More places asking me to state my prounouns. WWYD?

[GennyCrabby]

For obvious reasons I don't want to state my pronouns. I have an obviously female name and woman figure and if somebody accidentally "misgendered" me I'd be happy to correct them no hard feelings.

I'm finding in this strange year that more and more places online are asking for prounouns. Anybody else experiencing this? So far it's been a request, and I've been able to just ignore it.

The requests at the beginning of zoom calls are getting more emphatic and less like a choice . I'm working with different people so it could be that, but my sense is more and more that I'm being one of the fewer and fewer in the call(s) who don't change my name to include my pronouns I stand out more and more as GC. For somebody who is deliberately not "out" it's getting very uncomfortable.

I requested to joined a Facebook group last night. This morning I woke up to an "introduce yourself!" post that instructed (not requested) us to declare our pronouns. I've ignored that bit, but the way it was phrased it's obvious I have ignored it and i wonder if I'm going to be prompted again. If pushed I think I'll go the "my prounouns are sex based" or "oh yeah sure I'm female " route or drop the admin a PM saying I am uncomfortable stating my pronouns and hope they leave it as that.

The second is more delicate, because it's a session for my hobby that I want to go to that is being run by a trans man. I'm very happy to use their preferred pronouns and don't wish in the slightest to do or say anything against them - I am after all despite what many would claim, not transphobic, I wish him peace and he's a big deal in this field, I'd love to learn from him. Equally, I feel strongly enough about my own rights and views that I just don't want to state my pronouns. Help! How on earth would you handle this delicately and with grace?

Gender isn’t a protected anything. Only by the laws of twitter.
I'm aware of this, but playing dumb (are we being asked to state whether we are undergoing gender reassignment? Or are you interested in my sex?) may help them to work out what they actually want, in their own mind, and how far they are prepared to take it.

As has been pointed out before, it's not helpful to someone who has considering gender reassignment but isn't out at work, either.

@Kit19

Maybe next time someone starts on about pronouns at the beginning of a meeting to be inclusive say

“Oh brilliant! Can I add in some other things about being inclusive? I note we have no video subtitles for people with hearing loss which seems rather discriminatory plus ground rules don’t seem to include announcing our names before speaking for people with sight loss. This seems disappintingly exclusionary to me”

They’re not going to have any come back then if you say you believe pronouns are exclusionary for those who may not wish to out themselves yet

Someone's getting it

maybe someone should be signing for hard of hearing participants ? Otherwise it's hardly inclusive.

Obviously by now, people with colour blindness need to be considered. So definitely ask the HR bods for guidance on what colour clothing is appropriate. (Keep the fact you can turn the colour off in software to yourself - it's far too sensible for the Walking Woke).

I have wondered if I should say "make sure you check everyone's role in a meeting, it's all too common to assume women are in admin roles, and ask what would make them comfortable too - don't boast about how much childcare you've done during the pandemic when we all know your wife isn't working."

@drspouse

I have wondered if I should say "make sure you check everyone's role in a meeting, it's all too common to assume women are in admin roles, and ask what would make them comfortable too - don't boast about how much childcare you've done during the pandemic when we all know your wife isn't working."

Keep 'em coming

Thankfully I've not been subject to this yet. As previous posters have said if they cared about inclusion there are many ways they could make workplaces more inclusive that don't involve subjecting women to sexism by making their sex known to those they are emailing etc to. This does not benefit women.

And let's face it we all have enough responsibilities. At work. At home. Our families etc I certainly don't consent to being held responsible for the wellbeing and acceptance of strangers or other people. Do what you need to get by and be happy but don't involve the rest if us in it. Thats something we weren't asked and haven't agreed to.

I'm.a crap liar. Its written all over face and it makes me feel really bad. I cant do it. And I wont.

As previous posters have said if they cared about inclusion

Didn't you know that it's terribly unfair to judge organisations (and people) on what they do in 2020 ? It's so exclusive. The only way to know for sure is to read to what they print. That's where the truth lies. In words, not deeds.

If you're unsure, look at most religions. They've pretty much perfected the essential art of "do as we say, not as we do".

oh don't worry I know. No one does anything anymore unless theres a camera involved

After all I mean a night crew secretly installing equipment in a dark.locked building with no one around to see wont get you likes on face book will it. Much better to make your logo a rainbow so you can elevate your social media status.

So needy...