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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Have been called transphobic by my trans child

254 replies

Firevixen · 26/07/2021 17:23

My trans boy child just called me transphobic because I said they couldn't have their boyfriend over for a sleepover because they have a penis. My DC is 14 and the BF is 15.

They asked me what about if they had a transgirl stay over and I said that would be a no too because they have a penis.

So my DC thinks I'm transphobic and that I think that they are going to go around having sex with everyone.

I'm not being unreasonable am I? no one in their right mind would let two underage teenagers of the opposite sex, who are dating, have a sleepover, would they?

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 26/07/2021 22:25

So my DC thinks I'm transphobic and that I think that they are going to go around having sex with everyone.
A pretty common worry for parents to have with teenagers.

DdraigGoch · 26/07/2021 22:30

@Katypyee

Perhaps you didn't intend to be transphobic but I can see how your son could interpret it that way.

Whether a person has a penis or not is irrelevant. It is more the fact they are in a relationship.

I would also suggest that MN is probably not the best place to ask about trans related issues. Almost all the posts are anti-trans.

I would explain to your son, that the genitals of their partner is irrelevant. The issue you have is with their partner sleeping over when they are in a relationship.

How the hell are genitals "irrelevant"? The number one concern about intimate relationships is the risk of pregnancy. That requires a coupling of male and female genitals.
littlbrowndog · 26/07/2021 22:33

Gawd I hope when mine are all old enough I won’t have to,worry about whose a trans girl who a trans boy or non binary

All quite attention seeking and tiresome.

Fuck I couldn’t even give no tosses now with this

Don’t know how you parents put up with this shit

Just stand up to,them. Can’t be worse than dealing with a toddler whose crusts are wrong way up. 🤣

DdraigGoch · 26/07/2021 22:34

@SuccessfullySaved

Would people allow a sleep over between a trans boy and a trans girl who are not in a relationship?
Given that they have the right combination of genitals to risk pregnancy, that means separate rooms at night and open doors by day.

Just like any other mixed-sex combination. Even if they aren't in a relationship, teens will be teens.

littlbrowndog · 26/07/2021 22:35

@Katypyee

Perhaps you didn't intend to be transphobic but I can see how your son could interpret it that way.

Whether a person has a penis or not is irrelevant. It is more the fact they are in a relationship.

I would also suggest that MN is probably not the best place to ask about trans related issues. Almost all the posts are anti-trans.

I would explain to your son, that the genitals of their partner is irrelevant. The issue you have is with their partner sleeping over when they are in a relationship.

You speak nonsense tbh
Deadringer · 26/07/2021 22:36

Sex is never irrelevant.

therocinante · 26/07/2021 22:36

Dunno why you need to bring teenagers' genitals into it at all, really - no boyfriends or girlfriends to sleep over until at least 16 is surely the point?

By pointing out the friend's genitals you gave your child the impression that was the issue, not that they're too young to be having a sexual relationship.

littlbrowndog · 26/07/2021 22:39

Right combinations of genitals ffs

What’s going on here

It’s a boy and a girl. Not some aliens who landed from space and we didn’t know what was going

It’s a boy and a girl whatever they call themselves. Just being teen chancers as ever

Pastrydame · 26/07/2021 22:39

It's relevant as your bestie might be the opposite sex from you, and even though you swear blind nothing is going on many parents would rather not take the risk - and who knows if one of the teens would like to be more than a friend.

Darcymayx · 26/07/2021 22:39

@littlbrowndog

Right combinations of genitals ffs

What’s going on here

It’s a boy and a girl. Not some aliens who landed from space and we didn’t know what was going

It’s a boy and a girl whatever they call themselves. Just being teen chancers as ever

Agreed
Mockolate · 26/07/2021 22:42

Dunno why you need to bring teenagers' genitals into it at all, really - no boyfriends or girlfriends to sleep over until at least 16 is surely the point?

This! I'd just say no sleepover with your boyfriend, why would I mention his penis?! Confused
No wonder your child was a bit Hmm I mean they're not daft, they presumably know about the facts of life and that penises can get you pregnant by now!

