I am being asked to go into a meeting and introduce my pronouns to everyone in an hour and a half!

[WhatTheFuckHappenedHere]

I am part of a work group tasked with running a big event that will take almost a year to plan. The first meeting is in an hour and a half over Zoom. The organiser, who I've never met, and goes by they/them pronouns according to the email signature, sent round an email reminder this morning with the meeting link, and including an agenda. The first thing on it is to introduce ourselves, our work area, an our gender pronouns. I don't really want to do this, but I need to work with this person and the group as a whole for the best part of a year! I'm feeling like I'll just have to go along with it lest I get accused of enacting literal and actual violence. Any advice?

It's so pathetic when people have their own obvious agenda to draw massive attention to themselves whilst pretending that they care about everybody. All this person needs to do is to introduce themselves and say "Just to let you know, my preferred pronouns are 'they/them'" and leave it at that.

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll I think that’s what has annoyed me the most about it!

Captain Knobhead 😂😂😂

Another thought is you cold come up with something utterly ludicrous.. "my name is whatthefuck, my job responsibility is running the world and I identify as a panda so please refer to me as such for example "panda was right"

What about

I’m gender-free but happy for people to use sex-based pronouns

This is my hill to die on. It actually is traumatising to me, and it irks me no end that my sense of comfort and the prioritising of a non-threatening environment of inclusivity should constantly be ridden roughshod over whilst someone else's (some metaphorical person who likely isn't even present) takes precedence.

I've fought this kind of gender nonsense, not being promoted as quickly as men, etc, for the entirety of my working life. I've been subject to protracted sexual harrassment in that same workplace - a complaint they upheld - a situation that ended with my becoming seriously unwell and diagnosed with cPTSD because of former sexual abuse, plus stalking and rape. Because men for whatever reason (entitlement and a sense of rights) just simply cannot leave women alone.

I do not want to draw attention to my pronouns, or shine a spotlight on my gender or my sex-based oppression. I don't even want to 'weaponise my trauma', to coin a disgusting phrase, although if backed into a corner I will do precisely that, and will not be told how I can and cannot talk about issues which affect me. I want to be left alone.

If anyone chose to pressurise me or tried making me feel uncomfortable in such a situation I'd firmly request that they stop and escalate it immediately to HR. And it's coming. I work in that kind of organisation.

This shit is just not on, and it makes me blaze that people are being put under this kind of pressure or else implicitly risk being labelled a bigot. It's outrageous. It's also tedious. Really, who has the fucking time for fighting battles like this?

But surely if there’s someone in the meeting with pronouns other than you might expect, it’s less likely other meeting participants will remember them if you have to go round everyone else’s first which will just make people tune out or get confused.

That's a very good point, actually. For some reason, I'm reminded of an old satire/comedy sketch - can't remember the show, but it was a Chris Morris/Steve Coogan-type one - where a manager wanted to draw attention to the the fact that, one year, they had had a fatal accident in the facility. However, instead of saying that somebody had died in 1983, he insisted on saying "1975: no-one died; 1976: no-one died; 1977: no-one died; 1978: no-one died....... 1983: someone died". And that was intentionally written in a tediously annoying way for comic effect.

Just highlight to me the relevant part and ignore the other 99% of unremarkable details that are exactly as I'd expect.

We have a meeting coming up at work where we're expected to do this. It's been suggested by a newly identifying trans woman at work and has been rather hurriedly been picked up by management who, after months of arguments over toilets, discrimination and acceptable work clothes, are quite eager to keep them onside.
I plan to just ignore it. What people call me in my absence is up to them. According to other colleagues, the trans woman (who I've worked with for several years as a rather unpleasant man) has, on occasion, referred to me in my absence as "that goddamn fucking dyke".
So he or they would be a bit of a step up, frankly.

@CaptainCorellisPangolin at the upcoming meeting you really should reference this.
Hello, I'm Pangolin or some of you may know me by xxx's description as that goddam fucking duke!

El Presidente

"My pronouns are Boutros/Boutros/Ghali"

dyke

"My pronouns are Boutros/Boutros/Ghali'.

Eth eth eth.

The instructions also have some dictats relating to 'self care' during Zoom meetings, although hilarious, I dare not post these in case I'm horrendously outed

According to Twitter, post Jeffrey Toobin self care instructions now include a reminder not to masturbate.

I’d just skip the pronoun bit and move on

This. And if pressed talk about unconscious bias and the negative effects on women when attention is drawn to their SEX.

Or just say you're not comfortable sharing your pronouns, and you're happy for people to use whichever they think appropriate.

I’m gender-free but happy for people to use sex-based pronouns

I like that one.

Honestly, please report back. I actually have a knot in my stomach on your behalf! I’ve tried to rehearse this scenario but even that brings me out in a cold sweat. ‘Please use the pronouns that make YOU feel the most comfortable, I won’t be at all offended by what you feel comfortable with’ said with a ‘kind’ expression on my face. And if impressed upon I’ll say ‘no honestly, please don’t worry, I have no preference in that department at all’.

But obviously I’d try and get away with skipping it altogether

If I had to do this, I would insist on being called 'it' and threaten a tribunal every time someone called me anything else.

Honestly for goodness sake, the world is going mad. By all means make people aware if you wish to be called something other than she/her if you're a female ffs but in the vast, vast majority of cases, if you're born male/female you remain male/female and are happy to be referred to as such.

I was born a woman. I clearly look like a woman. Sound like a woman. The massive tits are kind of a giveaway.

I do not want to have to clarify that. Ever.

Good luck. And yes let us know how it goes.

Put down you arms/and/worship Bob Marley

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll

El Presidente

"My pronouns are Boutros/Boutros/Ghali"

Put down your weapons and listen to Bob Marley 😂

I suspect if you (OP) says “my name is blah, my job role is blah, thank you (mute)” you’ll find a few others do the same.

I’ve never been in this position but when training course ask for an intro I’m not comfortable with I just skip that bit and then usually a few other do as well. Once one does it others feel more comfortable.

Hope it's going well! This would be my worst nightmare...

Aw, Mindtheminatour beat me to it!

My personal fav tongue in cheek response (though I’ve never had the opportunity, or the balls to be quite frank) is:

“I identify as Michael Jackson. My pronouns are He/Hee”

😜

^ to El Presidente

In addition I would say this could be uncomfortable for others in the meeting who do not wish to disclose pronouns.

It never occurred to me to care how people refer to me when I am not there.

@CaveMum

My personal fav tongue in cheek response (though I’ve never had the opportunity, or the balls to be quite frank) is:

“I identify as Michael Jackson. My pronouns are He/Hee”

😜

I liked Ricky gervais, in his twitter intro - something like 'my pronouns are he he he ... because I'm a comedian'