Spouse says men can use Ladies to change baby nappy?

[Bunty2727]

Im not a mum. I just went into the public toilet (to put up some single sex signs lol) and as I approached a man was just about to enter with a baby, I said excuse me I dont think you are allowed to use the ladies, he replied, pointing at the baby change sign, you can go in first if you like, I repeated, I dont think you can use the ladies, when I came out he had gone. Spouse said Im wrong, he’s allowed. googled and cannot see an answer?

No, the ladies are for women. He'll have to find somewhere else to change the baby. Maybe men should start requesting baby change tables in the men's. It's not as though it's a new thing for men to look after their children, what's taking them so long to demand the facilities they need?

Baby change facilities should be separate and available to parents of either sex.

Are you saying that the baby change facility was in the female section only? If so this is something you need to complain about, childcare responsibilities are not just womens' work.

Where was he supposed to change the baby?

There either needs to be a separate facility or a set up in the men's. I don't think there is an allowed / not allowed thing but it is the one time when it is shit to be a Dad out with a baby / toddler.

what's taking them so long to demand the facilities they need?

They don't think they need to. They feel entitled to just barge into the women's toilets if nothing else is available. They don't see it as their problem to solve.

But things won’t change for dads (or uncles or grandads) if men persist in throwing up their hands and saying “what can I do? There is only the ladies!”

Men should be campaigning for separate changing facilities for babies and small children. It’s in their interests to do so.

Maybe men could tackle this by campaigning for facilities in their own toilets?
Or are they waiting for us to organise a campaign for them?

Where were you? I'm not sure I've ever been somewhere that didn't either have changing facilities in both loos, or a separate changing space.

Sorry I was too slow and cross posted with a few others. But hopefully it reinforces the point.

I can see it from both sides.

The man was using the baby facilities offered to him, which was in the ladies. If there was no other suitable facilities , then he was doing what he thought was best.

In many ways, this situation doesn’t bother me so much, because he’s not pretending to be a woman.

If the baby changing facilities were in the women's area he's absolutely allowed to use them. If you don't like it, complain about it.. Somewhere else

Were the bathrooms a room of cubicles or one individual room with a toilet and baby change facilities in it? If the latter I'd have no issue with him using this.

It's ridiculous that places don't provide baby change in a neutral space or in both bathrooms.

Thanks for this thread. It reminds me of a question I saw on Facebook - should a dad be able to take his daughter into the ladies to prevent them witnessing a urinal. Most people that answered said 'Yes, by all means, come into the ladies' not even realising the irony of allowing a man to come into the ladies to prevent his daughter from seeing men in the men's.

I don't think men should be allowed in women's toilets, it's a hard no. Changing a nappy isn't as urgent as the need for a young child to use a toilet, so dad has time to locate a neutral facility and it would be worth him knowing where they are in town. Cafés like Costa or Starbucks are a good try.

I've simply changed my children in a quiet corner in the local park before if the weather is good.

Hmmmm when I was abroad last year there was a very flustered looking first time Dad who was dithering about the fact that the men's didn't have baby changing facilities. All three of the women in the ladies just let him pop in and use the ladies loo. I personally didn't see a problem with it but the wider issue is that both toilets should have the facilities.

Tbh I think it’s a huge issue.

We want fathers to go out on their own with their baby/toddler but often there are no baby changing place in the men’s, only in the women loo.
Then what?

Are men then ‘allowed’ to go in?
Are we expecting fathers to change theur child’s nappy on the (dirty, piss covered) floor of the men’s loo?

This discussion has been going on for years, much before all the trans stuff.
The conclusion has usually been that urs they should go in but it’s not ideal and baby changing tables should be available in the men’s too.
(and if possible not in the ‘neutral’ disabled loos!!)

Changing a nappy isn't as urgent as the need for a young child to use a toilet, so dad has time to locate a neutral facility

lol at the idea that really it’s ok if a baby stays in his poo covered nappy fir a whole because it’s not urgent. Or that a neutral facility can easily agd always be found.

Im wondering, if it was an adult you were talking about, would you say it’s ok for them to stay in their poo covered nappy/clothes until whenever?
And ever had a baby with bad nappy rash that needs to be changed straight away?

Im amazed at how little consideration is given to the baby there tbh.

A little perk in Disney was Dh did all the nappy changes because they had the facilities in the men's but no queues. It was bliss. I think America was very good for having family rooms in most shopping centers and generally in restaurants etc. The caveat being we would have been at tourist areas so probably more advantages areas- probably not a real picture.

If the only baby change is in the ladies, then yes I would expect a man changing a baby to use it rather than change the baby outside. The baby deserves dignity too.
I would also complain about the lack of appropriate facilities. Baby change needs to be accessible to all parents.

I saw a video of a man explaining that he used the ladies loos with his young daughter because he didn't want her going in the men's because of the state of them. (In general, not just one bad venue). I was shocked that pretty much all replies supported him, rather than pointing out that perhaps mens loos should be kept equally clean. What if he had a son instead? Would it be acceptable to make a little boy use disgusting facilities?

You're wrong. The baby has the right to be changed just like a breast fed baby has the right to be fed.

If he offered to let you go first it doesn't sound like it was an open cubicle situation but an enclosed single space which is common. In which case you were absolutely wrong.

If it was a cubicle situation could you have offered to check no one was in there first so he could change the baby? Or was it a boy baby that should only be changed in a toilet cubicle in a men's toilet? What happened to protect the children?

Baby changing is often shared with disabled toilets too. Babies can't help that either.

Blimey glad I'm not the only one who thought that😅 I don't think I've ever been anywhere that there isn't a separate baby changing part. I haven't seen one in a ladies toilet only a toilet that's for both with one cubicle and sink. I wouldn't have a problem with it though because it's not as if it's the same issues about trans people coming in. I don't think a screaming baby would be used as a way in iyswim 😂

Most places I went as a dad of babies there were changing tables in the men's or in a gender neutral space. I think once or twice I changed babies on the gents floor (They are not covered in urine and the baby was on a mat anyway.) I wouldn't have gone into the women's in a million years.

It's a hard no from me as well.

In situations where there aren't baby changing facilities, the parent (usually the mother) finds somewhere quiet to change the baby. Male carers can do the same, maybe they'll then be motivated to agitate for changing facilities in their own toilets.

No, by law he isnt. Spaces that are segregated by sex mean just that - males in male spaces, females in female spaces.

Actually if you read my post you would se I was asking a question for clarification, read before being nasty

Thanks for point out how WRONG I am. I was just asking if it was legally allowed. Commments like yours makes me even less accommodating . And I agree that it’s time for men to get some facilities in their loos. Thanks nasty

Presumably men don't want children's changing facilities in the gents because they know that the gents is sometimes not sufficiently clean or safe for young children so they would prefer carte blanche for men to be allowed to use the ladies whenever in their judgement it's appropriate.