I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

[WhatTheFuckHappenedHere]

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

I have never really understood the pronoun thing. Most of the time we are either speaking to people directly and don't need to use anything or we need to use their name to distinguish them from someone else. We might occasionally use a pronoun (usually when the person we are talking about isn't there), in which case the default is to go with what someone looks like. The only people who need to announce pronouns are people who fall into the infinitesimally small category of wanting to control how other people refer to them when talking to someone else.

Here fir the outcome too, @WhatTheFuckHappenedHere.

I'm the unlikely event I'm put in this position, I'd love to be brave enough to:

Hullo, I'm Chaos.
My role is xxx.
Pronouns?
Oh, um.
I'm spar/ta/cus
Look around ecpectantly

I’m back! Sorry, long meeting and then other work related tedious stuff to do. It was fine, in a shock twist, nobody, male or female, other than the organiser, introduced themselves using pronouns so, not just me then. I feel strangely disappointed because I picked up so many great tips from here! Still I’m sure I’ll get the use them in future.

However, when the clearly male organiser shared his/their screen to the meeting, I could see that another open tab was for a support group for women only with a specific condition, so the plot thickens.

I don’t have anymore meetings with this group until November, but if anything insane happens I shall report back then.

Oh and the self care, this is more or less along the right lines. Yes we really were instructed with these things.

I mean really, everyone knows to have a wee and grab a brew before the meeting and in any breaks don't they?

That’s good OP!

Makes my blood boil! Glad no one else went along with this.

glad it went well

I’ve an ambiguous name eg Sam, that can be confused with either male or female but when people meet me I’m clearly female. My line manager suggested my name was even more confusing for some & did I want to feminise my name
I'm sure Hillary Benn would love to be told to change his name

It was fine, in a shock twist, nobody, male or female, other than the organiser, introduced themselves using pronouns grin so, not just me then.

Because nobody else really cares and they just want the meeting over and done.

Glad to hear sense prevailed!

Sounds like you have a sensible bunch

Poor organiser though...probably did all his SW "homework" ready and no one gave a shit

Phew! And this is what 90% of the population really thinks when not pressured.

Can't wait to see what happened

OP there is evidence that in some team cultures people do actually need to be told it's OK to have a drink etc. This was before Covid WFH!

Say they're "me/me/me" with a tinkly laugh.

Not surprised that no-one joined in his stupid game. He should be embarrassed for being so idiotic. He's probably online now demanding women use non gendered language in the support groups. Tiresome people.

Really! is this a thing. I've read this thread agog and just Googled the topic, my conclusion as some one who works from home is that in my last employment my gender pronoun was probably C**T Twenty years ago upon employing a transgender member of staff we simply asked them how they would like to be referred, didn't feel the need to ask the entire workforce.

Just do it? I honestly don't see the problem.

@vivariumvivariumsvivaria

Message the organiser and say you are not ready to discuss your pronouns publicly and how do they intend to prevent you from being outed in this way?

This is genius.

"I'd really prefer not to be defined by any of the current gender stereotypes. I'm actually attempting to go pronoun free at the moment, so I've brought along a set of laminated cards depicting the symbol I'd like to be referred to as, and I'm hoping people could just hold that up at the appropriate points in place of a pronoun. Would you like me to distribute them now, or once the meeting starts?"

I could see that another open tab was for a support group for women only with a specific condition

probably researching for his wife/sister/friend etc.

Bit odd to leave it open though

Glad that no one else joined in with the batshittery either, sanity prevails for now!

I have seen that there has been a push recently for everyone, not just trans people, to declare their pronouns. This is not actually for any actual helpful reason (I mean how did we all manage before we had been specifically told what each other's pronouns are?!) but to stop trans people feeling singled out, because it 'outs' them as trans if they are the only one declaring their pronouns. Or something. I have seen a lot of 'oh thank you for telling me this, I shall immediately put my pronouns in my bio' and a couple of quite well known Instagrammers have started doing it as well.

Also, the word 'pronoun' has just become so annoying now!

Excellent result, OP!
Common sense: 1,
Woke bollocks: nil.

Let’s hope the organiser reads the room and drops this crap in future.

@Winterterrace

“I’d like to be referred to as he and him and I expect my next pay slip to reflect that.”

Fucking perfect.

@Babdoc

Excellent result, OP! Common sense: 1, Woke bollocks: nil. Let’s hope the organiser reads the room and drops this crap in future.

Heheheeeeee