Line Manager just "come out" as Non-binary

[SpinningTooFastWantToGetOff]

My line-manager emailed everyone in the office last week to say she was non-binary and we should use they/them pro-nouns.
Today I inadvertently called her she in an email to a colleague in another office, but line-manager was copied in, plus her line-manager. Are you keeping up?
My line-manager responded to the email and added at the bottom a reminder about her pro-nouns.
I do not believe in the gender identity ideology and so object to being told to speak in an unnatural and incorrect way, but what I am incandescent about is being called out in front of 2 other colleagues.
Am I over reacting?

This is compelled speech.

I mean, it doesnt cost you anything to respect their request. You can "not believe" whatever you wish, but the mature, respectful thing to do is to make the effort to treat your coworked (manager!!) with decency and sensitivity. That means respecting their pronouns.

Of course if you'd rather be a dick about it, that's your prerogative, but you'll probably end up wrangling with HR. Up to you.

Sorry you have to be dealing with such self obsessed crap.

I'd be so tempted to be passive aggressive and use her name instead of pronouns wherever possible.

Am I right in thinking the two other colleagues were in the email chain to start with, and her reminder was appended to her response? If so, I don't think it was unreasonable for the other colleagues to be included.

I think people's preferred pronouns should be respected - but I think people who change their pronouns should allow for genuine mistakes at first, while others become used to their new identity.

Meh, if it's what matters to them, then that's fair enough. It's not something I believe in either, but I look on it in a similar light to covering hair in certain religious buildings.

What winds me up is people being told to put their own pronouns as a footer. I mean, I'm not going to add, "Praise the Lord!" at the bottom of all my emails, either. Enforced belief is very different to respecting the beliefs of others.

This is why we so need Maya Forstater to win her appeal.

Just find out as gender fluid 🤷‍♀️ Confuse the shit out of everyone.

It's a cult.

Trans... I can kind of understand. Person believes they're in the wrong body. Non-binary makes no sense at all. It's self-indulgent tripe.

Forward it to HR with a short and factual email which points out that being non-binary is not a protected characteristic under the Equality Act and could they advise on how best to deal with this.

Meh, if it's what matters to them, then that's fair enough. It's not something I believe in either, but I look on it in a similar light to covering hair in certain religious buildings.

But the OP is not in another person's religious building is she, she is in her place of work?

All I can suggest is avoiding pronouns altogether and using her name instead.

It will make your emails clunky and awkward but at least you can show that you refuse to be coerced into an ideology you don't support. Your colleagues will know this too. It's still compelled speech in a way but I see it as a compromise.

If she then insists you use pronouns then it's HR/Unions and a court case. You cannot force someone to follow you in your beliefs just because they work for you.

What its costs ReallyLily is freedom of speech and freedom of expression, and the line manager should also be respectful of her colleagues and those she manages as she has a responsibility, using your words, to be a decent and sensitive person to her staff. ^
^
Or she can be a gender ideology tyrant and treat her employees with contempt and explode with rage when someone slips up with her preferred pronouns. What about what the OP prefers?

Why compelled pronouns are a bad idea: https://fairplayforwomen.com/pronouns/

It is irrelevant that the person in this case is female. Pretending that it's OK in this case makes it easier to be OK in the next case, and the next, and the next

I think some people really love attention, and they’ll do anything they can to get it.

If it were me I’d give her this attention by constructing wilfully awkward sentences that avoid her pronouns altogether. See what move ‘they’ make after that.

I look on it in a similar light to covering hair in certain religious buildings.

Except you can choose not to enter such religious buildings altogether, if you really don't want to. This is compulsion at a place of work, which should be secular. No other religious group compels non-believers to engage in rituals that are a part of its faith. (Well there are, but only if you are in a theocratic society and the majority are of a particular religion, which is not the case here anyway.) If you were suddenly told you had to cover your hair at the office every day and if you happened to forget, then you'd be told off for it, I'd imagine your sense of graciousness would evaporate fairly quickly.

Have you got an employees handbook or code of conduct OP?

I would bet money on there not being a single mention of pronouns let alone preferred pronouns.

They/them is plural so you can always argue that is goes against your grammatical purist beliefs and language matters.

Hope it's not too rough at work next week. This sort of thing sucks and can grind you down. Stand tall.

Everyone I know who uses preferred pronouns loves the attention and drama of it all. That's what this is all about.

I too would just use her name and avoid pronouns altogether.

I’d just use her name in place of pronouns. That way you are not being compelled to write in a certain way. It’s ridiculous and invasive.

Asking you to relearn a lifetime of using and speaking English and complaining when you don’t immediately switch.

Complete pointless bollocks. You shouldn’t be compelled to be complicit in this wankery.

Personally I think it is bullying and trying to set up other people for failure.

Not sure how you stand with HR but non -binary is not a protected characteristic.

Just use ‘their’ name and state that you are non- binary too - unless you identify with every corrosive female stereotype out there - most of us are non- binary!

You are being unreasonable.

You do not have to agree or believe in other people's views on gender identity but you do have to behave in a reasonable way in the workplace.

This person has politely asked you to use gender neutral pronouns and politely reminded you.

Leave your politics and the door and put your manners on and behave in a polite way back by respecting this person's feelings.

Everyone I know who uses preferred pronouns loves the attention and drama of it all.

I don't think your anecdotal experience can be taken as a rule that applies to the OP's situation. Phrases beginning 'Everyone I know who ...' aren't usually relevant to the world beyond the narrow experience of the individual.

You can’t get away with demanding your staff call you Sir or Madam these days, and this is the superiority signal that affords her the deference she feels she’s entitled to.

It’s complete nonsense but unfortunately we have play along to this bollocks or risk our jobs.

I don’t think it would really be polite to use she in that context anyway? Using the name is much more professional.

Just use the self obsessed twit’s name every.single.time. Never ever use any pronouns. “So ‘Philips’ wants you to send Philips a copy of that report so that Philips can deal with it. Philips says that Philips wants it by end of day.” Every single communication. She can’t compel you to use nonsense language.

Just call her by her name every time. You can't be criticised for that.

Mrs Jones was in the meeting, Mrs Jones said this, Mrs Jones presented that etc etc.

I'd definitely use her name at all times in place of pronouns.

I refuse to have my speech compelled. She can tell me what name she wants to be called, but she cannot tell me how I must refer to her in the 3rd person.