Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

Feminism: chat

Original poster

So apparently I am a hateful bigot. Who knew?!

188 replies

NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 21:59

This has been playing on my mind since it happened. In a pub on Thursday night just gone. Very old building - toilets not great. No separate mens/ladies. Go through one door and there are 3 cubicles for all. Everyone has to queue together in this very small space. Big queue - a 6 foot 4 ish man with a beard wearing a flowery blue dress and lipstick, who was stood behind me, suggested that we speed things up by "us girls" going in together. I refused. That led to a tirade of abuse including that I was a hateful old bigot and it was known that 'girls' always shared a loo. Obviously he told all his pals at the table he was sat at, and they loudly discussed my transphobia until I necked my drink and left. It has been bothering me ever since! Just sharing/venting more than anything.

OP posts:
Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 22:59

mtw · 19/08/2023 22:58

Sick

As in, you feel sick? Or are you being down with the kids and saying my post is "sick"?

OP posts:
Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:00

RealityFan · 19/08/2023 22:59

Excuse my denseness, but how does this save time? You still have to use the toilet one at a time. I hate to be coarse, but how does standing idly next to the person in full flow save time overall?

I'm afraid this is a porn addled fantasy scenario. Or at the very least, good ol' fashioned male expectancy and superiority.

And to think he has his trans maidens acolytes and shrews fussing about him, spitting venom to anyone, especially other women, who dare dissent.

It definitely doesn't save time. The occasions I have shared a cubicle, usually with my sister, takes us about 5 times as long because we are pissing (see what I did there?) about so much.

OP posts:
mtw · 19/08/2023 23:02

Women are being removed from society. This is not a joke. A big bearded man in a dress waiting to go to the loo. Does that sound normal in any way?? We women have to say enough is enough. If not we deserve the new world we live in.

RumNotRun · 19/08/2023 23:02

Another one here who has shared a cubicle with a good friend but only when drunk. No idea why, sober me says it makes no sense but drunk me/drunk friend always think that it makes things quicker for everyone in the queue 🤔

We also had a nightclub (Zeus) that had a two-bicle. Handy for taking drugs with your friend I found during my very misspent youth.

Hell no to sharing with a bloke that I didn't know. Good on you for standing up for yourself. Oh, and to the troll hunters, if you don't believe it, then off you fuck. Don't let the (toilet) door hit you on the way out.

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:03

RumNotRun

"Two-bicle" - stop - Grin

OP posts:
Green777 · 19/08/2023 23:03

Just ignore them OP.

I know I for one do think about this possibly happening to me, being faced with a similar uncomfortable situation (hopefully not as extreme as being asked to share a cubicle!)

Changedmymindtoday22 · 19/08/2023 23:03

People love to be offended!
sorry that happened that really is harassment and abuse of the term transphobia. You’re not transphobic, you like like to use the loo in private.
I possibly would have reported the abuse to police.

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:04

The city is quite...taken.

I imagine the police would view me as a hateful bigot.

OP posts:
mtw · 19/08/2023 23:06

No chanceyiumetalbastsrd. I agree with you. Sick man who thinks he is a women. Well done you for standing up for yourself, your m sick to of all this crap.
No?

HildasLostSock · 19/08/2023 23:07

I'm late 40's & have never shared a loo cubicle in my life, unless you count with my (then) 3 year old (& also with my mum when I was 3, probably). Also what @AvengedQuince said. Why would anyone share a cubicle with a stranger? So weird.

FigRollsAlly · 19/08/2023 23:07

If another woman suggested this it would be pretty gobsmacking, especially a stranger in a queue, and I would wonder if they had some weird fetish. If a man or transwoman suggested it I would feel quite threatened. Oh yes, let’s both lock ourselves in somewhere so can I pull down my knickers and wee in front of you. I wonder if he actually told his friends what he suggested or just reported back some made up transphobic remarks you were supposed to have made.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 19/08/2023 23:08

NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 21:59

This has been playing on my mind since it happened. In a pub on Thursday night just gone. Very old building - toilets not great. No separate mens/ladies. Go through one door and there are 3 cubicles for all. Everyone has to queue together in this very small space. Big queue - a 6 foot 4 ish man with a beard wearing a flowery blue dress and lipstick, who was stood behind me, suggested that we speed things up by "us girls" going in together. I refused. That led to a tirade of abuse including that I was a hateful old bigot and it was known that 'girls' always shared a loo. Obviously he told all his pals at the table he was sat at, and they loudly discussed my transphobia until I necked my drink and left. It has been bothering me ever since! Just sharing/venting more than anything.

