Trans Widows' Escape Committee 6: The Next Generation

[TinselAngel]

Welcome to thread 6.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for a reason.

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

The main event this year outisde the thread will hopefully be the release of Vaishnavi Sundar's film about Trans Widows- Behind the Looking Glass



If you would like to donate to help Vaishnavi finish the project, details are here:



Please feel free to say "Hi" below, even if you are not a trans widow, to start the thread off.

[SouthernTW]

I'm glad you're back @TinselAngel and I hope you had a lovely vacation.

This weekend will mark three years since my ex's disclosure. And it's been almost two since he told the kids and since they have seen him.

[TinselAngel]

@SouthernTW

I'm glad you're back @TinselAngel and I hope you had a lovely vacation.

This weekend will mark three years since my ex's disclosure. And it's been almost two since he told the kids and since they have seen him.

I had a wonderful holiday thank you. 3 years! We've all been together a long time!

[TinselAngel]

Previous threads

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4236287-trans-widows-escape-committee-5-and-so-it-continues

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3898348-Trans-Widows-Escape-Committee-4-A-New-Hope

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3668898-trans-widows-escape-committee-3-rise-of-the-trans-widows

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3471122-trans-widows-escape-committee-2-the-trans-widows-strike-back

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/3101834-trans-widows-escape-committee

[TinselAngel]

Not that anybody cares, but I have failed in coming up with a 6 related sci fi reference for the thread title. I've just thought of a cracking 7 related title though so lets hope I remember it in a year or so!

[Janie143]

@TinselAngel

Not that anybody cares, but I have failed in coming up with a 6 related sci fi reference for the thread title. I've just thought of a cracking 7 related title though so lets hope I remember it in a year or so!

The next generation is a scifi reference. Or did you mean a Star Wars reference?

[YouJustDoYou]

@SouthernTW

I'm glad you're back @TinselAngel and I hope you had a lovely vacation.

This weekend will mark three years since my ex's disclosure. And it's been almost two since he told the kids and since they have seen him.

Let me guess, he is out there "Living His Best Life" in cosplay, and the kids are just baggage to him for his old life? Poor kids, hope they're holding up ok Southern.

[TinselAngel]

The next generation is a scifi reference. Or did you mean a Star Wars reference?
Yes but it's not particularly related to the number 6.

[Groutyonehereagain]

Thanks for the new thread @TinselAngel .

[Justme56]

In the 60’s TV series ‘The Prisoner’ which I think comes under the sci-fi genre, Patrick McGoohan’s character was known as No. 6.

[TinselAngel]

@Justme56

In the 60’s TV series ‘The Prisoner’ which I think comes under the sci-fi genre, Patrick McGoohan’s character was known as No. 6.

It's too late now!

[Janie143]

@TinselAngel

The next generation is a scifi reference. Or did you mean a Star Wars reference?
Yes but it's not particularly related to the number 6.

Ahh I get it now 😳

[SouthernTW]

@YouJustDoYou

Let me guess, he is out there "Living His Best Life" in cosplay, and the kids are just baggage to him for his old life? Poor kids, hope they're holding up ok Southern.

My children have refused to see him or have anything to do with him since his disclosure to them. He doesn't ask me about them. Occasionally, he will send a gift (usually something not age appropriate or pertinent to their interests) or a note. But from what I can gather, yes, he thinks his life is now joy-filled. The kids are unaware of the changes he has undergone. The ex is missing out on what great people my kids are.

[socialworker222]

Mine too. I can't imagine prioritizing myself over my children, or following a course that means I don't see or have a relationship with them. These men are idiots, and they give their children the message that they are not important or a priority, which is very corrosive and damaging. At least they have women holding the fort, maintaining stability and focus on them, to lessen the impact.

[Truthlikeness]

Years ago my exH left me for another women (nothing trans-related) but I read a lot about male mid-life crises and this behaviour is extremely similar, just manifested around a different axis.
In the old days they had affairs, hit the gym and bars, got a new look and bought a flashy sports car. There's something about men reaching a certain age and feeling their youth, vitality and possibilities fading that drives them to seek to reinvent themselves.

[TinselAngel]

I wonder why women don't have mid life crises?

[SouthernTW]

@TinselAngel

I wonder why women don't have mid life crises?

We don't have time!

[Truthlikeness]

Perimenopause hits about the same time and we don't have the energy :-)

[TinselAngel]

Yes I think it's to do with lack of time and energy and too much responsibility. All that doesn't seem to bother men though.

[LilithArtemis]

@Truthlikeness

Years ago my exH left me for another women (nothing trans-related) but I read a lot about male mid-life crises and this behaviour is extremely similar, just manifested around a different axis.
In the old days they had affairs, hit the gym and bars, got a new look and bought a flashy sports car. There's something about men reaching a certain age and feeling their youth, vitality and possibilities fading that drives them to seek to reinvent themselves.

This is intriguing and makes a lot of sense.

My ex-partner seems to have major issues with masculine signs of aging, rather than just masculinity. The receding hairline has really got to him. He is only in his early 30s but it has felt like a crisis around the 30 mark which set him off on another level.

There are so many psychological layers to this stuff!

[JenniferBooth]

Hi. Not affected personally by this issue but have been on these threads in the past under a diff username offering moral support.

Im just dropping in to make you all aware that this weeks Woman magazine has an article written by a trans widow. I did skim through it while i was in town. (was going to buy it but had to rush home due to bloody IBS) it was quite detailed and made some of the points that have been made on here.

[TinselAngel]

I've had a look and it's the same article that was in the Mail recently.

[DuckDuckNo]

@TinselAngel

Yes I think it's to do with lack of time and energy and too much responsibility. All that doesn't seem to bother men though.

This is it though. I have small children, ailing elderly family, a full time job and a house to take care of. I don't have time to sit down and start navel-gazing!

[BindybooBird]

Tinsel, I heard you on a recent WRN podcast and was struck by you saying that many trans widows’ experiences are similar to domestic abuse. Reading the posts on here, it seems to me that this is domestic abuse - emotional, sexual, psychological, financial and sometimes physical - just with a new twist. I’d be interested to know how many trans widows have approached domestic abuse organisations (and if so what support they got) or whether it never occurred to them to go to DA services.
I am not a trans widow, but have personal experience of an abusive marriage and am so admiring of what you have set up here. Courage to all of you, whatever stage of the trans widow journey you are at, and please keep fighting for recognition of what this new trans trend is doing to women and children: the narrative needs changing.

[ImNotWorthy]

From reading this thread and the website, I would call it abusive too (have been in emotionally and financially abusive marriage).

[IcakethereforeIam]

I caught this article in the Observer. It's about financial abuse as a facet of coercive control. Transgenderism isn't mentioned but I think the points raised, the information given are applicable and I hope it will be helpful

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2023/sep/03/he-took-every-penny-the-women-left-with-a-debt-mountain-by-coercive-partners