More places asking me to state my prounouns. WWYD?

[GennyCrabby]

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns. I have an obviously female name and woman figure and if somebody accidentally "misgendered" me I'd be happy to correct them no hard feelings.

I'm finding in this strange year that more and more places online are asking for prounouns. Anybody else experiencing this? So far it's been a request, and I've been able to just ignore it.

The requests at the beginning of zoom calls are getting more emphatic and less like a choice . I'm working with different people so it could be that, but my sense is more and more that I'm being one of the fewer and fewer in the call(s) who don't change my name to include my pronouns I stand out more and more as GC. For somebody who is deliberately not "out" it's getting very uncomfortable.

I requested to joined a Facebook group last night. This morning I woke up to an "introduce yourself!" post that instructed (not requested) us to declare our pronouns. I've ignored that bit, but the way it was phrased it's obvious I have ignored it and i wonder if I'm going to be prompted again. If pushed I think I'll go the "my prounouns are sex based" or "oh yeah sure I'm female " route or drop the admin a PM saying I am uncomfortable stating my pronouns and hope they leave it as that.

The second is more delicate, because it's a session for my hobby that I want to go to that is being run by a trans man. I'm very happy to use their preferred pronouns and don't wish in the slightest to do or say anything against them - I am after all despite what many would claim, not transphobic, I wish him peace and he's a big deal in this field, I'd love to learn from him. Equally, I feel strongly enough about my own rights and views that I just don't want to state my pronouns. Help! How on earth would you handle this delicately and with grace?

Simple - just say you're not ready to talk about your pronouns. Say it's a deeply private and personal matter and they push you say it's insensitive to press.

‘I don’t know’ might be an interesting strategy. And then when others try to enlighten you ...

Oh so I like flowers - am I female? But I also enjoy golf - that’s more masculine isn’t it? On the other hand I like whisky - but also babycham... some days I just don’t really know what I feel like - it’s as if I have all these preferences and tastes that just don’t all fit into a nice neat box. Oh my, how does everyone else get to be so darn certain?

online you could say that you don't want anyone to treat you differently if they know your sex because you could suffer from sex discrimination whereas at the moment you are protected by them not being aware

Yes, I could say that. However, I don't owe anyone who asks my preferred pronouns any kind of explanation.

The fact I don't want to say should be sufficient for them and if it's not, the onus is on them to do the explaining (and good luck to them!).

I'll be fucked if I'm going to pander to them and make excuses as to why I don't subscribe to their bullshit gender ideology - they're the ones peddling this mad pseudoscience that takes out women as collateral damage so if anyone needs to explain themselves, it's them!

@LonginesPrime

online you could say that you don't want anyone to treat you differently if they know your sex because you could suffer from sex discrimination whereas at the moment you are protected by them not being aware

Yes, I could say that. However, I don't owe anyone who asks my preferred pronouns any kind of explanation.

The fact I don't want to say should be sufficient for them and if it's not, the onus is on them to do the explaining (and good luck to them!).

I'll be fucked if I'm going to pander to them and make excuses as to why I don't subscribe to their bullshit gender ideology - they're the ones peddling this mad pseudoscience that takes out women as collateral damage so if anyone needs to explain themselves, it's them!

yep! Sorry, I've reread your original post and see now that you want something akin to saying "I don't want to" for online - no/thanks fuck/off something like that?

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns.

Maybe I'm think, but those reasons are not obvious to me. Why is it a problem?

Thick

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns

By this I presume you mean you’re GC and don’t want to out yourself

I'm not particularly gender critical but I wouldn't play along with this either simply because it's ridiculous.

no/thanks
fuck/off
something like that?

Works for me!

If you do not intend to talk about me behind my back you do not need to know what pronoun to use.
Pronouns cannot function as correction fluid for those who are dissatisfied with reality.

I don't get the whole "if you don't intend to talk about me behind my back then you don't need to know my pronouns" argument.
I mean, as a biological woman, I might think "eh?" at first on being asked to give them.
Then just give them as it's no skin off my nose so to speak.
You say it's a zoom call? If someone doesn't "pass" sufficiently as a trans man or a trans woman, surely it'll be helpful for them? Also people wanting to address them to their pronouns?
Only a problem if you refuse to acknowledge who they are and tell them what they have to be called instead.

You say it's a zoom call? If someone doesn't "pass" sufficiently as a trans man or a trans woman, surely it'll be helpful for them? Also people wanting to address them to their pronouns?

Why do you need to use pronouns on a Zoom call? The participants are named. If you are speaking direct to me you would call me "Dido"; if you are commenting about me to the meeting you would say "That was an excellent point Dido"

If I really had to state my pronouns (or risk losing my job) I'd just say something really stupid and snowflaky. Or state male pronouns just for the hell of it.

I would prefer not to

Saw pronouns used for the first time on a Zoom call for a religious service the other day. 2 participants out of about 20 had pronouns next to their names on screen.

What was funny was that they were both used to state the opposite of what our eyes told us or grammar dictates. So someone with obviously make-patterned balding and a beer belly wanted apparently to be referred to as she/her, while the other participant, who was obviously female, but one person, wanted to be referred to as she/they.

Use of pronouns seemed totally unnecessary in the context, because no-one refers to anyone else in the service anyway. It's all prayers and no congregants are named or addressed directly, let alone referred to indirectly.

No-one was asking the rest of us to give pronouns, but I would not be thrilled if expected to either, OP.

Hope you find a way of phasing your dislike for the expectation in a way you are comfortable with.

But yes, if forced to state pronouns, the urge to say something random like lamppost/chi and just leave it hanging, would be irresistible.

Sandwich/elephant?

Glockenspiel/xylophone?

Nose/serendipity?

This could be fun.

I think name and surname should be appropriate.

@FifteenToes

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns.

Maybe I'm think, but those reasons are not obvious to me. Why is it a problem?

This might help to explain why pronoun use isn’t good for women.

legalfeminist.org.uk/2020/07/19/pronouns-compulsion-and-controversy/

Why would they even need to know your pronouns? When talking to you, surely they can use ‚you‘ and they shouldn‘t talk about you, anyway. (And if they do they can still use your name). So what do they need to know your pronouns for?

I think if I get asked I‘ll say :‘you can use any pronoun you like for me, it won‘t change material reality.‘

‘Say what you see’

I think definitely start low key. Opening gambit is ignoring, escalate to dumb insolence by failing to get it if necessary, move to sterotype threat if carries on, but save the grand flourish of checkwoke by citing the Yogyakarta principles only if you really, really have to! Good luck.

I’d love to hear explanations - play the 4 year old ‘but why?’ ‘But why?’ ‘But whyyyyyyy?’ All they have is ‘just because’.

Maybe I'm think, but those reasons are not obvious to me. Why is it a problem?

Because I say it is. No other explanation necessary.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

Maybe I'm think, but those reasons are not obvious to me. Why is it a problem?

Because I say it is. No other explanation necessary.

No is a complete sentence.

If there were a 10 commandments of MN, that would be in the top 5.