Trans Widows Escape Committee 3: Rise of the Trans Widows

[TinselAngel]

Less than two years have passed since the first TWEC thread and now its time for a third.

This is a support area for women who are, or have been, in unhappy relationships with male partners who are transitioning, or exploring their "gender identity"

If you are in that position-

1. You are not alone
2. It is not a situation that you should be expected to tolerate, let alone celebrate.
3. There is always a way out, if you want it. The thread is called Escape Committee for that reason

Remember: women talking to each other is a powerful weapon!

Regulars- do post here to get the thread going.

Lurkers- now would be a great time to de-lurk.

I think that statement is all about him. And if you go to great lengths to say how supportive your family are, it means they have to be.

They have no choice, he must save face, so must they.

They're probably horrified and his wife must be devastated, and his kids. I feel bad for them.

I'm guessing there will be a quiet divorce announcement in a few months, when this is no longer a front page story. Because there is no future in staying with someone who has lied to you for decades.

I'm curious if the next phase of these crazy years will be adultery losing any stigma
"I couldn't be my authentic self unless I was fucking someone other than my wife, therefore you should all applaud me as stunning and brave."

I'm curious if the next phase of these crazy years will be adultery losing any stigma

Polyamory.

The documentaries I've seen on the subject have a lot of women who almost seem like shadows of women who have lost something of themselves.

They haven't made me think that they are in the interests of women. Even if the women have multiple partners themselves.

Thank you for looking out for me TinselAngel.

There are times I deliberately stay away from anything to do with Trans issues as I cannot face it and it's gets all so depressing, especially when I see so many others suffering horrendously.

The cheerleading of PS shows men are men with emotions and needs and the women are just props. When you are in this type of relationship, women aren't seen as people just things to make their man feel better, no matter what he does. Dehumanising women is still going on as strongly as ever, but with a new woke and pc twist.

Sorry wrong thread

Apologies if this is confusing, I don't want to provide too much detail as you can imagine.

I was raped by an almost 30 y/o AGP CD man when I was a 16 y/o girl without other experience (which I made known to him) and didn't understand what the AGP did to me at the time (dressed me up in control-top tights before ripping them off while I was confused and face down). After telling a mutual acquaintance what the AGP did about 15 years later, I spoke with the AGP/CD who told me why he did what he did after a lot of questioning. After I understood enough, I reported him. It was obvious by his skill in pushing me toward his end goal/ignoring me trying to explain as best I could I didn't understand what was going on that this wasn't his first attempt, and I fear to think if he's gotten away with this behavior with other underage children or barely legal adults (when I spoke with him, he claimed to think I was 18 at the time, which was not possible based on other circumstances).

I may not be a transwidow per se (his family is now aware of this and his proclivities, and was understandably upset when I brought this out into the open - I wanted his wife and his family to be aware for the sake of their/his children), but completely understand the grief, shock, derealization and disillusionment that comes along with waking up to this nightmare. It derailed my life entirely (for example, I was made so vulnerable by his rape that I was revictimized by other adult men while I was an older teenager and couldn’t see the truth of what was going on) and I'm only just starting to heal, not many people IRL seem to understand the concept of AGP vs. trans rights outside of this thread. I'm grateful to this thread, and for the strong women who aren't scared to speak about this degrading, humiliating fetish masquerading as a human rights movement. Thank you for making me feel as though I'm not alone in this experience. My thoughts and hope for your continued strength and health are with you all.

I came home from work tonight knowing my daughter might be upset about PS as she's a big fan. And she was. She said it resonated with her own father (he lived a lie, he had kids, the world applauded, he hurt his family) but that it was crucially different as he is still the same person, unlike her own dad. She felt he's been reasonably respectful towards his family plus waited till his kids were adults unlike my ex. When a friend at school asked her what she thought today, she said 'I said I felt sorry for his wife'. That made me choke up. It prompted a chat about her father and her feelings of betrayal, sadness and anger, which was a good thing, but hard going for her, and for me to hear. It's so easily reopened, this wound.

