So apparently I am a hateful bigot. Who knew?!

[NoChanceYouMetalBastard]

This has been playing on my mind since it happened. In a pub on Thursday night just gone. Very old building - toilets not great. No separate mens/ladies. Go through one door and there are 3 cubicles for all. Everyone has to queue together in this very small space. Big queue - a 6 foot 4 ish man with a beard wearing a flowery blue dress and lipstick, who was stood behind me, suggested that we speed things up by "us girls" going in together. I refused. That led to a tirade of abuse including that I was a hateful old bigot and it was known that 'girls' always shared a loo. Obviously he told all his pals at the table he was sat at, and they loudly discussed my transphobia until I necked my drink and left. It has been bothering me ever since! Just sharing/venting more than anything.

Or maybe you’ve got it backwards and those of us who have frequent stressful encounters with Transgenderists are more likely to become GC?

Does the OP claim to be a "GC feminist"? Or is she just an ordinary woman encountering the attentions of a creepy man claiming to be a woman? An increasingly regular occurrence since the social contact started being eroded by dodgy men.

And it’s that lack of understanding of the female experience and vulnerability that means no matter how people present, they will never be a woman.

I dunno. It just reminds me sometimes of all the MRA stories about 'the feminist who screamed at me for holding the door open'. But I try to give the benefit of the doubt as I know there are some truly bonkers TRAs out there for sure.

'Woman experiences unwanted boundary crossing behaviour by entitled horrible man'.

An increasingly common occurrence now which is why so many are here.

Sorry, I must learn to read posts thoroughly.

Maybe he was only asking because he knew you’d say no, and then he could complain about transphobia, hatred, bigotry etc etc etc, and get some more sympathy/ validation off his transablers?

I wonder if any of them offered to go in a cubicle with him to soothe his poor hurty feelz?

Reading this story reminds me of that crazy guy from a year two back
"It's MADAM! Call me MADAM, you fuck!"

I am gobsmacked that any of you share your toilet cubicles with anyone. I haven't done this since I had preschoolers. Most cubicles are too small, even if I wanted to do this, which I certainly don't.

So presumably he expected you to be comfortable pulling down your underwear in his presence in a small enclosed space whilst he whipped out his penis? Right. Anyone ANYONE who would defend that behaviour is far worse than any name they could call you for objecting.

I have never shared a cubicle (my own child when small excepted). Yuk.

So sorry this happened to you.

It almost beggars belief (I say this not to disbelieve you but, well, it's just insane that it happened isn't it?).

I would also urge you to contact the pub - not because they can do anything much but if I was manager of an establishment I would want to know if someone had been threatening other customers.

You don't even have to mention sex or gender if you feel it might be difficult, just tell them a stranger who was much bigger than you asked you to share a toilet cubicles and was abusive when you said no, and now you have reservations about going back to that pub.

Their response will tell you whether it's a place you want to continue to give your custom to, and you never know, they might respond positively and put steps in place to make the place safer.

Same. I have been in a cubicle with my Mum, and my daughters. I have shared changing cubicles with friends , but not loos, it hasn’t ever been necessary as it doesn’t save any time. I have shared a biggish bathroom as a very young woman, at a house party with a friend, where one of us needed a wee and the other wanted to have a private talk, put on makeup etc.
really weird and creepy of random man.
HatefulHag would be an excellent user name !

People also said it was very suspicious that the woman who reported Darren Merager for indecent exposure at Wi Spa was a Christian.

Your apparently circular reasoning moreover suggests that anyone who reports sexual harassment by a male in traditional feminine clothing is thereby and by definition GC? And will consequently invent a thing-that-never-happens to support their animus against trans people/men in general?

@ReginaRegina sexual harassment is rife actually. I see it a lot due to the nature of my job. It's very real and very common.

Well of course. There are loads of men about. Transwomen are pretty rare though.

Your apparently circular reasoning moreover suggests that anyone who reports sexual harassment by a male in traditional feminine clothing is thereby and by definition GC?

OP states she has been lurking and 'in awe' of the GC posters on here. She's not exactly entirely unaware of the debate.

i was speaking to future son in law last week re what he understood by the term gender critical

he said he thought it was supportive of gender, that people who are gender critical are all for keeping people in their boxes

i say this only because the phrase gender critical means different things to different people and i think it’s important during discussion to have the definitions

FFS I want to pee in peace - the idea that I would share with any random woman who volunteered is outrageous. My face would be a picture if any woman suggested that (I’ve done it with a pissed best friend a few times in my teens though!) Even if it was someone I knew, like a work colleague or a fellow mum, I’d be appalled.

If it was a 6ft 2 male with a beard then I would be beyond outraged and actually be intimidated and feel that this ‘offer’ was being made with ill intent. You are not a bigot for refusing. This person was involved in a very deliberate and intimidating power play and probably enjoyed watching you squirm. I would definitely let the pub know just in case they’re a serial chancer.

Did beard in dress just assume your gender?

What did I say wrong?

That no group should be above suspicion, because there are bad actors in all groups of humans?

I really don't understand why that's not allowed?

Apparently so!

Surely sharing a cubicle could only possibly speed the queue up if it was two men peeing together (and given the increased chance of wee going everywhere but the actual toilet means that’s not a scenario that actually benefits anyone)?

Yes, I agree with PP that it makes zero sense to share a cubicle. It does not speed things up, you still have to wait your turn. I’ve never, ever shared a toilet cubicle and have no desire to. I know on very drunken nights out, it’s not unheard of for two women to share a cubicle, but generally speaking, women who go to the toilets together are using separate cubicles! Then they might briefly chat at the sink, touching up their makeup in the mirror etc.

Years ago, while out clubbing, a tipsy female stranger behind me in a very busy loo queue asked if she could come in my cubicle as she was desperate. I just said no, you go in front! Obviously socialised to be kind and generous but there was no way in hell I was sharing a cubicle with anyone.

That bearded individual in the OP is seriously taking the piss (pun intended) and it’s not remotely hateful or bigoted to say no to him. You have a right to privacy. Those toilets sounds like a nightmare.