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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

ROGD Parent Support

361 replies

iamright17 · 16/11/2019 00:34

This is a new thread for parents who are experiencing the phenomenon of Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria in their tweens/ teens/ young adults.

Sadly we are being watched and our words taken out of context so please be careful what you say.

I want the UK and beyond to listen to parents. Even if it is deemed as anecdotal for now, it is important for someone to acknowledge our perspective. The trans narrative is trying to undermine our credibility.

OP posts:
janeskettle · 26/01/2020 03:51

ROGD peeps, I still haven't heard anything back from mods regarding this thread, and whether or not anyone is 'working with mods to keep a special eye' on it, or on the posters who post here.

Personally, I don't feel comfortable sharing personal experience without that clarification.

I'm reporting my own posts in this thread and asking for them to be removed.

Good luck to everyone as you deal with this distressing social phenomenon.

Original poster
iamright17 · 26/01/2020 11:11

I wrote
I do no trust Mumsnet Hq to keep my information safe and you may expose me and my child to Trans Right Activist who are out to bring down posters who are concerned about safeguarding. I need to safeguard my child and I realise I should not post anything that could cause The Trans Right Activists to get hold of my data and manipulate it.
I also asked them to delete my posts except for the starter thread. I changed my mind and self reported the posts that might contain too much data. Their reply below:

Hi There iamright17,

Thanks for getting in touch; we're so saddened to hear how you're feeling about TRA's potentially manipulating your data to serve their own ends.

We're sorry to hear you don't feel MN can keep your personal information safe; we do our very best to make sure no personal information is visible to anyone but the user themselves and moderators, when needed. Could we persuade you to opt for a name-change or perhaps we could move the thread elsewhere to make it less visible?

We know this is a subject that isn't going away anytime soon and your experiences and thoughts are so helpful in giving a voice to your perspective so we'd love for your posts to stand but we do understand your concerns.

Let us know what's best for you and we'll do our utmost to help.

OP posts:
janeskettle · 26/01/2020 21:46

Hmm.

If there hadn't been the whole intern thing a while back I'd have more faith in the privacy aspect of that answer. Maybe things have been tightened up since.

I still don't see why we can't have a direct answer - no, at no time will mods be allowed to keep a 'special eye' on parents posting in this thread, either off their own bat, because 'users' are reporting frequently, or because a TRA complains.

TheBewildernessisWeetabix · 27/01/2020 00:55

I don't understand how they can say they do their best when most of the data breaches have been a result of negligence.

Offering to put you in another room that is accessible to everyone as a means of protecting you is absurd.

STILLT · 27/01/2020 13:15

Letter from a parent support group in the BMJ . There are increasing numbers of parents wrestling with this phenomenon
www.bmj.com/content/368/bmj.m215/rr-0

STILLT · 27/01/2020 13:19

You can access the U.K. based support group here,
www.bayswatersupport.org.uk/?xg_source=msg_mes_network

OhHolyJesus · 27/01/2020 19:40

That's really great STILLT as I think I've just seen a thread posting to Bayswater deleted.

I'm not an ROGD parent but I do think posting links to places to get help must be useful to those here, if only to provide options.

( I didn't get to post on the other thread so no idea why it was deleted. I hope it wasn't relating to what Bewilderness mentions.)

BessyK · 10/04/2020 18:25

Parents of ROGD kids - here's the latest video from Benjamin A Boyce speaking to Sasha Ayad and Lisa Littman.

findmeaname · 17/05/2020 21:03

I just wanted to thank you all for this thread. I was frantically searching the internet for help on a topic I knew nothing about (so didn't know the correct terms to search etc) and somehow I stumbled across this. It's been a fountain of knowledge and pointed me in the direction of some excellent videos and resources.

I've got a 12 year old girl who's being assessed for ASD/ADHD and already declared herself bi aged 11. I'm shocked at how common it is for these girls to go through this, and so glad I've found some great advice on how to handle it. She didn't tell me, I found out by looking through her phone. For now I feel like that's a good thing as she's not so far down the rabbit hole that she made it a thing in real life. I'm hoping early intervention, and the fact she won't be back in school for some time, will enable me to reverse the damage. She's just a confused girl who's unhappy with her changing body and doesn't fit in with the other girls, and she's looking for answers. She was also the most feminine girl you'd ever meet, until quite recently. Seems like she's a classic case!

Anyway, thanks again.

Voice0fReason · 17/05/2020 22:08

@findmeaname is it just that has declared herself Bi that concerns you?
Has she said anything about being trans or a boy or not a girl?

findmeaname · 17/05/2020 22:43

No I'm not concerned about her being bi at all, I just mentioned that because ROGD thing seems to happen to gay kids, it seems part of the confusion.

