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Feminism: Sex and gender discussions

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Original poster

Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok

176 replies

Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 13:51

DD is 14, and her dad (exH) gave her this for Christmas.

She says it's fine, it's from Missguided, and she likes it.

I think it's vile and don't want her to go out in it.

We just compromised that she wore a coat over it to go to the shop. In my mild horror all I could come up with was "but but it says 'for men's entertainment' on it", and that's not my point.

Please help me form a coherent argument that a 14yo might listen to?

Here is the link,should you want www.missguided.co.uk/playboy-x-missguided-black-magazine-print-oversized-print-hoodie-dress-10125564

Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok
OP posts:
MargueritaPink · 29/12/2018 11:24

I think you are extremely sexist in your use of the word "bitch" and your assumption that "cheap" has a sexual connotation.

Lucywithout · 29/12/2018 11:25

Buy a matching one and suggest you go out together. if she will do that you are really in trouble though!
If she wont then ask her why you should not wear one?

beerandchocolate · 29/12/2018 11:26

It's gross but I liked things as a teen/ young woman I cringe at now.
That have different meanings to me now than then.

MargueritaPink · 29/12/2018 11:27

You have called me sexist scum

I said no such thing. Point to where I have used the words bitch or scum.

I have no idea why you are wittering on about the other poster. I am referring to your language, not hers.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:28

Cheap when combined with Tramp, said to a female person who is wearing a garment that has clear sexual overtones -

Has a very definite meaning.

Does "tramp" not mean the same where you live?

Why are you so keen to defend another poster even to the point of accuisng another woman who you don't even know of seeing girls in terms of sexual value,essentially of viewing teenage girls in the same way as Heff and his mates did?

That's really strong and you're still at it.

I don't get it.

What does "That looks cheap, you look like a tramp" mean to you in this context then?

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:32

"I have no idea why you are wittering on about the other poster. I am referring to your language, not hers."

Becasue she was the one, who said to tell the DD that it looked cheap and she looked like a tramp.

I responded saying using the patriarchal atttiudes and language was not good!##
You argued with me and have been doing so ever since.

Are you reading a different conversation?

I am very upset at being called sexist, prejudiced, seeing girls in terms of sexual value etc.

I dont' understand why you are doing this?

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:33

Someone who looks at a 14yo girl and thinks of her in terms of "cheap / tramp" is sexist scum

That is what you have called me

Your words have been more polite but your meaning is clear.

MargueritaPink · 29/12/2018 11:36

I have explained I did not use and would never use the word tramp so I suppose I can add that to the list of invented things I'm supposed to have said.

I really don't know why you keep wittering on about defending another poster.

You have posted 2 outright lies accusing me of calling you scum and a bitch.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:36

Are you one of these posters who just likes to "win"?

Even if it means coming on, totally misunderstanding what has been said (I think this is what has happened?) and then once that is pointed out,rather than saying WHOOPS, carrying on making accusations to another woman that are bang out of order quite frankly.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:37

Marguerita

Reread the conversation from frogslegs post

You have gone off wonky

I was never talking about anything you said. I was always talking about frogslegs post. Which used the word "tramp" as well as "cheap".

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MargueritaPink · 29/12/2018 11:39

Someone who looks at a 14yo girl and thinks of her in terms of "cheap / tramp" is sexist scum

I did not do either of those things. I said the garment looked cheap. I'm fed up explaining tramp is not a word I use.

That is what you have called me

Yet another lie. I said your use of bitch and cheap is sexist.

MargueritaPink · 29/12/2018 11:40

if you still think I am sexist scum please feel free to say so

Do you think if you repeat that lie often enough it will become true? I did not call you scum or a bitch.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:42

I WAS TALKING ABOUT FROGSLEGS POST ALL THE TIME

I EVEN QUOTED IT WHEN YOU DISAGREED

AND ALSO POINTED OUT THAT SHE HAD USED THE WORD TRAMP AS WELL AS CHEAP

Did you not really bother reading anything I had written?

I think if you are going to say such nasty fucking things to someone >
"If you think "that coat/hoodie/ whatever looks really cheap" implies cheap in a sexual sense you should examine your own prejudices and use of language.

"Cheap" in a sexual sense is not a meaning that would ever enter my head, let alone use. I'm rather surprised someone, who I assume thinks of herself as a feminist, would give "cheap" any meaning other than "not expensive"."

Then you need to make sure you understand the fucking conversation.

OR are you enjoying this?

What of the other posters who have said that cheap + tramp in this context mean the same to them? Are you going to have a go at them as well, accuse them of sexism etc?

AnnaMagnani · 29/12/2018 11:48

Please help me form a coherent argument that a 14yo might listen to?

I love that top soooo much. I'm going to get one the same and we can go out together wearing them both together matching. Won't that be nice?

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 11:51

Grin Anna

Nailed it!

HeronLanyon · 29/12/2018 12:03

Anna well done ! Plus is there any grandmother or great aunt on the scene who could innocently say they like it a lot and might think about getting one ??

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 12:04

  • brothers and dad and uncles

The more the merrier Grin

NothingOnTellyAgain · 29/12/2018 12:05

It's like the Waltons gone wrong Grin

HeronLanyon · 29/12/2018 12:07

Op at the risk of identifying yourself誒by your exact address (Grin) I am sure several of us would be happy to parade up and down your street with said item (then burn it of course and no phones allowed). I am mid 50s - that should help ??

HeronLanyon · 29/12/2018 12:09

In a coordinated fashion not all at once obvs or she may cottton on.

The waltons gone wrong GrinGrin

willyloman · 29/12/2018 12:12

a hot wash should melt this one. very tacky from a father? yuck. Ask her how she'd feel if you wore a matching one with her?

BillyWilliamTheThird · 29/12/2018 12:23

I reckon your best hope is that one or more of her more clued-up peers will point out how sexist and unacceptable it is. Got any cool nieces or nephews whose opinion she respects that you could prime to do it for you perhaps?

FestiveNut · 29/12/2018 12:42

Teenagers, in general, will never care whether mum thinks their fashion is cool or not. They only care about their peers, who are probably into this kind of thing given that your DD asked for it in the first place. Unfortunately, losing it at this point would be very suspicious as you've already revealed your hatred of it. Destroying in the wash would only be plausible as an accident if something important of yours was destroyed too. The iPhone thing would probably work.

I think you may have to let it go. Realistically, a giant all black hoody is not going to make her a particular target for rape (and even if it did, you wouldn't want to use that argument due to victim blaming, as you've said already). She's growing up and will soon have the right to wear whatever she jolly well wants. It may even be a specific act of rebellion against you. I would not make it an issue any more than you already have tbh.

AngryAttackKittens · 29/12/2018 12:44

I'm still stuck on the part where her dad gave her this dress. WTF, that guy?