How would that have sped things up? I would never go into a cubicle with a stranger man or woman, and if I see two women going in together I would assume they're on drugs - that's probably what's I'd have said.
Sounds like this very tall person was looking to pick a fight

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:08

FigRollsAlly · 19/08/2023 23:07

If another woman suggested this it would be pretty gobsmacking, especially a stranger in a queue, and I would wonder if they had some weird fetish. If a man or transwoman suggested it I would feel quite threatened. Oh yes, let’s both lock ourselves in somewhere so can I pull down my knickers and wee in front of you. I wonder if he actually told his friends what he suggested or just reported back some made up transphobic remarks you were supposed to have made.

It's just validation. They just want validation. Gals share loos. It's what we do, apparently.

OP posts:
mtw · 19/08/2023 23:08

It's a slippery road we are on, for all the other people who are replying with oh well , move on kind people f response I challenge you to imagine your young daughter being in a bathroom with this big hairy man.

mtw · 19/08/2023 23:10

Everyone is missing the bigger picture!! He shouldn't be allowed to go into the women's loo period!! Never mind about having a conversation about sharing like he's one of us!! No
You are a man.

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:10

How would that have sped things up? I would never go into a cubicle with a stranger man or woman, and if I see two women going in together I would assume they're on drugs - that's probably what's I'd have said.
Sounds like this very tall person was looking to pick a fight

I keep answering this! It doesn't speed things up, but, in my experience, it is not unusual for women friends to share a cubicle. From a basic point of view, it makes the queue seem shorter to those waiting. He wasn't trying to pick a fight. He was seeking validation from the only woman in the queue - me. Had he wanted to fight - he had many other men to pick from.

OP posts:
Kat19899 · 19/08/2023 23:10

What did the beard look like?

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:11

Kat19899 · 19/08/2023 23:10

What did the beard look like?

Let me think...like hair growing out of the chin and face of an adult male?

OP posts:
RufustheFactualReindeer · 19/08/2023 23:14

mtw · 19/08/2023 23:10

Everyone is missing the bigger picture!! He shouldn't be allowed to go into the women's loo period!! Never mind about having a conversation about sharing like he's one of us!! No
You are a man.

No one is missing the bigger picture

he wasn’t in the ladies loo…

agent765 · 19/08/2023 23:15

I think I might have looked him slowly up and down and asked "us girls?" in a sneery voice.

If I'm a victim of male violence in a women's toilet so be it. It's bound to happen one day soon when men are trying to gain access to our spaces.

Hepwo · 19/08/2023 23:15

NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 22:57

I've been on MN, on and off, since 2003.

As I mentioned, I rarely post on FWR because I am still learning and am usually left speechless by the intellect of the posters here. So I read, and digest.

I posted because it has been playing on my mind since Thursday. Nothing more.

Can you put something on an anonymous Google review to earn people?

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:15

agent765 · 19/08/2023 23:15

I think I might have looked him slowly up and down and asked "us girls?" in a sneery voice.

If I'm a victim of male violence in a women's toilet so be it. It's bound to happen one day soon when men are trying to gain access to our spaces.

I wish I had. Had more drink been taken I probably, foolishly, would have done. I was in a queue trapped with a man over a foot taller than me and other people ignoring it and staring at their phones.

OP posts:
determinedtomakethiswork · 19/08/2023 23:17

Badgaston · 19/08/2023 22:15

How creepy! I’ve only shared a loo with my female children. I wouldn’t share a loo with a female random stranger yet alone a male stranger.

Don't be daft. He was a girl.

Original poster
NoChanceYouMetalBastard · 19/08/2023 23:18

Don't be daft. He was a girl.

A strapping bearded over 6 feet tall girl. I would definitely have had a pillow fight with him, after we had shared a cubicle and swapped tampons Wink

OP posts:
BaronessEllarawrosaurus · 19/08/2023 23:21

Maybe it's what men really think, women go to the toilet in pairs when out frequently, Maybe they do believe we go in the cubicles together. Only ever seen it happen a couple of times and they were so drunk they were holding each other up.