‘More acceptance’ of S&M needed

[Imnobody4]

talkradio.co.uk/news/more-acceptance-needed-sm-activities-19032230392
My morning isn't starting well. Haven't heard the programme - not sure I could stand it.

I'm very familiar with the specific case. That's why I'm astounded the two are mentioned as being part of the same issue. It's nuts!

Bank says she is helping victims, not working with them.

Helping someone would involve encouraging them to talk to professional counsellors, support workers etc who would work with the victim.

Because we can't prove consent when certain acts go wrong, maybe we should just ban acts that have the potential to cause serious harm.

If you engage in anything like that, and your partner gets hurt or killed then you are punished, consent is not relevant. It's the risk you take.

I am veering more and more towards this as the thread progresses. If people want to speed in their car, take coke or get into asphyxiation for kicks - they should know that they are doing something illegal. If they kill someone on their bike or by giving them coke or suffocating them, they should be up for manslaughter.

Acts which have a high likelihood of causing damage like anal fisting, burning or piercing the skin should not be legal.

I agree WeRise, and think that is the crux of it. We should be approving fewer sadistic acts, not more, and that should be evident in law. It would protect more women.

And dressing up in latex should be banned too, I suppose.

And dressing up in latex should be banned too

Of course not.

It is really important to draw a distinction between acts that can cause serious harm and those that can't or are extremely unlikely. Wearing a latex suit is safe, putting a latex mask over someone's face without proper breathing holes is not.

And where have you drawn the conclusion I don’t do that? I have taken a victim to a rape crisis centre, I’ve made sure they access appropriate help and support, I’ve accompanied them to the police station. I’ve given them names and numbers of counsellors who are familiar with bdsm.

I drew the conclusion that you did do that.

I think the onus should be on the defendent to prove they took proper precautions and followed all their risk assessments to the letter in order to prove it was consensual and prove it went wrong. The idea should be entertained that people can groom themselves to become a violent murderers through 'pushing the boundaries' in their activities.

A latex mask without any breathing holes? You think that's what people are typically wearing? Well that just shows everything about how little you actually know about what you're talking about.

It can’t be consensual if the law is that you nobody can consent to a particular act.

I cannot do any more than I am doing. I have taken advise on the best approach. I hand over to the professionals when appropriate and I make sure, as best as I am able, that the information about where to go for help is out there.

I take time out of my life to do this. To help. To make a difference. And be quite honest at this point I’m thinking fuck it. I’ll just walk away.

You think that's what people are typically wearing?

Erm - where did I say that?

We’re talking about what should be illegal, Veronica, not what is typical.

Jesus Christ the night it is not fucking safe to wear fucking latex masks with out breathing holes.

And I cannot believe I just had to type that.

quite honest at this point I’m thinking fuck it. I’ll just walk away.

Because of this thread that's been running for a couple of days on mumsnet, or something else?

Florescentadolescent
I entirely agree I think I said this earlier. At the moment justice is not being served. Intimate justice demands that the risk of harm to the victim is balanced by the risk of conviction by the perpetrator. Consent is no excuse for harm. If there's true consent and trust there'll be no complaints.

You're the one who mentioned latex hoods that will suffocate the person wearing it. I don't even know how you've imagined that as a realistic prop in BDSM.

It would be a realistic way of killing someone, which is the salient point in a murder trial.

I’m fed up with the shit that I’m taking here, it seems like there’s absolutely nothing I can do will make any difference so it’s fucking pointless.

Anyone who wears a latex mask with no air holes is going to suffocate and die. That is fuck all to do with bdsm. I have never ever in my life seen anyone use a mask with no breathing holes.

I cannot believe I just had to type that.

Yes. As Endofthedays says we are talking about what should be illegal. I remember there was a thing in the 80s about people dying with plastic bags over their heads. It could have been assassinations staged to look like S&M gone wrong or it could actually be a thing for some people.

Yes, it was a bin liner in the Stephen Milligan case.

And there was the "Spy in a Bag" case

It was a masturbation heightener. It was nothing to do with bdsm. You mean like David carradine and auto erotic asphyxiation.