Great. Son now says he’s trans.

[dangermouseisace]

I am doing my best non judgemental listening but oh my god.

Middle child is “non binary”. Eldest today says the reason he’s not eating properly and why he was unhappy 4 years ago is because he’ll never be happy as a man, and he wants hormones surgery the lot.

I have been clear about my opinion re gender throughout their lives. I am glad they feel able to speak to me but I don’t know what to do. I’ve said I’ll book him a dr’s appointment, and suggested counselling. I feel it’s a case of too much internet but it’s hard to control that- they find old devices if you put restrictions on, and everything works off the internet these days.

My children clearly have their struggles but I feel a failure as a mother as I don’t feel strong enough to deal with them. I’ve already had time off work with stress this week. I feel I just cannot cope with anything any more. What the hell can I do?

Op how old are your children?

@DisgustedofManchester

Your inability to use consistent and correct pronouns makes me worry for the atmosphere your daughter is groing up in.

The boy's no more a girl if he "changes his pronouns" (whatever the fuck that means) than he would be a dog if he started barking.

OP, I am sorry. I would suggest counselling for yourself, urgently.

You need to look after your own mental health in order to be able to best support your children.

I would suggest some of the groups above for helping to find a therapist or counsellor who is not going to be signed up to some niche ideology, and who will allow you to talk freely through your feelings on this subject, which sounds very difficult for you.

Parenting is not easy! It's great that your children are able to speak with you. Teenagerhood, puberty and managing change is not easy.

I'm sorry your family is going through this. It seems like your child has a number of issues but is fixating on sex as the cause of his problems. Although the fact he says he doesn't want to grow up to be a man rather than he thinks he's a girl is an interesting point and one worth exploring.

@CorrBlimeyGG

You'll only fail them if you reject them for what they are. Some people are transgender. Accept it or lose your child (and give your head one massive shake).

One of my dc are adamant they don’t have send.

So I should just accept this and ignore the medical advice? Ignore the school sendco advice? Let them drown in a mainstream that can’t reasonably accommodate their disabilities needs?

No advice, but just offering my support OP.
All the affirmation is frankly terrifying.

Give over. Where has the OP said they aren't using the child's pronouns of choice when talking face to face?

What’s bizarre about the whole pronoun thing is that sex based pronouns aren’t relevant when speaking face to face. You’s the only option.

You use sex based pronouns about someone who isn’t present.

I think that the question parents in your position need to ask is, 'If I were raising this child (in your case these two children) on a remote Scottish island with no internet or TV, would they still be "trans"?'

Or 'If I were raising this child (in your case these two children) fifty years ago, when they had never heard about trans, would they still be "trans"?

I think we all know the answer.

This dangerous nonsense can only continue if we continue to enable it.

I’m sorry. You must be exhausted. Take a look at GenSpec.

I think most of us on here would not want to enable it @Maskless
The problem is that gender critical people (GC women in particular) are shut down at every turn.
Schools are going along with young people's gender/name changes without informing parents.
Thank goodness your children are comfortable talking to you @dangermouseisace
You at least have a fighting chance of protecting them

Professor Robert Winston, one of this country’s most foremost biologists, has stated quite clearly that humans cannot change sex.

What's that lovely purpose of Mumsnet? To make parent's lives easier

A worried parent posts on here and gets responses seen on this thread from Disgusting and Corrblimey. I wonder what it is they don't get about parenting? (no prizes for stating the obvious!)

[quote ANewCreation]The whole series is fantastic but a quick listen to the latest gender a wider lens podcast would be useful to you, I imagine OP, where Helena, a detransitioned woman talks about her own journey and offers parents advice about what to do when a child starts to talk about a trans identity.

[/quote] I listened to the first one with Helena which was quite fascinating, she also got into it via SM, mainly Tumblr and YouTube because she found puberty so confusing and alienating. Its well worth a listen to hear someone talking from a similar perspective to your son.

@CorrBlimeyGG

You'll only fail them if you reject them for what they are. Some people are transgender. Accept it or lose your child (and give your head one massive shake).

Exactly this. I’m absolutely gobsmacked by the OP and some of the awful comments by PP.

Ooops - apostrophe fail - To make parents' lives easier.

@LittleBearPad

Give over. Where has the OP said they aren't using the child's pronouns of choice when talking face to face?

What’s bizarre about the whole pronoun thing is that sex based pronouns aren’t relevant when speaking face to face. You’s the only option.

You use sex based pronouns about someone who isn’t present.

Not always. My neighbour refers to her trans daughter and she/her when we are in a group conversation over the fence, with the daughter present.

I think you are right to look at counseling first op. Your child may be trans. And they may not be. It's far more sensible to explore non intrusive options before moving down a medical pathway from which there is no return.

@CrazyCatLazy @DisgustedofManchester

You do realise most decent parents will never disown their child or reject them for what they are? Trans or not trans.

I’d bet money on the OP being one such caring parent.

Caring parents do not unquestioningly accept everything their children say or give in to their every demand. Especially not if doing so could lead to a lifetime of medical intervention and health risks.

@DisgustedofManchester

Your inability to use consistent and correct pronouns makes me worry for the atmosphere your daughter is groing up in.

Watch TT Exulansic on YouTube, find the relevant bits and use when appropriate with your child.

I have to say, I find the three posters on this thread who would happily lie to a child, twist their immature minds and feed their delusion/social contagion, and set them on a horrific pathway of drugs and surgery based on their lies and sick societal stereotypes, to be absolutely disgusting and culpable in the abuse of children.

Not always. My neighbour refers to her trans daughter and she/her when we are in a group conversation over the fence, with the daughter present.

Seems rather performative. It’s pretty rude to say he/she when the individual is standing there

@LastSummerHere

I have to say, I find the three posters on this thread who would happily lie to a child, twist their immature minds and feed their delusion/social contagion, and set them on a horrific pathway of drugs and surgery based on their lies and sick societal stereotypes, to be absolutely disgusting and culpable in the abuse of children.

This ^^

If their kids came home claiming to be transdisabled would they be rushing to affirm them also. A trip to the doctors to schedule leg amputation.

And how insulting to those of us who are disabled, who had no choice in the matter and yet still have to live with the reality day in day out.

@LittleBearPad

Give over. Where has the OP said they aren't using the child's pronouns of choice when talking face to face?

What’s bizarre about the whole pronoun thing is that sex based pronouns aren’t relevant when speaking face to face. You’s the only option.

You use sex based pronouns about someone who isn’t present.

No, you use them when you're talking about someone in the third person whether they're present or not. There are lots of circumstances where you might refer to someone with third person pronouns in their presence. "This is Bob, he works in human resources." It would be very difficult to go through life entirely avoiding ever using a third person pronoun in the subject's hearing.