The Badley Fuckitt Pop-Up Winter Gin Bar

[BadgertheBodger]

Come one, come all!

Badley Fuckitt’s pop-up Winter gin bar is open for business. We’ve got faux-sheepskins, a log fire being stoked by young Nigel and enough gin to drown an army of sealions. (Note to PETA, not real ones, natch)

Collapses on chaise longue and weakly gestures for the bottle

Whispers

Is it safe to say “squirrels” yet?

Lets have a Nostalgia Night and do homity pies.

I think I love you.

I'm blushing madly under this balaclava.

Can we stop the anti-sausage rhetoric please?

I would have though people like you would eat hominy rather than homity what with the old women for sale malarkey. Drunkards.

Ooh, that's a long sausage.

Soz Aabout you're willy.

I would have though people like you would eat hominy rather than homity what with the old women for sale malarkey. Drunkards.

I like a good Thigh homily on a Friday.

(See what I did there? It's as close as these saggy tits get to wit. Think yourselves lucky.)

Told you I bite down hard.

I don't like chip shop sausages. They're like school sausages.

None of the above is a euphemism.

You must have incredibly straight teeth Lang.

Homity pie sounds lovely. May have to try that.

Oh man, as an eighties veggie, I bloody loved a homity pie! I might make some this weekend.

Again, sorry about the smell in my corner this evening. Number 1 dog rolled in fox shit this afternoon. Then I was picking up a poo out of number 2 dog and the fucking bag split so I put my thumb in shit. What you can smell is bleach and fox poo shampoo (plus a waft of Islay whisky 😬)

I went to the local groomers and bought dog perfume. I don't use it often, I'm not a monster.

For you or the dog Thigh?

Haha, tinsel I was typing that out and you got there first

You smell lovely, thigh, and your coat is beautifully shiny.

On a similar note, was a bit taken aback the first time I saw this in the people section of a large shop.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mane-n-Tail-Shampoo-Conditioner/dp/B005CI1JEG?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

It says it's a human version. Of horse shampoo. Time to crack out the brandy.

Next up, a full range of Kerastase product for your palomino just to show how much you love them/that you have enough money to piss some away?

I used to like the smell of hoof oil.

I use Mane and Tail! On me, not the dogs.

I use whatever's on offer in Tesco.

Can I still play?

Well Lung I'll play with you but could you wear a hat?

What does fox poo shampoo smell like? I hope it's not one of those things where the thing meant to mask the bad smell just combines with it to create a new, just as horrible smell.

Aren't you supposed to use ketchup?

Can it be a bobble hat, Thigh? They make me go all funny.