Great to hear you're doing okay Emily. And that you know when he inevitably cycles, you'll be better able to detach yourself. There is hope

If any lurking supporters of this thread who happen to have a spade handy, were to google "trans widows escape committee" they might find a hole that needs a small amount of digging.

Just stopped by to say I think of you all often.

The hole is now filled

G00dbyeH0rses so sorry to hear your story, I am not a trans widow but stop by sometimes to just send you all my best wishes and my thoughts.

What happened to you G00dbyeH0rses was appalling.

Thank you @Italiangreyhound. I appreciate your kind words. Half the battle of healing has been understanding the context of what happened and why, and understanding the AGP angle has certainly helped me round a corner and make progress. Knowing one thing from reading this and other transwidow threads, these cowards don't attack the weak. Wishing you the best, onward and upward.

I think it always helps to find people who can understand where you are coming from, G00dbyeH0rses. As I am not a trans widow I don't understand that side of things really well but I do know a bit from reading here. I can totally see that abuse and all abusive behaviour cannot be covered up and clearly when these terrible things come to light they can be seen for what they are.

I do hope you have accessed some counselling for this. I know counselling is not right for everyone but for some it is a big help. XXXXX

hi, i posted on the second thread about my agp ex. i'm 18 in a month and i dont really know who i can talk about what happened with. my friends say i need to be careful not to 'demonise trans women' because i had a bad experience with one. but i read through this thread and they're all so, so similar. i can't help but think everyone i know has gone mad.

Have you had any counselling somethingawful? Do you go to college / Uni? Could you use their counselling service?

somethingawful I have to say a lot of people have gone a bit mad lately. I echo Tinsel that getting counselling is helpful. Just make sure the counsellor understands what you have been through.

I don't think it is a case of 'demonising trans women'; a lot of people may say to a woman who had a very bad experience of a man, don't demonise all men etc. but to be honest if you have had a horrible experience it will affect how you feel about that person in particular hugely, but also to some degree how you feel about people who share some those characteristics. So if you go for counselling, you won't be talking about 'all' trans women, or if you were speaking about a man, you wouldn't be talking about 'all' men.

So maybe if you have counselling you don't need to be drawn into speaking about trans women but about the person you were involved with. If that makes sense. But again, I'm not a trans widow and so it may be that the patterns are too hard to avoid noticing!

SomethingAwful, I understand completely about not wanting to demonize trans women. We as trans widows are dealing with a very specific, very messed up subset. Who are very different from the young trans men and women I often work with at my college. But you've been through a serious trauma, please consider getting some professional help.

Has anyone's partner been made happier by transition? Asking for a friend obvs .

somethingawful I think that if peoples response to you talking about your trauma is to express concern that you are demonising a group, then its not you, its them.

Someone posted on the Relationships board recently, about people who react badly when you say you have gone no contact with a narc parent. I'll try and find the quote but basically they don't like the idea of you being autonomous and being able to walk away so feel the need to police you and bring you back into line.
If you could do it there's no reason they can't leave the situation they are in. Or you might leave them.

The last thing you need is to be re-traumatised by them, I hope you can find a good counsellor for yourself.

Has anyone's partner been made happier by transition? Asking for a friend obvs .

How would we ever know? They'll never be honest about it.

Or do you mean in couples who've stayed together sorenipples?

Somethingawful.. You are not alone! I have not posted in awhile but my daughter was just turning 17 when her bf of one year told her he was a woman and had been all along. She kept it to herself for a long time because she was afraid she would not have support in this crazy day and age.
Now that six months have gone by, she has been able to confide in a few friends. I hope you are able to find those people in your life. My daughter is now doing well. She has a boyfriend and is enjoying life again, but I can tell she has some lingering trust issues from this traumatic experience. Blessings to you!