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I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!
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WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:35

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 29/10/2020 11:37

Message the organiser and say you are not ready to discuss your pronouns publicly and how do they intend to prevent you from being outed in this way?

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ArabellaScott · 29/10/2020 11:37

I'd just ignore it. They'll look like idiots if they try and force the issue.

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ChaToilLeam · 29/10/2020 11:37

I’d just skip the pronoun bit and move on. I bet others feel like you too. Will the organiser have the nerve to press this during the meeting?

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Goannaforanna · 29/10/2020 11:39

I have sworn that if I am ever asked to do this I will say that my pronouns are he/him- I am not going to emphasise my femaleness to my own disadvantage and it makes as much sense as any other option.. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

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AfterSchoolWorry · 29/10/2020 11:39

I'd totally ignore it.

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joanwinifred · 29/10/2020 11:40

Just give your name and don't bother with the pronouns. If they press tell them you don't think it's appropriate and you don't feel comfortable with these kinds of questions.
If they want to truly be inclusive of everyone, that will include those who know women's pronouns are sex based like their oppression.

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TheElementsOfMedical · 29/10/2020 11:40

Just introduce yourself, your work area, and then stop there with a politely firm expression on your face?

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SonEtLumiere · 29/10/2020 11:41

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 11:41

Don’t do it. Just comepletey ignore that part of the instruction. They’d have to be completely lacking in self awareness to interrupt you on a live meeting to insist you do it. If they do, however, you ask them if they wish to postpone the meeting and discuss this privately.

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CoolYourBeansMySon · 29/10/2020 11:41

It's an agenda item? FFS. Good luck OP and on working with them.

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FluffMagnet · 29/10/2020 11:41

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

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Smallsteps88 · 29/10/2020 11:42

Actually ignore me and do what @vivariumvivariumsvivaria and @SonEtLumiere suggest.

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CoolYourBeansMySon · 29/10/2020 11:43

@FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

Ooh, that's a good answer!
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kingsleyhimself · 29/10/2020 11:43

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done.
If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking.
If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.

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WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:43

@Goannaforanna

I have sworn that if I am ever asked to do this I will say that my pronouns are he/him- I am not going to emphasise my femaleness to my own disadvantage and it makes as much sense as any other option.. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I wish I was this brave!
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Aesopfable · 29/10/2020 11:45

‘My pronouns aren’t ‘Aesop’ and ‘you’, how you refer to me in my absence is up to you’

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WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:45

@ChaToilLeam

I’d just skip the pronoun bit and move on. I bet others feel like you too. Will the organiser have the nerve to press this during the meeting?

I think this will be my plan! I really hope the organiser will not be brave enough to push this.
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WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:46

@kingsleyhimself

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done.
If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking.
If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.

Grin Traumatising indeed
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Namechangeme87 · 29/10/2020 11:48

Just skip that part as others have said I doubt they will pull you up

That’s what I’d do as otherwise I’d find it hard not to answer sarcastically

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WhatTheFuckHappenedHere · 29/10/2020 11:48

The instructions also have some dictats relating to 'self care' during Zoom meetings, although hilarious, I dare not post these in case I'm horrendously outed

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justanotherneighinparadise · 29/10/2020 11:48

@FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

LOVE that.
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vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 29/10/2020 11:48

Good luck.

I'd keep it in reserve though, if they force you to join in then you can argue that it is transphobic. You are entitled to privacy over your gender identity.

The fact that you may not consider gender to be a "thing" is not relevant. You can argue that it is private, whatever "it" is.

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Sexnotgender · 29/10/2020 11:48

Name
Work department
And you don’t believe in compelled speech however if anyone wishes to discuss you outside of your presence then sex based pronouns are fine.

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CloudPop · 29/10/2020 11:49

@FluffMagnet

Can you say politely that you have no affinity to any gender stereotypes, however you believe most people will refer to you by pronouns relating to your sex?

That nails it, in my view.
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ArabellaScott · 29/10/2020 11:49

Say that this request goes against Yogyakarta Principle 6:

'STATES SHALL:
G. Ensure that requirements for individuals to provide information on their sex or gender are relevant, reasonable and necessary as required by the law for a legitimate purpose in the circumstances where it is sought, and that such requirements respect all persons’ right to self-determination of gender;'

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