I asked her about it after I saw it in the phone, I saw a post by her saying she'd told someone else online that she's a transmale. She got upset and said she wants to be a boy. I asked why and she said she doesn't like her body.

ponpoy · 02/10/2020 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OhHolyJesus · 02/10/2020 13:01

I cannot advise but wondered if you can raise a complaint to the school? Via an escalated complaints process you could get to the governors and a review. Have you met the teacher/HT in person?

If they have transitioned her without your knowledge or consent they have failed to safeguard her and that is a big deal.

It might be worth pursuing, if you have the time and energy, particularly if the teachers have been 'trained' as the new govt guidelines are very specific.

Is there anything to suggest Stonewall or similar have been into the school?

Of course it might be best to focus on moving her if there are alternatives that will keep her safe.

The digital stuff is beyond me, I think it could cause a massive issue but if she had failed to follow rules then it's her consequences. Based on the suicide on TikTok and all the other dangers I think it's reason enough to withdraw internet but it will be a big deal for her if she has come to rely on it more.

Do you limit social media or internet? Can she access the internet at school?

OhHolyJesus · 02/10/2020 13:05

@ponpoy

I cannot advise from experience but wondered if you can raise a complaint to the school? Via an escalated complaints process you could get to the governors and a review. Have you met the teacher/HT in person?

If they have transitioned her without your knowledge or consent they have failed to safeguard her and that is a big deal.

It might be worth pursuing, if you have the time and energy, particularly if the teachers have been 'trained' as the new govt guidelines are very specific. Are there other kids like your DD at the school?

Is there anything to suggest Stonewall or similar have been into the school?

Of course it might be best to focus on moving her if there are alternatives that will keep her safe.

The digital stuff is beyond me, I think it could cause a massive issue but if she had failed to follow rules then it's her consequences. Based on the suicide on TikTok and all the other dangers I think it's reason enough to withdraw internet completely (aside for homework and study) but it will be a big loss for her if she has come to rely on it more, esp with lockdown and now the new boyfriend.

Do you limit social media or internet? Can she access the internet at school? Can you limit her phone access and allow WhatsApp only, remove all other apps and block?

ponpoy · 02/10/2020 13:12

Thank you @OhHolyJesus. Interesting questions. Will explore. Whatsapp is a big problem in itself though. I think we're beyond the kind of trust that would take anyway.
We plan to talk to school next week.
Good question re internet at school. I just don't know - will probably buy us a little time to get some therapy in place perhaps.

ponpoy · 02/10/2020 13:31

Oh and yes, to answer your question - there are many like her at the school.

BessyK · 02/10/2020 13:48

Hi Ponpoy, you can find further support and advice from Transgender Trend, Bayswater Support group, Our Duty group and Parents of ROGD kids.

ponpoy · 02/10/2020 15:37

Thanks @BessyK. Haven't had a reply from Bayswater yet, but have tried. Will check out the others.

rogdmum · 02/10/2020 17:03

@ponpoy I’ve sent you a DM which might be useful.

Winesalot · 15/11/2020 22:46

Just wondering if anyone had seen a translation of this Swedish report from February 2020 Before. This Canadian article is being shared on twitter at the moment and refers to the Swedish Government now doing further research like the UK is supposedly doing.

However, in the meantime, the government seems to be ensuring better mental health care (apparently rejecting that it is dehumanising to look further into underlying health conditions).

genderreport.ca/the-swedish-u-turn-on-gender-transitioning/

Delphinium20 · 16/11/2020 02:26

Thank you for starting this. We also have a beautiful child in our family who first was NB and now says they are trans and was able to recently start HRT now that he's 18. It's heartbreaking as he has diagnosed dysphoria and his parents held off any medications. Now he's just barely an adult, we fear the lack of good information is sending him down medicalized paths of no return.

Wandawomble · 16/11/2020 05:44

Many of my daughters friends have and now all they do is obsess about it. They have WhatsApp calls and my daughter has had to remove herself from the main group because they keep asking her about her sexuality and pronouns and it makes her really uncomfortable,

Tibu · 19/02/2021 12:21

I am happy to have found this forum but not sure if it's still "alive" as I can only see messages from 2019. If not alive, are there any alternative forums? I am parent. Thank you!!

Ereshkigalangcleg · 19/02/2021 12:23

I think it would be ok to post on this support thread, Tibu. Your post and mine will bump it.

ponpoy · 19/02/2021 16:20

You may be better off joining the Bayswater support group which is very live. Can I help at all in the meantime?

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