Have been called transphobic by my trans child

[Firevixen]

My trans boy child just called me transphobic because I said they couldn't have their boyfriend over for a sleepover because they have a penis. My DC is 14 and the BF is 15.

They asked me what about if they had a transgirl stay over and I said that would be a no too because they have a penis.

So my DC thinks I'm transphobic and that I think that they are going to go around having sex with everyone.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? no one in their right mind would let two underage teenagers of the opposite sex, who are dating, have a sleepover, would they?

Not being unreasonable at all and you are stating the truth. I’d do the same as you.

Would it not be two teenagers who are dating? That makes sense to me ... not the focus on whether they have a penis .... I agree that I wouldn’t allow a sleepover at that age between two teenagers who are dating .... it does sound transphobic to me

Ach you will always be the baddie when teenagers try to push the boundaries. Making the bedroom a penis free zone is pretty normal parenting I would say.

You are not unreasonable at all. Of course you are not. We had this conversation with our teenager too at the same age. No person that they are having a romantic relationship with gets to sleep over with them at that age.

@iwantavuvezela

Would it not be two teenagers who are dating? That makes sense to me ... not the focus on whether they have a penis .... I agree that I wouldn’t allow a sleepover at that age between two teenagers who are dating .... it does sound transphobic to me

To be clear, do you think that it sounds transphobic to give the reason as being that a person has a penis? And can impregnate a 14 year old? That is transphobic to state?

You’re right, OP, no one would allow that, whatever combination of identities or sexualities.

Of course YANBU, it’s nothing to do with trans status, it’s basic parenting

At that age - no romantic partners for sleepovers. The sex of the person is irrelevant.

The transphobic accusation is just a complete smokescreen and an attempt by your DC to coerce you into doing what they want (teenagers!)

I’m sure there are parents out there that would allow it, some going on the theory that they’ll “just do it anyway, so make it a safe environment” etc.

But I wouldn’t, and nor would any of my friends (those that have DC).

My 14 year old child wouldn’t be having a sleepover with someone they were classing as their boyfriend or girlfriend, penis or no penis. It’s far too young.

How on earth is it transphobic for OP to say that no her DC can’t have a person of the opposite sex to sleep over? Who let’s 2 opposite sex underage teenagers who are dating have a sleep over?

If at 14 they’re in a relationship with the person that person isn’t sleeping over. Regardless of whether or not they do or do not have a penis.

Dates can’t stay overnight in your bedroom. Penis/no penis is not the issue.

Irrespective of their senses, it would be a no from me as they are underage. That they are biologically the opposite sex and therefore sex also comes with a risk of pregnancy does need to be something they are reminded of though.

It’s not transphobic because clearly your child’s trans-ness is entirely irrelevant. You would not allow your female child to have a male boyfriend sleep over, whether your child identifies as a boy or a girl.

So, it seems there is a mix of reactions here. To the people who say sex is irrelevant, would you allow friends of the opposite sex to sleepover? bearing in mind my DC has a small room and they would have to share a bed.

To make things more complicated, I said yes to my DC having a sleepover at another trans boys house, as they are both biological girls. Should it just be a blanket, no boys rule, regardless of sex?

I wouldn’t allow anyone they’re in a relationship to sleep over. End of.

Friends of the opposite sex would be a no sleeping in the bedroom too.

And none of my kids are trans and that was my rules when they were teens. I didn’t do mixed sex sleepovers at all. Ever.

You are safeguarding your child. Your child is kicking against the boundaries you are setting. It was ever thus.

No sleepovers with members of the opposite sex whether they are dating or not dating is the rule in this house.

No. No opposite sex sleepovers in bedrooms.

A family is not a democracy and you are entitled to veto any overnight house guest under your roof for any reason you wish, or for no reason at all. I don't think even the most trans-accepting parents would consent to someone with a penis sharing a bed with a 14-year-old who is presumably at risk of getting pregnant, whatever gender identities are involved. That's just responsible parenting.

Your child knows they are not going to be allowed to do this but they're having a go anyway because the job of a teen is to push boundaries. They've decided to play the transphobic card because it's often a winner. Obviously 'trans' is irrelevant to this issue which is about biology. You're not transphobic OP, you're a perfectly reasonable parent.

Nice try sweetie but and acts that can add to the population are a no no under my roof end of discussion 🙄

I'd put a ban on sleep overs that could lead to pregnancy, regardless of who is what gender