I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

[WhatTheFuckHappenedHere]

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

I'm tempted to contact my "workplace" administrator with that one FairFridaythe13th

Totally agree WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

I've read one or two articles/interviews with individuals who use they/them, it becomes a real struggle, and very confusing as one naturally defaults to understanding it as a plural in much of the text.

"After finishing school they went on to RADA" easy enough, and neutral, but then you come to "they joined a group called The Specials and they toured the UK with great success" suddenly "they" is referring to the group until you add "as a backing singer"...

(I used to quite like the Specials and enjoyed a live show, I have no idea if they have special pronouns these days.)

Glad it went well.

Glad it went well. I must admit I would be tempted to say something like "My pronouns are he/her. hard stare "Please note I will regard anyone using she/his as committing actual violence".

In real life I use the pronouns requested but have been known to get it wrong. I'm only human. It is not easy to remember it even use the right pronouns at all especially if you're using multiple languages so it should always be clear that you won't be chastised for getting them wrong.

*remember or

So the new form is asking for people to state their pronouns. Is the meeting organiser clear why you're asking for this info and what it'll be used for?

I have seen that there has been a push recently for everyone, not just trans people, to declare their pronouns. This is not actually for any actual helpful reason (I mean how did we all manage before we had been specifically told what each other's pronouns are?!) but to stop trans people feeling singled out, because it 'outs' them as trans if they are the only one declaring their pronouns. Or something.
Does it not occur to these people that if you need to declare your pronouns in order for people to get it 'right', you're already out as trans....

My favourite retort is 'My pronouns are Me, My, Mine.' But I've not had the courage to use that in any pc circles!

In person, I’d ignore firstly, but say, in a cheerful tone, if pressed, “Pronouns? Oh, I’m happy however you refer to me. If in doubt use [my name], I guess?” With an inflection to suggest, well, duh, have you no common sense?

Mandated or strongly suggested email signature or other written declaration: nope, and would be happy to explain to HR exactly why not.

@Waiohwai

I have seen that there has been a push recently for everyone, not just trans people, to declare their pronouns. This is not actually for any actual helpful reason (I mean how did we all manage before we had been specifically told what each other's pronouns are?!) but to stop trans people feeling singled out, because it 'outs' them as trans if they are the only one declaring their pronouns. Or something. Does it not occur to these people that if you need to declare your pronouns in order for people to get it 'right', you're already out as trans....

Yes, this “If everyone does it it’s normal” argument really fucks me off. It’s actually not normal to dictate how other people refer to you, regardless of the reason.

I've read one or two articles/interviews with individuals who use they/them, it becomes a real struggle, and very confusing as one naturally defaults to understanding it as a plural in much of the text.
Pronouns are sometimes confusing. I had to ask a colleague which "him" he was referring to, because it wasn't clear.

The only purpose of pronouns is to aid communication, by avoiding repetition of a noun when it's clear and unambiguous what the pronoun is substituting for. As soon as they cease to assist communication, eg by being ambiguous in any way to the hearer then they need to be avoided.

If pushed to state your preferred pronoun, ask - what's a pronoun? If further pushed say you're a meat eating vegan

Reading your post about adding a column for pronouns just made me think for a moment about titles, which is very run of the mill on forms

Or is that the whole point - if I put myself as Mrs/Miss/Ms I would assume that everyone will know which pronouns to use in my absence. Similarly Mr. I suppose if your organisation is full of Drs that may be more of a challenge.

Anyway, if the form has a column for title, there should be no need for a pronouns one?

I realise the meeting passed without issue, but I wonder if it would be acceptable, when asked to state your pronouns, simply to reply that you're not transgender. Anyone pushing for pronouns at that point will look nuts as it's fairly obvious what sex the vast majority of people are, especially once they've spoken.
As for normalising it, well, it isn't normal to be transgender, is it? There's something really patronising and coddling about us all pretending that we're paranoid about what pronouns others will use to describe us when the vast majority get through life without it being an issue.

Thank you for all your support yesterday, and for the laughs. The meeting went without issue, all I need to do now is make sure I don’t accidentally use the wrong (but biologically correct!) pronouns at any time in the next year I’m happy as a courtesy to use the requested pronouns, if using the person’s name is not applicable, but I can’t pretend it comes naturally! And I will never, ever, be stating mine.

Good point, Collida.

@StealthPolarBear

So the new form is asking for people to state their pronouns. Is the meeting organiser clear why you're asking for this info and what it'll be used for?

Correct, and no, of course not

We have diversity training coming up and I’m pretty sure they’re all going to suggest we do this too. We already have a form to fill in that starts off by asking what your gender is rather than your sex. I’m taking notes here!

I'm a bit vague about the Data Protection Act, but don't you have to be very careful about the data you collect from people - justify every single bit you ask for, think carefully about how long you retain it and who has access to it, get people to give explicit permission for you to use/retain the data? I wonder how pronouns fit in to all of that.

Yes that was my point too. You have to have justification for processing each data item, particularly when it's sensitive

Diversity? Great.

Just keep asking how they ensure they give people with disabilities a fair crack. Will they make sure that screens are available for the visually impaired? That loos are wheelchair accessible? Has proper training been carried out to ensure that in the event of an evacuation, those with mobility issues aren’t left to burn? Is the canteen allergy friendly and who are the first aides (can they administer an epipen? Can anyone use BSL? How can they make sure that all workers and visitors are considered?

Then there’s the whole thorny issue of religion on the workplace - prayers, religious days off, interactions with other religions/sexual etc... but I suspect the whole think will be a lot one issue and one issue of.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g I’m pretty well informed about the GDPR for my job, and yes - you need a really good reason to keep this kind of personal data on people (anything related to sex, gender identity and sexuality would fall under ‘special category data’) and it has to be a reason that benefits THEM, the respondent, in some way, not whoever is collecting the data.

As @StealthPolarBear has highlighted, they need to be clear what this data will be used for, how it will be stored and who will have access to it, particularly as it will be attached to names and other personal information meaning people will be identifiable. You don’t need to comply