AIBU? Trans friend....

[OrchardBlack]

Have NC'd for this.

So a close friend of mine (female) and I booked tickets to an event in our town some time ago, due to take place in a few weeks. Both excited and looking forward to it , all good.

A few weeks ago she asks me if a male , straight friend of hers can also join, no problem, the more the merrier. I've never met him.

Except it now transpires that he has (quite suddenly from what I gather) said he is transitioning to be a woman and will use this night as his 'coming out'. He has messaged my friend saying that he's going to wear a sun dress and heels and he's nervous but excited too. He has also said we are to refer to him by his female name. My friend says he is currently in a relationship with a woman.

Now my friend is saying she is finding this all a lot to take on so suddenly as she's known him for many years as his male name and never even seen him with makeup on. I asked if he would be using the women's toilets on our night out, she doesn't know but I can only assume he is.

I feel very uncomfortable, as does my friend. I am fully supportive of people choosing to live how they wish, I just can't help feeling he's high-jacked our night. He isn't out as trans to any of his family etc so he has said no photos of the night etc. I'm also massively concerned that he is clearly still attracted to women and what this means for the safe spaces such as toilets etc.

She says she doesn't feel like she can talk to him about it and is concocting a plan to say she has covid and giving me my money back so we don't go. I'm dissapointed as I was looking forward to it.

AIBU to be deflated and a bit annoyed??

😂

Sorry. That should have been

🙄

He's hijacked more than your night if he's going to be using the ladies toilets.

@JayAlfredPrufrock sorry its not clear, is the rolling eyes aimed at me or the friend of a friend?

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

Um, yes I think yabu. Why can't you be happy for him?

Disclaimer: I'm aware I don't hold the same views as many in mumsnet.

Sorry, her

@ClaryFairchild

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

Are his feelings more important than women feeling safe in their own spaces?

Sounds like the shittiest ever night out.

Grab any chance to get out of it at minimal expense.

The whole scenario

@ClaryFairchild why do women have to be the ones to budge over because men are making other men unsafe? This is a guy playing dress up, should we let all those stag parties that go out dressed up as little old ladies into the women’s toilets in clubs too?

@ClaryFairchild

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

Not women's problem.

@Susu49 you can be happy for someone while also being pissed off that they’re hijacking your night out with your mate and making it all about themselves.

@ClaryFairchild

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

So he has a problem in the gents' toilet and somehow women have some sort of responsibility?

@Susu49

Um, yes I think yabu. Why can't you be happy for him?

Disclaimer: I'm aware I don't hold the same views as many in mumsnet.

Sorry, her

Right first time. Why do you think that is?

@ClaryFairchild

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

If he gets abused he can always call the police. Or tut loudly, avert his eyes and move away.

Make your excuses. You'll be doing this person a favour by making it clear early on that you are certainly no friend to them.

This is very selfish of this person. They were invited along to your and your friend's night out and intend to make it all about them.

How fucking annoying. How entitled to join an already planned night out and make it all about himself. There’s no way I’d want to be anywhere near a man that invades women’s spaces and thinks he’s a woman because he wears a sun dress and heels. And that makes him excited? 🤮

Can you go with someone else?

Bloody hell that's totally inappropriate and self-centred of this person. So they hear about your mutual friend and yourself who they don't really know, planning a night out together, and they gatecrash it to turn it into their coming out ceremony. That is so selfish.

They aren't your friend anyway so you should still be able to go. If the mutual friend doesn't feel she can come without being forced into the chief-cheerleader role against her will then you should just find some different friends to go with.

Nb there will probably be other unrelated transwomen in the loos at this event anyway. Whether or not you happen to be the friend-of-a-friend of one of them.

I couldn't do that. I wouldn't want to go out at all. I think you and your mate should go elsewhere. I think it's bloody cheeky for him to expect it actually.