I think I’m going mad….

[Iootraw1]

I’ve absolutely had enough of my family bringing up ‘mum’s views’ (which I’ve learnt to keep completely private from them due to previously accusations of bigotry’), and then when I say a single thing in response,, accusing me of being ‘obsessed’ with it and not keeping it to myself!

I feel like I’m going mad. Husband saying he doesn’t know why I’m so obsessed with trans matters and I should keep to myself - I do! I don’t want to share with them because they don’t agree and don’t want to hear it.
Ever since the first time I tried to bring up and got shot down my him and kids I decided I would never mention again and wait for them one day to find out for themselves and be peaked.

But Just once again tonight in response to their accusations (they brought up subject not me) I tried to explain briefly why it opposes women’s rights and homosexual rights and got quickly turned upon. I’ve bought Trans by Helen Joyce now and will just tell them to read it next time (although will no doubt get condemned for buying a ‘transphobic’ book and they will refuse to read it) I feel really down, I can’t even have my own personal opinions and thoughts now without my very own family trying to eek out of me what ‘I really think’ and nose at what I’m looking at over my shoulder (I follow Glinner and Posie and Mars). I’ve bought headphones so they don’t hear it and never share any of it. I have to clear my history in case they search it.

It’s like some weird dystopia we’ve all been forced to enter. I even mentioned the olympics tonight in my defence and they still they said that I imagine all of this and it’s not really happening.

What will it take for they and the general public to wake up and at least listen to women’s concerns? I feel so upset tonight. 😩

Your family sound disrespectful. Sorry, but they do.

Bloody hell, OP.

You do not have to clear your internet history. Are you in an abusive or controlling relationship?

No I’m not in a controlling relationship. It’s just this one topic it seems. And having an 18 and 15 year old it seems this is the way they all think now. They don’t listen to other people’s views, can’t disagree with anyone else without being derisive. Young people seem to think they have to all agree on everything all they can’t like someone at all, or have to ‘correct’ their thinking.
But I long for the day everyone wakes up and smells the roses and gives women, gay people and anyone who’s stood up in the past against this a bloody break.

Sounds like your family can't have a respectful debate.
Sorry you're in this situation. You're not going mad, you're just surrounded by disrespectful people.

At least my DP can agree to disagree when it's an emotive topic.

I'm so sorry that they are doing this to you op. You don't have to put up with this.

They need to read Trans. But frankly they need to read 1984 and Clockwork Orange first.

Wrongthink mummy that you are.

OP - I often feel we're in the middle of a disinformation campaign on the scale of Kornbluth's Marching Morons
www.gutenberg.org/files/51233/51233-h

All of the following is from: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/womens_rights/a3442241-a-conspiracy-theory?msgid=83082534#83082534

I can't stand the story because it is often used, inappropriately, to deprecate others...

That said, that scenario always reminds me of Kornbluth's scifi story, Marching Morons because it succeeds by undermining people's memories and certainties.
…
One of the characters, Mrs Garvy, remembers that rockets crash so she is sceptical when she sees references to trips to Venus as a desirable vacation destination. Nonetheless, well-planted media propaganda undermines her certainty. As does her husband's certainty that she's wrong because women are unlikely to pay appropriate attention to current events.

Start quotation

Well, I thought ya couldn't get to Venus. I thought they just had that
one rocket thing that crashed on the Moon."
"Aah, women don't keep up with the news," said Garvy righteously,
subsiding again.
"Oh," said his wife uncertainly.
And the next day, on Henry's Other Mistress, there was a new character who had just breezed in: Buzz Rentshaw, Master Rocket Pilot of the Venus run.
On Henry's Other Mistress, "the broadcast drama about you and your
neighbors, folksy people,ordinary people, real people." Mrs. Garvy listened with amazement over a cooling cup of coffee as Buzz made hay of her hazy convictions.
...
She was a stubborn woman, but it occurred to her that she
was very sick indeed. She didn't want to worry her husband. The next day she quietly made an appointment with the family freud.
In the waiting-room she picked up a fresh new copy of Readers
Pablum and put it down with a faint palpitation. The lead article, according to the table of contents on the cover, was titled "The Most Memorable Venusian I Ever Met."
...
Like many cures of mental disorders, Mrs. Garvy's was achieved largely by self-treatment. She disciplined herself sternly out of the crazy notion that there had been only one rocket ship and that one a failure. She could join without wincing, eventually, in any conversation on the desirability of Venus as a place to retire, on its fabulous floral profusion. Finally she went to Venus.
End quotation