My trans boy child just called me transphobic because I said they couldn't have their boyfriend over for a sleepover because they have a penis.

So your child's boyfriend isn't trans? That's what it sounds like - so what on earth do you need to mention "penis" for, just say no sleepover!
You've made it sound weird, I'd have been a bit Hmm if my mum had started wanging on about my boyfriend having a penis too lol, I'd probably have been like "erm, duh yeah, I know?!

littlbrowndog · 26/07/2021 22:48

Any way don’t know if this is a feminist issue there is a lgbt forum on Mumsnet.

Unless you view this as a feminist issue ?

Whatsnewpussyhat · 26/07/2021 22:49

She believes she isn't attracted to biological males, regardless of how they choose to present now. And that she is attracted to biological females, regardless of how they present. and trans issues are mudding the waters on what her own sexuality is. But I told her she doesn't need to rush to put a label on it yet or at all

She has also been labelled a transcribe herself for not wanting to date a trans girl

And this is the problem when males decided female words now belonged to them too.

Now we have a whole generation of young same sex attracted females who no longer have sole use of the very word that describes their sexual orientation, despite it being a protected characteristic.

So their choice is to either be coerced into believing they should have sex with a male who says they are a lesbian or identity as a straight man to escape it.

Children being taught that men can have a vagina and women can have a penis!
No wonder they are so bloody confused.

littlbrowndog · 26/07/2021 22:55

But how is this a feminist issue. This is not aibu nor about lgbt relationships with their parents.

Their is another forum for this

Cailleach1 · 26/07/2021 23:01

Whether a person has a penis or not is irrelevant.

What a silly statement when referring to someone on a sleepover with a 14 year old girl. Op, I don't have daughters, but would not let a male teen in with them for a sleepover.

PrincessNutella · 26/07/2021 23:12

I am just shaking my head, OP. The nonsense with which you are expected to put. You are right, your daughter is wrong, and No is a complete sentence.

Emmelina · 26/07/2021 23:13

It doesn’t matter to me that they’re trans or not. It’s the potential for unprotected and underage PIV sex. If there’s one of each in the room 🤷🏻‍♀️

GNCQ · 26/07/2021 23:18

Someone should send this thread to "Girl" Guides.

TalkingOutYerArse · 26/07/2021 23:27

You need to tell your kid that throwing the transphobe card about like this really isnt going to get them the kind of attention they think it will as well.

DdraigGoch · 26/07/2021 23:45

@littlbrowndog

But how is this a feminist issue. This is not aibu nor about lgbt relationships with their parents.

Their is another forum for this

This thread has been posted in "Sex and Gender Discussion". The subject of this thread is the confusion of sex and gender. Seems like the right section to me.
DdraigGoch · 26/07/2021 23:46

Oh, and this thread is also about how one word gets thrown about in an effort to silence women.

Wearywithteens · 27/07/2021 00:06

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

IsItAKindofDream · 27/07/2021 01:40

@Firevixen

So, it seems there is a mix of reactions here. To the people who say sex is irrelevant, would you allow friends of the opposite sex to sleepover? bearing in mind my DC has a small room and they would have to share a bed.

To make things more complicated, I said yes to my DC having a sleepover at another trans boys house, as they are both biological girls. Should it just be a blanket, no boys rule, regardless of sex?

Say no to any sleepovers in your child’s bedroom as you are saying they would have to share a bed. If anyone stays, they can sleep on the sofa.
RainbowMumzy · 27/07/2021 06:56

Regardless of gender I wouldn't allow my 14/15 year old to have a romantic partner stay in the same room as each other.

KidneyBeans · 27/07/2021 06:59

This thread has been posted in "Sex and Gender Discussion". The subject of this thread is the confusion of sex and gender. Seems like the right section to me.

This topic is sex and gender discussion in the FEMINISM topic, not sex and gender discussion generally. I too am struggling to see the feminist implications of this thread.

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