed or unclothed around your daughter is very odd as well.

We have to speak out

I agree with you @MrsOvertonsWindow, and you might not remember (but I do so thank you) that you helped me out enormously nearly a year ago with a similar letter I had to write to my dds school.

I actually don't mind how the message gets out to more and more people about what's going on.

I just find it a bit sus and creepy. but yeh I agree this shouldn’t be going on.

Welcome to Mumsnet.
There's lots of information on here about safeguarding children that will explain why parents are so concerned about all this.
Nothing strange or odd about parents parenting.

Good advice 2falls

Thanks for that useful spiel @MrsOvertonsWindow . I still find it very strange a man not trusting “anyone with a penis” despite all this. I find some of the ops comments about men quite creepy.

I would also be concerned about the issue being discussed though. Agree it’s not appropriate.

This really is worrying for girls in Brighton. I’ve got no advice op (other than to look at the Transgender Trend stuff on schools - it’s clear and sensible) but wish you luck with your complaint.

Can they take using the changing room in turns?

It's damn awful.

I hate shared toilets. Men piss all over, don't clean up after themselves or don't flush their piss away!

I can't imagine sharing a changing room with someone who says they identify as a woman, cos whilst they might and that's their right, I don't have to trust them, do I?

Blimey! Imagine that? Imagine thinking that it is righteous that a male child should be in the change room with a female child and that anyone who doesn't agree doesn't belong in the area where they were born?

That takes some gumption. I think you will find many in agreement with you. Safeguarding children is not something to be dismissed with 'progressive' accusations. It is up to all people to follow robust safeguarding principles. And allowing male people into female changing rooms is not following robust safeguarding principles. It is the opposite.

Oh give over with your ‘creepy’ - he’s just a concerned and plain speaking dad. You’ve completely missed the bigger issue of dystopian levels of creepiness.

I disagree I find it creepy.

This is outrageous. I'm so sick of our girl's privacy and dignity being destroyed.