More places asking me to state my prounouns. WWYD?

[GennyCrabby]

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns. I have an obviously female name and woman figure and if somebody accidentally "misgendered" me I'd be happy to correct them no hard feelings.

I'm finding in this strange year that more and more places online are asking for prounouns. Anybody else experiencing this? So far it's been a request, and I've been able to just ignore it.

The requests at the beginning of zoom calls are getting more emphatic and less like a choice . I'm working with different people so it could be that, but my sense is more and more that I'm being one of the fewer and fewer in the call(s) who don't change my name to include my pronouns I stand out more and more as GC. For somebody who is deliberately not "out" it's getting very uncomfortable.

I requested to joined a Facebook group last night. This morning I woke up to an "introduce yourself!" post that instructed (not requested) us to declare our pronouns. I've ignored that bit, but the way it was phrased it's obvious I have ignored it and i wonder if I'm going to be prompted again. If pushed I think I'll go the "my prounouns are sex based" or "oh yeah sure I'm female " route or drop the admin a PM saying I am uncomfortable stating my pronouns and hope they leave it as that.

The second is more delicate, because it's a session for my hobby that I want to go to that is being run by a trans man. I'm very happy to use their preferred pronouns and don't wish in the slightest to do or say anything against them - I am after all despite what many would claim, not transphobic, I wish him peace and he's a big deal in this field, I'd love to learn from him. Equally, I feel strongly enough about my own rights and views that I just don't want to state my pronouns. Help! How on earth would you handle this delicately and with grace?

Tell them they're doing you literal violence by asking you to out yourself, and threaten legal action because you're so triggered.

Rupaul doesn’t have preferred pronouns and no one cares
Just say you don’t have a preference
The whole thing is so ridiculous. No one has asked me yet but it won’t go well.

Well obviously I won't be doing that. This individual doesn't post that crap. I want a peaceful mutually respectful engagement, not a fight.

@Queenoftheashes that's not a bad strategy, thanks!

Pronouns shouldn’t be compulsory. If people wish to state them at every opportunity that’s up to them.

I know it’s not comfortable going against the flow but I would just state “I am not comfortable stating my pronouns, please refer to me how you see fit.”
Because fundamentally, how the other react to that polite request tells you all you need to know about the group.
I do believe if we, individually, don’t go along with this crap then we cause some resistance in real life. So many women have been incredibly brave and publicly stood up to this crap, they need our backing even in small ways.
Nothing changes if we don’t do anything.

Quoting from TyroSaysMeow on
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3985745-Asked-to-put-preferred-pronouns-on-email-signature?msgid=98903985#98903985

‘There's a thread just been bumped on FWR about the Yogyakarta Principles - international best practice for accommodating trans people apparently.

"Ensure the right of all persons ordinarily to choose when, to whom, and how to disclose information pertaining to their sexual orientation or gender identity, and protect all persons from arbitrary or unwanted disclosure, or threat of disclosure of such information from others."

Telling you to put your pronouns in your email signature is contrary to the Yogyakarta Principles.‘

Oh I'm dreading this.
My pronouns are the general female ones, but being asked what i would prefer would be difficult for me because I dont care but would love to be able to identify out of being female
I find it quite stressful tbh - same with being asked about sexuality, religion, disability. I tick "prefer not to say" whenever it's an option

How about a lighthearted “call me whatever you want... just call me ”

I was at a conference about supporting LGBTQI+ young people and were asked to introduce ourselves and give our pronouns.

I just said my name and that I didn’t have preferred pronouns. A couple of people were surprised but no-one can force you to say something about yourself that isn’t true.

I haven't come across this yet apart from me thank fuck.

Just refuse. It’s not relevant. It’s nobody’s business unless you are one of the special ones.

@SatanicDesk

How about a lighthearted “call me whatever you want... just call me ”

Or

"Call me what you like just don't call me late for my dinner!"

One of my Dads favourites.

I just say I don't care because I don't. No one has misgendered me yet so I assume it shouldn't be too difficult to figure out.

My pronouns are ‘terf, terfx’

So not only do you need to sit and listen through ‘my name is X, I go by Xu/Xe’, remember all the variations and remember to use the right one for the right person whilst also remembering that ‘MaryJane is a He - so are they gay, trans, whatever - mustn’t say anything to offend MaryJane...’

Or I don’t have ‘preferred’ pronouns, I just use and expect the people around me to use the pronouns based on my biological sex which is female

Out-woke them. Privately contact the organiser and point out that forcing people to disclose their pronouns may forcibly “Out” someone against their will; or make them uncomfortable lying to colleagues and friends if they’re not ready to come out yet.

Either that or a firm “I do not feel comfortable disclosing my pronouns”.

Or ask them to explain what this is and why. Again and again - imagine explaining how the toaster works to your dog. Practice the head tilt confused expression and ‘urrrrghhhhh?’ Noise.

I haven't had to yet but:

I don't have a gender identity.
Or
I am not comfortable sharing my gender identity.
Or
I have no preferred pronouns.

Is what I'm planning to do.

Yeah, I was going to say that you should say you're not bothered/don't mind/don't have a preference.

I think it undermines the entire concept without being adversarial.

I haven’t in person but have on forms. If I’m being kind I ask for the relevance to the form/ questionnaire. No one has ever actually got back to me on that - especially the one sent by a business set up for women asking about how women were managing with lockdown - ie childcare, home tutoring, looking after elders/shielding, managing relationships and homeworking, housework, plus job security, pay cuts, etc.

I even emailed the MD To ask why they didn’t ask my sex but suggested a long list of ‘gender identity’ instead but she didn’t reply...

And if they press you for your gender identity, play dumb:

'Gender identity? What's that?'

'Oh, I don't know what mine is. How can you tell?'

'I don't know if I do always feel like a woman - some days I think I feel like a man! What does "feeling like a woman" feel like?'

'Well sometimes I do like watching the rugby and having a beer. What does that mean? Should I consider myself non binary?'

'To be honest, I still don't have a preference about my pronouns. Call me what you want.'

Just act confused and like you hadn't given the matter any thought whatsoever.

Ask people to vote? Or demand everyone just uses the same one.

I guess your pronouns are the ones you use to refer to yourself.
So 'I', 'me', 'mine', 'myself'?