Line Manager just "come out" as Non-binary

[SpinningTooFastWantToGetOff]

My line-manager emailed everyone in the office last week to say she was non-binary and we should use they/them pro-nouns.
Today I inadvertently called her she in an email to a colleague in another office, but line-manager was copied in, plus her line-manager. Are you keeping up?
My line-manager responded to the email and added at the bottom a reminder about her pro-nouns.
I do not believe in the gender identity ideology and so object to being told to speak in an unnatural and incorrect way, but what I am incandescent about is being called out in front of 2 other colleagues.
Am I over reacting?

OP I'm furious on your behalf just reading this! What an absolute load of self obsessed shite!!
I would also call this person by their name at all times or not speak to them at all if I could get away with it.
How dare anyone feel entitled to make others perform mental gymnastics for a simple conversation or email!! 😡

Maybe you could reply.
"I apologise for the mistake. I would also like to confirm what I would like to be called. I am going through a difficult period and would like to be known as:
He on Mondays
Them on Tuesdays
Mummy Bear on Wednesdays
Ti on Thursdays
and She on Friday morning and ehs on Friday afternoons.
If you wish to contact me over the weekend please note I only answer to Zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
However on dates which are prime numbers please simply address me as Sir.
Thanks."

Hahahahahahaha!! 🤣

Refer to her as ‘it’.

or not speak to them at all if I could get away with it.

This is how I get through the day. She is such a useless manager that she doesn't speak to me.

Email your managers and say you now identify as a banana.

This thread seems to have just made a blink and you'll miss it appearance in Trending. Are popular FWR threads being somehow manually removed?

I wish I was interesting, but I’ll be non-binary instead. It’s easier.

I just got angry on your behalf so I'm going to rant for a minute

I don't have any objection doing preferred pronouns when they are he or she.

However, I find non-binary and "they" massively, unbelievably offensive. It is because it is completely collapsing the idea of sex into gender, elevating whether someone is gender conforming or not to the most important feature of them, and making us constantly think about it by having to talk in an extremely unnatural way.

I simply can't believe that anyone thinks it is acceptable to demand this. It seems grotesquely abusive to me. I had an acquaintance who started demanding "they" and I've just avoided that person, and talking about them, ever since - I can't deal with it.

Personally, I would quit the job, and then write a letter saying what I think. But that probably isn't a realistic solution I know.

This non-binary crap seems to be spreading faster than the bloody Corona Virus.

Could you pretend to think she is joking? If her pronouns are mentioned, laugh merrily and say "Ooh you are a one! You do make me laugh!"

Just absolutely refuse to take it seriously.

I like the refer to her using her name at all times option. Technically not breaking any rules, but makes it obvious that you think the pronouns are nonsense.

I don't see a problem with addressing people how they like to be addressed (within reason). If someone prefers to be called Andy rather than Andrew or katherine rather than Kathy why wouldn't you respect that? I think it's the same with pronouns. There are more important things to argue about, pick your battles.

Christina Smith announces henceforth she wants to be known as Chris - fine.

Christina Smith announces henceforth she wants to be known as Dr Christina Smith - not fine if she doesn't have a Ph.D. or a medical degree.

For me, Christina announcing that henceforth her pronouns are they/them/theirs is like the second case. She wants other people to collude with her to portray her as something she's not, i.e. neither male nor female.

I see they/them as evolution of language. Currently awkward and clunky, but will get less so.

Thinking about it, it's weird to use sex based pronouns in a lot of situations.

"I would like to fuck him" - sex based pronoun is relevant

"I would like to ask him what he thinks about our manager's plans to change the office furniture" - sex isn't relevant. And who knows, maybe a lot of unconscious biases against women could be avoided if a non-sex-specific pronoun was to be used.

I feel much stronger about being compelled to call a man a woman.

OMD the out-woke suggestion is BRILLIANT.

Leave your politics at the door? The person making the demands certainly aren't doing that, are they? What this means is 'be selfless'. Co operate with someone else's control games.

No.

I'm willing to avoid referring to someone in a way they find distressing, ie 'she' or 'he': hence respecting dysphoria. But I won't lie. So it will be Angela mentioned at the last meeting that Angela has concerns that mean Angela will need to check the data again...

