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Original poster

Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok

176 replies

Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 13:51

DD is 14, and her dad (exH) gave her this for Christmas.

She says it's fine, it's from Missguided, and she likes it.

I think it's vile and don't want her to go out in it.

We just compromised that she wore a coat over it to go to the shop. In my mild horror all I could come up with was "but but it says 'for men's entertainment' on it", and that's not my point.

Please help me form a coherent argument that a 14yo might listen to?

Here is the link,should you want www.missguided.co.uk/playboy-x-missguided-black-magazine-print-oversized-print-hoodie-dress-10125564

Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok
OP posts:
Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 18:05

Thanks all.

Have had a chat and used many of your suggestions re porn, advertising, mouths being like vaginas, and the very helpful what might other women think.

She's not happy, of course. She did ask for the top. Obviously that doesn't excuse her stupid father for buying it, but as I've said, he's an absolute bellend.

I've asked her not to wear it in public or around me.

It's going to get 'mysteriously lost'.

OP posts:
Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 18:07

Oh, and I gave her Julie Bindell's article on Heffner to read.

OP posts:
FrogsLegs33 · 28/12/2018 18:13

She knows what it is about. 14yr olds are on Insta and Snapchat all day.

She likes that it is provocative and that old farts won’t like it. She chose it for these reasons.

The more you protest the worse it will get. She will think your points are nuts and that you are just trying to control her.

If you want her to stop wearing it with the least amount of resistance, keep your argument simple.

“Oh god you’re wearing that again, so gross”
“I thought you were smarter enough to know what that is really about?”
“It just looks so cheap”
“Did you get any comments about it yet?”

Act like you think it is unimaginative and lame. Like it makes her seem like a tramp.

This might not be sentiments you agree with but they are more likely to shame her out of it than you asserting that it’s awful in a more direct way.

brizzledrizzle · 28/12/2018 18:13

Sounds like you handled it well. I showed my 15 year old, his comment was 'who the hell would wear that?'

HettieBettie · 28/12/2018 18:17

Show her the above comment ^

Grace212 · 28/12/2018 18:17

OP how did she respond to your points?

HeronLanyon · 28/12/2018 18:20

Well done op. Good luck over the next days/weeks.

SirVixofVixHall · 28/12/2018 18:29

I would also talk it through, I’d talk it through and then iron the bastard into oblivion while shouting “ Whoops!”

MargueritaPink · 28/12/2018 19:15

I showed my 15 year old, his comment was 'who the hell would wear that?'

It looks shit

it is unimaginative and lame

These are more compelling arguments than a lecture from Julie Bindel will be.

MargueritaPink · 28/12/2018 19:16

Setting aside any other argument it is hideous.

VickyEadie · 28/12/2018 19:17

Setting aside any other argument it is hideous.

It really is.

NothingOnTellyAgain · 28/12/2018 19:23

"“It just looks so cheap”
“Did you get any comments about it yet?”

Act like you think it is unimaginative and lame. Like it makes her seem like a tramp."

Yeah - no.

Using patriarchal language about women would not be the way that I could even think about it!

It looks cheap (which means it makes you look cheap, I think? especailly when combined with the "You look like a tramp" thing - fucking hell!

Yes the best thing to do as a feminist responding to something like this is to adopt the language and attitudes of the men who made the images in the first place...! (Virgin / whore type stuff).

Original poster
Inarticulated · 28/12/2018 19:50

Using patriarchal language about women would not be the way that I could even think about it!

Yes, exactly why I asked on the feminist chat page about how to broach...

She was not very forthcoming with her opinions of what I'd said. Let's just say it was a very teenage response.

She has almost certainly smuggled it out to sleepover at a friend's tonight. I'm mortified another parent will see it and think I don't mind.

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 28/12/2018 20:00

I'm mortified another parent will see it and think I don't mind.

I would be as well, hopefully said parent will know what it's like with teenagers and absent parents.

Frequency · 28/12/2018 20:08

If I saw one of DDs friends in that hoodie I would assume they'd bought it with their own money on an unsupervised shopping trip such as how DD got the underwear she calls tops.

I would do my best to resist saying Ew whenever I saw it.

MargueritaPink · 28/12/2018 20:26

It looks cheap (which means it makes you look cheap, I think?

Not at all. It would never occur to me that describing a piece of clothing as looking cheap means anything other that it is tacky, badly made and obviously made of nasty man made materials. There is nothing patriarchical about that.

Same with describing it as unimaginative and lame. That is not equivalent to it makes her look like a tramp.

SirVixofVixHall · 28/12/2018 20:32

I would be pretty shocked if one of dd’s friends pitched up in that, and I would probably assume that her parents hadn’t seen it.

Ellie56 · 28/12/2018 20:39

Hopefully the friend will be unimpressed which will put her off it far more than you ever could.

MargueritaPink · 28/12/2018 20:46

It might look cheap and nasty it was £178 (now reduced to £89)

www.thekooples.co.uk/black-playboy-hoodie-by-the-kooples-1522483.html

Candace19 · 28/12/2018 20:46

Perhaps should have just smiled & said lovely & then it could have just disappeared.

crazycatgal · 28/12/2018 20:50

@MargueritaPink It wasn't £178. This hoodie is from MissGuided.

MargueritaPink · 28/12/2018 20:51

It is part of The Kooples "Limited Edition" Playboy range. If anything the white cropped version is even worse.

Please treat this post a public service announcement so you can boycott The Kooples.

www.thekooples.co.uk/black-playboy-hoodie-by-the-kooples-1522483.html#q=playboy&idx=magento_prod_gbp_store_uk_products&p=0&is_v=1

MargueritaPink · 28/12/2018 20:53

@MargueritaPink It wasn't £178. This hoodie is from MissGuided

Have they ripped off The Kooples? It looks exactly the same.

ScipioAfricanus · 28/12/2018 20:53

There is clearly a copy cat version which is from MissGuided (as linked by OP). At least it wasn’t such an expensive horrible gift!

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