I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

[WhatTheFuckHappenedHere]

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

I'm v curious as to what the 'self care' instructions for the meeting were?

I do my ironing during webinar-style meetings where you can’t have your camera on or speak. It frees up extra time at weekends for proper self-care.

However, when the clearly male organiser shared his/their screen to the meeting, I could see that another open tab was for a support group for women only with a specific condition, so the plot thickens.

Ooh the plot does thicken! Please do return with any info on that!

Glad no one else bowed down to the fuckery.

Solidarity in silence!

I also wonder if men feel as put upon as women when this happens? Or do men just feel more able to say fuck that?

Well done

Betty
I ran an online session and one lady had both sound and video off.
At the end she turned them on.
She had been grooming a pony the whole time

@BettyFilous

I just made pizza dough during a meeting this afternoon. Means I can eat earlier and open the wine faster :-)

@ListeningQuietly

Betty I ran an online session and one lady had both sound and video off. At the end she turned them on. She had been grooming a pony the whole time

she wins!

It's almost a bit disappointing it didn't come to a head, but then I am having a slow afternoon :)

Having read all the suggested responses, it seems like the worst thing we can do in this sort of situation is just go along with it for a peaceful life, but there is also a risk with some of the more sarcastic responses (as satisfying as they would be to say) of putting people's backs up unnecessarily - even those who might be somewhat gender-skeptical.

There must be a way of pointedly shutting this kind of thing down without a 'barb'... maybe something like "I think that stating preferred pronouns is a political act, and it legitimises an ideology I do not agree with." and leaving it at that?

Phew op ! Thanks for the thread. I have a feeling I’m going to be in this position soon and have bookmarked this thread (not in a visible tab ) as there have been some brilliant suggestions.

I’m well jel of all this multitasking whilst WFH. I can’t make pizza dough whilst I’m running a clinic. No fair!

The pony grooming anecdote wins. Think how relaxing that would be, as well as useful!

See this seems to show the mood of the general public, which is mostly accepting of trans people but intolerant of bullshit. So the trans or NB person will be treated with decency but no one else will state pronouns or accept men have periods or women have penises.

How this is not seen as a result I do not know.

It’s like being vegan and expecting everyone around you to never eat meat near you, people think you’re a wanker!

@justchecking1

"I'd really prefer not to be defined by any of the current gender stereotypes. I'm actually attempting to go pronoun free at the moment, so I've brought along a set of laminated cards depicting the symbol I'd like to be referred to as, and I'm hoping people could just hold that up at the appropriate points in place of a pronoun. Would you like me to distribute them now, or once the meeting starts?"

See, I like this too. So many excellent responses on this thread it almost makes me sad I'm self-employed and will almost certainly never need them.

@BettyFilous I do that too! Or do my filing and sorting of mountains of paperwork that just seems to keep accumulating on the floor somehow. I can never work out how it gets there ...

@ListeningQuietly

Betty I ran an online session and one lady had both sound and video off. At the end she turned them on. She had been grooming a pony the whole time

Internet grooming is no laughing matter, I hope you called the police.

Arabella
Internet grooming is no laughing matter, I hope you called the police.
You just made me spit my tea

FWIW it was a networking session with about 35 people and I encourage people to put questions into the chat and then people answer on the video
as then everybody sees the exact question and can consider their responses.
We all laughed a LOT when she turned her phone screen on.

to those wondering how : phone in back pocket and earphone

Wondering if there is some kind of toy pony (maybe with saddle and all the bits) that I could groom contentedly wfh.
I think this may sound rather rude/suggestive - not meant. I’m deadly serious.

Heron
Do a pet ambush ....
All but one turn off their video. Get pets onto laps. All turn on video.
THEN ask for pronouns
I want to be known as Tibbles

Internet grooming is no laughing matter, I hope you called the police

Just had another round of emails about creating a google form for people to sign up to something, around 100 people are expected to sign up. Apparently we need to add a column for them to put their pronouns I don’t think I’ll reply to that one!

I’m off to groom my pony.

Yours,

Whatthefuck

Your majesty/his grace/her royal greatness

Oh, aye, fond of his column, I bet.

Ffs! Sounds good 👍

@Winterterrace

“I’d like to be referred to as he and him and I expect my next pay slip to reflect that.”

Yes

Sadly I have left a few support groups that were supposedly women only. They weren’t. So I’m intrigued as to the open tab you spotted.

I’m glad the meeting was ok - nice to see others didn’t cave to it either. This stuff honestly makes me glad I’m not working right now. I’m a bit worried about potential work I’m looking for now - the work I want to do may mean I work in a fairly woke environment.

Yes yes - I would have said I relate to pronouns typically related to my sex - so she / her / if others wish to do differently - I shall use them.

& yes my granny always said " she was the cat's mother" - do I relate as a cat. ?

I think the pronoun thing is fashionable - I think there are more important things to think about

Just to add - pressed the button - if a colleague of mine had a strong preference re pronouns - of course I would use them but for the high percentage of people who don't think about their pronouns day to day - don't make them think about them - probably unpopular with some - but live and let live - you let me know what pronouns you want - I'll use them - I'll stick with the ones assigned at birth for the last half a century