More places asking me to state my prounouns. WWYD?

[GennyCrabby]

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns. I have an obviously female name and woman figure and if somebody accidentally "misgendered" me I'd be happy to correct them no hard feelings.

I'm finding in this strange year that more and more places online are asking for prounouns. Anybody else experiencing this? So far it's been a request, and I've been able to just ignore it.

The requests at the beginning of zoom calls are getting more emphatic and less like a choice . I'm working with different people so it could be that, but my sense is more and more that I'm being one of the fewer and fewer in the call(s) who don't change my name to include my pronouns I stand out more and more as GC. For somebody who is deliberately not "out" it's getting very uncomfortable.

I requested to joined a Facebook group last night. This morning I woke up to an "introduce yourself!" post that instructed (not requested) us to declare our pronouns. I've ignored that bit, but the way it was phrased it's obvious I have ignored it and i wonder if I'm going to be prompted again. If pushed I think I'll go the "my prounouns are sex based" or "oh yeah sure I'm female " route or drop the admin a PM saying I am uncomfortable stating my pronouns and hope they leave it as that.

The second is more delicate, because it's a session for my hobby that I want to go to that is being run by a trans man. I'm very happy to use their preferred pronouns and don't wish in the slightest to do or say anything against them - I am after all despite what many would claim, not transphobic, I wish him peace and he's a big deal in this field, I'd love to learn from him. Equally, I feel strongly enough about my own rights and views that I just don't want to state my pronouns. Help! How on earth would you handle this delicately and with grace?

Sorry not sure what you mean. I haven't come across this problem. But I don't do Zoom. Yet. Do you mean you don't want to say if you're a man or a woman.

@LemonadeAndDaisyChains

It's not a hate crime to genuinely forget, fit goodness sake. Refusing to because "I'm not playing that game" "I'll call you what I like" attitude maybe more so

This is not a hate crime.

This is not a hate crime

If you say so.

I do say so. And if you want to claim otherwise here then set out the legislation that identifies either of those two statements you have quoted as hate crime or we might just think you are deliberately scaremongering.

My pronoun is Your Majesty .

I get misgendered all the time in professional correspondence. My first name is rare and Somewhat resembles a male more popular name, plus I am working in a male dominated field.
I could not care less. I never bring it up. Sometimes, if things progress to calls or meetings, things clarify themselves, sometimes not. Who cares? I don‘t intend to have sexual relations with any of them, so it is really irrelevant how they ‚gender‘ me.
I won‘t deliberately ‚misgender‘ anyone, but the whole idea that ‚misgendering‘ anyone is some grave offense is ridiculous.

As a teen I was missexed on a few occasions - the crew cut, men’s jeans and DMs could have been the cause. Possibly not misgendered as my outer appearance may have been seen to be ‘masculine’ to anyone over the age of 40, but to younger people, I was Annie Bloody Lennox, obviously.

I lived.

If you're happy to use trans people's preferred pronouns but not declare your own, you could say just that, that you don't have any preferred pronouns for yourself but you are happy to refer to anyone with whatever pronouns they choose. This is my plan if I my work goes down this route and I think it's entirely reasonable.

As a teen I was missexed on a few occasions - the crew cut, men’s jeans and DMs could have been the cause. Possibly not misgendered as my outer appearance may have been seen to be ‘masculine’ to anyone over the age of 40, but to younger people, I was Annie Bloody Lennox, obviously.I lived.

Meh - presumably because you're biologically a woman, I am too?
I was walking to the train station last year, some lass with her mate passing by me said "you look like a man"
No idea what that was about, maybe the no make up and my raincoat up around my ears lol, however how that makes me a man is anyone's guess
I'm in my 40s.

Forgot to add I still lived too - can see why it is harder for trans people if that;s the kind of bollocks biological women get just walking about.

The only place I have ever been mistaken for a man is on the internet.

I have never understood why random men think it is acceptable to inform random women of their opinion. I have seen it thousands of times so I know it is a social custom similar to being told to smile but I confess I find it intrusive.

@LemonadeAndDaisyChains

It's not a hate crime to genuinely forget, fit goodness sake. Refusing to because "I'm not playing that game" "I'll call you what I like" attitude maybe more so

For this to be a hate crime, there needs to be a crime committed that police rule is motivated by hate. What crime is being committed?

What crime is being committed?

Heresies, obviously.

I think apostasy is a more fitting definition.

First - ignore
Second - ignore, + confusion
Third - “oh, okay, if anyone is unsure what to use if they are discussing me, maybe they could ask me privately?”
Fourth - if anyone does ask you (which would be incredibly rude) give a straight faced “I am a woman”.

I am also wondering why we need this ?
Can’t you put Ms or whatever? If your title is arbitrary you’d just be referred to as them?
We have titles we choose, why do we need to start “owning” our pronouns which people only use if they’re the type of prick to refer to themselves in third person?? Like disco stu.

It’s the new thing. Companies are being advised to be ‘inclusive’ - which doesn’t seem to mean in such a case that they include subtitles for video calls for those hard of hearing, or ask people to please announce their name before speaking for the the benefit of the visually impaired.

Funny that.

Maybe next time someone starts on about pronouns at the beginning of a meeting to be inclusive say

“Oh brilliant! Can I add in some other things about being inclusive? I note we have no video subtitles for people with hearing loss which seems rather discriminatory plus ground rules don’t seem to include announcing our names before speaking for people with sight loss. This seems disappintingly exclusionary to me”

They’re not going to have any come back then if you say you believe pronouns are exclusionary for those who may not wish to out themselves yet

I can start to see how the war is being lost, with the succession of earnest posts taking my comment about hate crime as serious ... it was a joke (ffs). If people start taking this botty water seriously then the lunatics will be running the asylum. And given they are also running the country, I'm worried they may not be able to cope.

At every turn nonsense like this needs to be treated as nonsense. Either explicitly - by calling it out as bollocks. Or implicitly by a reductio ad absurbem and taking it more seriously than the Rope-a-wokes themselves.

Remember you only have to engineer a situation where the Wokefinder General accuses you of "not taking it seriously and it's game over. So just do what you can.

I’m too old for this crap. I didn’t haul my arse through a sexist industry to have it all snatched away for younger women.

I would ask (especially if UK based) if we have to state all our other protected characteristics? Because you aren't comfortable stating your religion, sexual orientation, and maternity status the first time you meet someone.

It’s the new thing. Companies are being advised to be ‘inclusive’ ...

... as long as it doesn't cost anything. Heaven forfend they improve their physical access or provide decent disabled toilet facilities. In fact a lot of this trans shit is removing said facilities. Luckily the disabled have been shat on for so long they're used to it. It would have been a different story if men lost their facilities.

Anyway, as you were.

@drspouse

I would ask (especially if UK based) if we have to state all our other protected characteristics? Because you aren't comfortable stating your religion, sexual orientation, and maternity status the first time you meet someone.

Gender isn’t a protected anything. Only by the laws of twitter.

@SerendipityJane

It’s the new thing. Companies are being advised to be ‘inclusive’ ...

... as long as it doesn't cost anything. Heaven forfend they improve their physical access or provide decent disabled toilet facilities. In fact a lot of this trans shit is removing said facilities. Luckily the disabled have been shat on for so long they're used to it. It would have been a different story if men lost their facilities.

Anyway, as you were.

👆 this. I think we have spoken before about this.