I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

[WhatTheFuckHappenedHere]

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

It is clearly a biggie for the organiser. I'd just introduce myself in the usual way and finish with a quick 'she, her, hers' thrown in at the end. Job done.

@kingsleyhimself

Just don't give your pronouns. Finish your intriduction, "nice to meet you all", then mute mic to show you've done. If they press it, say you would prefer not to at the moment thank you for asking. If you were brave you could follow up with an email explaining that you are currently considering your gender identity very thoughtfully and that having to declare your pronouns publicly like this is for you, literal violence, traumatising at this time and therefore transphobic.

I'd do this then add that if they carried on, I'd report them for bullying, harassment and intimidation.

I think in Norway, they're deciding whether misgendering is a crime with a sentence of up to 3 years, I'd be fucked, I can't even remember people's names most of the time, including the ones in my own family, I say about 5 before I get the right one. My poor brain couldn't remember or compute someone's pronouns if they're not the ones we've been using my whole life so far. Is it misgendering if I just use they/them for everyone?

I can see this coming to my workplace at some point as we are Stonewall luvvies or whatever the correct term is. I think the TW’s point in the posted tweet above is excellent. If you asked everyone to disclose their sexuality, religion, ethnicity or disability at the start of meetings, you would be hauled over the coals by HR. E&D data is sensitive data and subject to stringent controls in my company. As gender reassignment is also protected under EA2010, how is this even remotely OK?

It’s clearly a big issue for your colleague who wants to be referred to as they / then. Totally fine, but to then engage a discussion on what everyone else wants to be is quite odd & masochistic. I’m guessing that’s not what they were going for!

We’re also being encouraged to do it at work, I work for a charity who embrace woke ideas every now & again. We’re expected to add pronouns at the end of emails, under my signature. I don’t. I’ve an ambiguous name eg Sam, that can be confused with either male or female but when people meet me I’m clearly female. My line manager suggested my name was even more confusing for some & did I want to feminise my name. Ummm no!

"I'm pronoun free"

And let them un befuddle that.

Feminise your name?
I’m more shocked by that than by the whole pronoun thing tbh.

It's stupid and no more appropriate than being expected to give your age, sexual orientation, ethnicity, or any other information irrelevant to work. They are making up rules and they should be ignored.

@littlefireseverywhere given that I'm sure there's research to show that responses to female sign offs can be much worse to male sign offs, that's sex discrimination!

In fact I know someone recently who was looking for some hard research on that to challenge her organisation.

She's got a phd so Dr. A.Nyname can be gender neutral until you slap a pronoun in.

dm use to say "she was the cat's grandmother" Its polite to refer to people by their name ...

Aw ffs.
What an absolute load of shit.

If you want a low-key way to get out of this, maybe pretend to have semi-misunderstood the directions by saying "My title is 'Ms.'" at the end.

I don’t really see the need.

Trans people who pass will be referred to as the sex they are assumed to be, which I imagine is what they’re happy with. Trans people who do not should be able to say “I’d like to be referred to as her/him” without expecting anyone else to follow suit. NB people should be able to say “btw if you could refer to me as they/them”. I don’t see why someone obviously female saying “I’m she/her” helps. As has been said if someone introduces them self as gay, or an MS sufferer, or vegan or a Scientologist or in recovery it’s not massively supportive for everyone else to say “I’m hetero, able bodied, omnivore, Muslim or teetotal.” It’s like a token gesture rather than simply accepting people.

I'm pronoun free

🤣🤣

Placemarking to see what happened

Waiting with bated breath OP!

Hoping you've not been whisked away to the gulag for 're education, OP.

What if you don’t know what pronoun means? I would hazard that not everyone does.

'I’ve an ambiguous name eg Sam, that can be confused with either male or female but when people meet me I’m clearly female. My line manager suggested my name was even more confusing for some & did I want to feminise my name.'

FUCK THIS. Seriously. What utter, utter shit kind of thinking leads to these conclusions? Are we to 'feminise' our clothing hair and speech to appease these absolute no-marks?

@Winterterrace

“I’d like to be referred to as he and him and I expect my next pay slip to reflect that.”

This is hilarious and probably the sort of thing I would say. @MarieIVanArkleStinks's perspective is probably the right one, though.

I hope OP comes back to tell us how it went.

@ArabellaScott

Say that this request goes against Yogyakarta Principle 6:

'STATES SHALL:
G. Ensure that requirements for individuals to provide information on their sex or gender are relevant, reasonable and necessary as required by the law for a legitimate purpose in the circumstances where it is sought, and that such requirements respect all persons’ right to self-determination of gender;'

I'm nabbing this for the next time I'm asked.

Tell them you identify as a chair and they are to refer to you as 'it'.

Of course it's highly insensitive and outing to anyone actually considering their gender.

The point is though that it's almost always either thoughtless showing off by a workplace who know perfectly well they have no one at all who actually wants or needs to share pronouns but it's the In Thing, or there's someone with interesting pronouns who wants to see everyone else do this while assuming all of them to be nicely in the 'c**' box. No one's thought for a moment that anyone undeclared in the group might be affected.

I would love to respond that personally I believe it's the height of rudeness and disrespect to try to control other people's language and perceptions for my benefit. But I'd go with ignoring, and if pushed, to comment that I am not ready to talk about my pronouns publicly, please use whatever you feel appropriate, and then talk to HR about outing people in public.

I'm v curious as to what the 'self care' instructions for the meeting were?

I mean really, everyone knows to have a wee and grab a brew before the meeting and in any breaks don't they?

Or does self care mean something else