Clunky. Irritating, and a mental burden on those who have to jump through hoops every time they construct a sentence, but that's as far as I bend. Politeness in social interaction is a mutual contract based on mutual respect.

Your line manager never did any work anyway. Now what they is doing is searching everywhere for evidence of transgressions by witches and other assorted wrong thinkers, instead of doing their job.

If you wanted to go out with a bang you could cc the whole staff into a reply that simply said:

HOW MANY FINGERS WINSTON?

Control+F may be your new best friend, if you feel unable to just politely decline and carry on using the accurate and perfectly respectful 'she' for a woman.

After writing your emails with 'she' in them, control F will allow you to search and replace 'she' with 'they', however it will leave the clunky singular 'has', 'is' intact.

Which will leave you with something like
"They has asked me to use they/them pronouns, and although I'm struggling to contort my language, they is my line manager, and I fear for any sanctions they is likely to impose on me if I don't comply well enough. They was very clear in an email that they is expecting full compliance from me."

Although policing other people's perfectly natural, respectful and grammatically correct language is unacceptable in my opinion.
Pronouns are Rohypnol, and all that.

As to the comment made by the poster who drew a false equivalence between referring to a woman as 'she' and a man espousing sexist views, I'd say this: There is no implicit disrespect or suggestion of inequality in an observer referencing another person's sex with pronouns. There is no right to compel a person to lie, and I anticipate Maya's appeal to be successful.

Even the debates in the GRA brought forth from the government that citizens would NOT be compelled to pretend a subject's sex was different, and that no sanctions would be imposed upon those who would not play along with a lie.

Judge Tayler massively overreached in his judgement.

but the mature, respectful thing to do is to make the effort to treat your coworked (manager!!) with decency and sensitivity

That works both ways........bearing in mind it is utterly self indulgent to expect people to totally alter their instinctive responses around you.

That means respecting their pronouns

And even if the case in face to face conversation, then one has to be aware, and realise, that people will still talk about you and refer to you in ways that come naturally - when in the presence of, and talking to other people.

I will not be compelled to talk in a certain way about a person who isn’t even there. Third person pronouns are for use when you are talking about someone, rather talking to someone. I will not be compelled to talk about someone using the wrong pronouns - and by that I mean pronouns that don’t work the way the English language has taught me to use them for my entire life - any more that I would follow an edict from Donald Trump insisting we all call him World’s Grestest President every time we discuss him.

If there is a scenario where I would have to talk about someone and they were listening - a cc’d work email is a fairly common and stupid feature of our society as an example - then I would use that person’s name in place of they/them, because it would avoid confusion regarding plural vs singular and it would be a case of me controlling my own language, rather than have my language controlled by the state some idiot.

And if they/them is clunky now and will get better, why don’t we just do away with pronouns all together? I mean they only evolved because language was clunky without them and it became a fundamental requirement to be able to differentiate between the sexes, but maybe we just didn’t give it long enough as a civilisation? Let’s just use names all the time, I’m sure we will get used to it and no one will ever have their precious souls insulted by the literal violence of the wrong pronouns then would they?

How about this for a response:
Thanks for the quick reminder Angela. When I do address you I will try to remember to use your preferred pronouns they/them.
🤭

I would just think she was attention seeking idiot and treat her as such

Honestly I don't think it needs a reply.

Yeah spinning that’s good response

Sure your colleagues eyes are rolling out of their heads at the tiresome idiot anyway

Let’s just use names all the time, I’m sure we will get used to it and no one will ever have their precious souls insulted by the literal violence of the wrong pronouns then would they? hmm

Similar situations occur with the pronouns of Mrs/Miss/Ms.....I'm married bur have always hated being referred to as Mrs ( I use my own surname).......but equally don't like Ms -as it often seems compelled and somehow forced - and therefore uncomfortable.

When abroad people automatically use Madame/ Mademoiselle/Signora/Signorina according to their perception of your age - bearing in mind that they don'y want to offend anyone's 'status'.

To be honest - I no longer care what people call me or what title they use. If I get a cold call referring to me by my husband's name...so what.....it doesn't effect me or change my identity. I'm confident enough in myself not to get upset about such things.