This isn’t just about the teenagers though. It’s about the husband. OP says this isn’t a normal dynamic in her family, so it’s odd that it’s cropped up here. What the OP describes contains all the elements of abusive bullying.
Your husband should be telling your children that you have a right to your opinion, OP, even if he disagrees with it. Instead, he is accusing you of obsesssion on the subject and is telling you to be quiet. If he isn’t usually controlling, I’d wonder why it is he feels so strongly about this particular topic. My ex expressed something similar, but more mildly. And he was abusive, on occasion, though by then I had mostly learned to deflect him.
Why do you feel you have to hide your history? Who is looking? If you don’t hide it, what happens? You know you shouldn’t have to feel that way?
I think you have two choices. If you don’t feel able to debate your views, then you should refuse to discuss it. You can state clearly that you are tired of them attacking you for your opinion and ask them to stop. You can explain that their attacks are hurting you and ask them again to stop. Stay polite and stand your ground. Don’t get dragged into defending yourself. Keep on refusing to discuss it. If necessary, walk away. Consider potential consequences if they carry on being disrespectful to you after you have asked them to stop. They need to know that you will not put up with being disrespected in your own house. Rinse and repeat, every single time it arises.
Your husband should be backing you up in this conversation. I would explain to him beforehand that you want these attacks to stop because they are causing you distress. Remind him that you have a right to your own opinion, whether or not anyone else agrees. Ask him to defend you when you politely ask for these attacks to stop. If he refuses, then I’m afraid his behaviour is definitely abusive on this issue, even if not on others.
Should you feel a little more confident in your understanding, then you might feel able to debate this. Note that I said debate, not defend.
This is what you said in your OP:
I tried to explain briefly why it opposes women’s rights and homosexual rights
I would avoid trying to explain. That’s exactly what they are trying to trap you into and then rather than engage the points you have made, this is how you describe their response:
they said that I imagine all of this and it’s not really happening
So this is the definition of gaslighting. You know this is happening, you know you are not imagining it. They are lying and your response ”I think I’m going mad” is the standard feeling for someone who is being bullied in this particular way.
So if you do want to debate this:
They are attacking you in a hostile manner. You need to stop being defensive and start challenging their views. Ask them difficult questions. “Do you think intact men should be moved into women’s prisons?”
If they tell you it’s not happening, tell them calmly that it is and repeat the question. Continue in this line, repeating that it is happening, tell them to read up if they are unaware, repeat your question. Do not get dragged off onto any other point. Do not get into a discussion about the language you are using.
You need to get them to express their opinion which is either “yes, intact men should be in women’s prisons” or “actually mum, maybe you do have a point and if that is happening, it shouldn’t be”.
If they express the former, then I think I’d point out to them that international human rights laws stipulate that women should only be imprisoned with other women and that if they advocate putting men in women’s prisons, they are advocating the removal of women’s human rights. Then refuse to debate further on the grounds that agreement on the topic is obviously impossible.
But you have to be firm in your own mind before you try this. You have to make some decisions and stick to them. They would include refusing to allow them to derail with lies, refusing to allow them to draw you into defending your own position, refusing to modify your language. You need to talk about intact men with testicles and penis and not get distracted or defensive about the language you are using. Keep to YOUR point, which is that you want a direct answer to your question.
Effectively this is a modification of the Stanniland technique, using a question of your choosing. They will try to get off the hook by any means possible because when you really get down to it, moving men into women’s spaces is, at best, a contentious thing to do. They need to own it if that’s what they’re arguing for.
You can, of course, employ tactic one, if you try tactic two and can’t manage. It took me a long time to be able to stand up to my ex and not let him deflect or distract.
I hope this doesn’t break your relationship apart. If your husband refuses to back you in your reasonable request, then you have a significant problem and I think you probably know that. The status quo isn’t good for your mental health, so letting this go on isn’t really a viable option. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.