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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

AIBU? Trans friend....

609 replies

OrchardBlack · 21/03/2022 22:41

Have NC'd for this.

So a close friend of mine (female) and I booked tickets to an event in our town some time ago, due to take place in a few weeks. Both excited and looking forward to it , all good.

A few weeks ago she asks me if a male , straight friend of hers can also join, no problem, the more the merrier. I've never met him.

Except it now transpires that he has (quite suddenly from what I gather) said he is transitioning to be a woman and will use this night as his 'coming out'. He has messaged my friend saying that he's going to wear a sun dress and heels and he's nervous but excited too. He has also said we are to refer to him by his female name. My friend says he is currently in a relationship with a woman.

Now my friend is saying she is finding this all a lot to take on so suddenly as she's known him for many years as his male name and never even seen him with makeup on. I asked if he would be using the women's toilets on our night out, she doesn't know but I can only assume he is.

I feel very uncomfortable, as does my friend. I am fully supportive of people choosing to live how they wish, I just can't help feeling he's high-jacked our night. He isn't out as trans to any of his family etc so he has said no photos of the night etc. I'm also massively concerned that he is clearly still attracted to women and what this means for the safe spaces such as toilets etc.

She says she doesn't feel like she can talk to him about it and is concocting a plan to say she has covid and giving me my money back so we don't go. I'm dissapointed as I was looking forward to it.

AIBU to be deflated and a bit annoyed??

OP posts:
Ohnohedident · 29/06/2022 14:11

dworky · 21/03/2022 23:08

@Susu49

Sorry, her
PMSL

Me too. It was beautiful. 😂😂😂

CannibalQueen · 29/06/2022 14:34

Good to see your update. He can have his grand coming out some other time.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 29/06/2022 15:10

Why should OP agree to spend an evening providing company for a self-centred gatecrasher, who intends to draw attention (regardless of how OP and her friend feel about this) and who is already issuing commands, eg no photos?

Why should she?

Eightiesfan · 29/06/2022 15:36

Well, if her friend is dressed as a woman, presents as a woman and behaves as a woman…

When is a trans woman not a trans woman?
When he’s a heterosexual man with a kink for dressing as a woman and trying to convince us all that he’s actually a lesbian. His excitement at dressing as a woman in public is very telling.

PrincessNutella · 10/07/2022 18:33

I don't know why a man dressed as a woman should be abused for going into the men's toilets. But this is a matter for men to sort out for themselves.

LimpBiskit · 10/07/2022 22:23

PrincessNutella · 10/07/2022 18:33

I don't know why a man dressed as a woman should be abused for going into the men's toilets. But this is a matter for men to sort out for themselves.

A man dressed as a woman isn't abused in mens toilets so there is nothing for men to sort out.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 10/07/2022 23:23

BiscuitLover3678 · 22/03/2022 07:46

What if this was a woman who was gay? Would you still be scared of her coming and using the toilet with you? So messed up.

A female using women's toilets or safe spaces would be fine. Lesbian women and trans men are welcome.

Women don't have the same track record of rape/assault/upskirting/voyeurism/exhibitionism etc. as males do.

SirVixofVixHall · 12/07/2022 15:42

ClaryFairchild · 21/03/2022 22:47

Of course someone dressed as a woman will be using the women's toilets. I don't like to but can you imagine the abuse they will have if they enter that men's toilets?!

There was a man, (I have forgotten his name , something Pink ?) who went into the gents in all sorts of places and then posted about it on Twitter. He usually wore a pvc mini, fishnets and heels. Anyway his posts were along the lines of “yet again no hassle for me in the gents”.
I think that most men would simply ignore a bloke in women’s clothing in the gents.

Humbolt · 12/07/2022 18:33

Sorry to digress slightly but does anyone who's been here a while remember a thread about a group of friends that were going on a spa weekend (possibly a hen do but might just have been a girls weekend). They wanted to bring along a friend who was a transwoman but were unsure as there was a woman within the group who had suffered directly from male violence (possible sexual assault). She was worried that having a transwoman there might make this other woman feel uncomfortable

The thread got a bit heated. There was also general discussion about how many women didn't like spa weekends. I would love to see that thread again. It has slight links with this one. Apologies OP again but I think it was quite a while ago but I remember it being one of the first threads where I really examined what I felt about this issue and I'd like to see it again. And as everyone knows the search facility on MN has been absolute shite since the update so I won't even bother trying to use it!

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