She was, of course, by participating in the trip, also participating in the propaganda programme (the travellers didn't know the trip hadn't left Earth. And, it's used to persuade people to compete for space on Venus colonisation transports that are the cover for an extreme eugenics and depopulation programme.

although will no doubt get condemned for buying a ‘transphobic’ book and they will refuse to read it

You could tell them that suppressing books in this way is favoured by authoritarians such as the Nazis and shows the worst aspects of many totalitarian regimes. They might want to reflect where they want to stand from a historical perspective:

www.freedomtoread.ca/resources/bannings-and-burnings-in-history/

Maybe try the thing you do with toddlers, leave the room when they start. Don't give it any attention.

I also wouldn't be doing anything nice for them either, why would they want transphobic old mum doing stuff for them when they could be doing it themselves? Bet they don't mind spending all your transphobic money or eating all of your transphobic food.

They don't have to agree with you but they could do without being so damn rude.

If you want your own perspective on what's happening OP, I would recommend you listen to this archived episode of In Our Time from BBC Radio 4:

www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m000q9b6

The parallels are so striking it will reinforce your belief that there's a difference between who can browbeat the most and who is actually right.

Strikes me that your family have a well-developed sense of proportion and you could learn something from them.

Maybe you can turn this round, put the pressure on them.

Put up a few women's rights posters. Tie a few suffragette colour ribbons around the place. Place a few pro LGB stickers and postcards around. Don't talk about it, just do these things.

If anyone from your family mentions them accuse them of being obsessed with the subject. If they criticise them ask why they're against women's rights. Never mention trans even if they do - stick to women's rights and LGB rights. If they try to counter this with trans arguments again accuse them of being obsessed. Argue positively for women's and LGB rights rather than negatively against trans demands.

You never know it might work, and it will probably make you feel better.

@RobinMoiraWhite

Strikes me that your family have a well-developed sense of proportion and you could learn something from them.

Either you are hard of reading, hard of thinking, or being deliberately disingenuous.

I've an inkling that I know the answer.

Fifteen and eighteen are hard years in terms of children who know everything.

I would just say 'I'm not discussing this with you' and repeat as necessary.

The fact you are having to delete your browsing history in order not to be hounded or 'educated' is really worrying and really sounds like coercive behaviour.

@RobinMoiraWhite

Strikes me that your family have a well-developed sense of proportion and you could learn something from them.

Stalking Mumsnet as usual. You must like learning too.

Oh OP

I too am here 100% with a teen who has this week told me they are trans and I am the worst because I can't stop being GC.

If they bring it up again tell them to do their own research, your journey is your own to make.

If they ridicule you, ask them if that makes them feel better about themselves to humiliate you?

Make space for your own beliefs and your own privacy. They wouldn't like it much if you invaded their privacy, maybe they need a reminder.

Oh and kindle app is your friend, nobody in this house knows what I am reading. Ever.

Sympathies OP. Most of us who have teenagers know this stage. The faux superiority and dismissal of vows that don't accord with theirs.
As Chickenyhead suggests, ensure you've your own privacy and space for your beliefs. This is an intolerant ideology that brooks no opposition and teenagers are mere fodder for the exploitative adults involved.

Strikes me that your family have a well-developed sense of proportion and you could learn something from them.

Strikes me that you could learn a lot from the women here, if you weren't so obsessed with your own agenda.

If anyone is curious about where some drive-by posts on this thread might come from, some googling will clarify matters.

@nauticant

If anyone is curious about where some drive-by posts on this thread might come from, some googling will clarify matters.

Wow imagine being that person and having nothing better to do than hurt people on a Saturday night? Quite sad really. Poor man.

It's like the Chinese cultural revolution where young people were encouraged to harass their elders. If I were you I would refuse to discuss one more word if it with them. You have a right to a private life.

@Iootraw1
"I’ve bought Trans by Helen Joyce now and will just tell them to read it next time"

This will not exactly help dispel the notion that you're obsessed.

One book = obsession

Do TRAs not read?

Wow