Can someone help me explain to DD14 why this isn't ok

[Inarticulated]

DD is 14, and her dad (exH) gave her this for Christmas.

She says it's fine, it's from Missguided, and she likes it.

I think it's vile and don't want her to go out in it.

We just compromised that she wore a coat over it to go to the shop. In my mild horror all I could come up with was "but but it says 'for men's entertainment' on it", and that's not my point.

Please help me form a coherent argument that a 14yo might listen to?

Here is the link,should you want www.missguided.co.uk/playboy-x-missguided-black-magazine-print-oversized-print-hoodie-dress-10125564

Because Playboy is a company that made a lot of money by exploiting women and by perpetuating the idea that women are a commodity to be bought and sold.

It's very likely she's asked for it

She's thrilled to bits with it. Which is why I asked for a decent arguments.

She's a very lovely but very, very naive 14yo. She will completely shutdown and refuse to discuss, so I needed to form a quick sentence before she shuts her ears to me. This has been very helpful.

Actually-at 14 I would just not let her wear it. But I am a bit hard core.......

If she wears it some men will interpret it as her existing solely for their entertainment.

Whether we like it or not people do notice what you are wearing and sometimes they judge - what sort of impression does she want to make?

Oh and her dad is a creep.

If she wears it some men will interpret it as her existing solely for their entertainment

I've been trying to avoid that angle, due to the whole "short skirt is asking for it" thing, which is not what I believe. But of course they will. The thought of her wearing down the street to go to the shop made me feel very uneasy.

Oh God 14 year old me would have ignored you, and been more likely to wear it, the more you objected. It is totally vile though.
You know her best, what would she be more likely to listen to?

what would she be more likely to listen to

She will not want to listen to anything at all, because 14.

Mother of a 14 year old here that going around wearing an Americain idiot Donald trump (piss take) t shirt 😐, I’m not sure if she would understand the playboy thing but I would explain it to her and I’m pretty sure she wouldn’t want to wear it, then again she’s happy to wear a Donald trump T-shirt out in public.

Maybe she could find another hoodie from misguided that she likes and her dad could swap it?

Op I used to feel very tense around the politics/loyalties re gifts from my father and his wife. Expectations were very high around Christmas, a lot of money was spent and I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Given her defensiveness could there be something like that going on? In this kind of emotional climate objects can take on different significance.

And my dad's wife once chose a low-cut crushed velvet top for me which my mum suggested was tacky so I never wore it (but that was almost 40yrs ago lol).

Just to be clear I agree with you and I wouldn't want my dd to wear this.

Explain to her that in western sexual imagery an open lipsticked mouth is a symbol of a vagina. If she is happy to mooch about with a giant vagina on her shirt then fine, but she will get funny looks and probably inappropriate comments to deal with.

That is unbelievably vile OP. Your Ex must be a complete knob if he thinks that is in any way is a suitable present for a 14 year old. Or is it more likely he thought it was a suitable present to wind you up with?

I think it will just have to accidentally fall in a bucket of bleach.

Jesus wept. It would be in the bin in my house, sulking and screaming regardless.

Others have given very sensible answers. She is advertising an actual pornographic magazine. When she is below the age of consent to boot. You really can't let her wear it. Take it off her. You are the parent.

Offer her some cash for a different one in exchange.

Print off a feminst article on Playboy from the internet which she can read at her leisure. No time like the present for her to start understanding the patriarchy instead of advertising it.

Ugh that is horrendous. And from her FATHER. I hate that playboy branded stuff even exists, and is aimed at children, but that's a particularly vile specimen.

Can you wash it in such a way that the picture starts peeling badly? I did it by accident (probably) to a Disney Princess one. Then she could still wear it.

Take it off her and throw it away. She is 14 and that is completely inappropriate. You are her parent. Act like it.

Not a chance would my same age daughter be wearing that. It's disgusting- what sort of father buys it for his daughter?

What is your relationship like with your ex and have you told him it’s 100% fucking totes inappropriate?

I feel annoyed that you’ve got to “deal” with this after it’s him that’s made the issue.

Ps: i will say this - she will thank you for this one day. Maybe if she has daughters herself, maybe when she becomes a bit more clued up about the world. But she will.

What is the match? I don't get it. Has it burnt up and burnt her mouth?

14yo girl with this on is a gift of a conversation starter for creepy men on the high street.

I can't fathom why the fuck a parent would buy this for a 14yo girl it is peverse (in the wider sense, not saying he's a pervert in the sexual sense!).

As for DD
I would say
I fucking hate that
#It's an advert for porn
I am not having you walkng around town advertising porn
Playboy mansion was open house on rape
What about teh shoot with 11 yo girls
No fuckign way sorry but just no

In my opinion you should say
"it's too vulgar for a 14 year old to wear. You are not allowed to wear it out of the house. How about we go and pick out a new shirt, whichever you want, as long as it's not vulgar"

Did she ask for it or suggest it? She seemed to know the shop so wondering if she's seen a celebrity wearing it that she likes or suggested she'd like it.

Also why not tell her you don't want it in your house and to keep it at her dad's.

I have been cleaning windows with ds' old pants, they were a bit mouldy so I soaked them in biological liquid and boiling water. Seems I have soaked off the dinosaur motif. What a shame. [buwink]

That would go in the bin in my house, or get accidentally boiled in the washer. What a vile thing to buy any woman, let alone your 14 yo DD. OP your xh is a twat. I’d definitely put my foot down about that, it’s fucking awful.

I don’t have anything clever to add, but would say that maybe talking about what an actual creep Hugh Hefner was could be an angle?
This column is useful to talk about how gross he was (but it’s very explicit):
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/sep/28/hugh-hefner-pimp-sue-playboy-mansion
To be honest, a quick Wiki of Hefner’s bio is probably enough.
The picture on the hoodie looks like a cover from 2013 - when Hefner was still alive and married to a woman 60 years younger than him...The idea of this man would have repulsed me plenty. And that’s before thinking about the MASSIVE problems with pornography including how it degrades, commodifies and exploits particularly young women’s bodies.

Yuck. That's is absolutely vile and I agree, I wouldn't my DD16 wearing that either.

Does she know what Playboy actually is?

When DD was much younger there was a horrific fad for pink playboy branded stationary. All she saw was a pale pink pencil case with a cute white bunny on it.

When I explained that the brand and the bunny symbol had other meanings she was incredulous. I remember her saying, but Mum it is being sold for kids? She won't go near it now, thinks it's tacky and disgusting.

When she wears it, she's promoting the sex trade, human trafficking, porn, drugs and rape.

Well done, what a marvellous father she has. Hope he won't put her up for sale next.