doxxed - and a bit freaked out

[LoafEater]

So ... yesterday I posted a (what I thought was) a pretty innocuous, mild comment on an article about a news report. The subject is discussed here on another thread.

This morning my boss calls me into her office and shows me an email from a weird looking gmail address with a screenshot of my fb page.
The email was complaining about my transphobic attitude, and how the trans students at the school work in and take care off cannot be safe around me.

Thankfully my boss was as cross about this as I was, but she obviously has to follow protocol and asked me to take my place of work of FB and to delete my post of possible. She replied to the sender with a generic "thanks very much, we will look into it" reply.

We had a long chat around the subject which ended with her suggesting we had a chat with our safeguarding lead in the NY about this when I told her about and she has asked me to get a copy of the transgender trend schools pack. So its all good and I'm not in any bother as I have a sensible boss, but it could have been very different.

I know this has been happening to lots of women, but I have barely put my head over the parapet and this happens. I feel a bit shaken.

RAINN is pretty dreadful to be honest. There isn't a single word dealing with consent or respect for other people or respect for other person's boundaries.

Similarly, I should be able to leave a big sack of money on my front lawn without it being stolen. In both situations, using common sense is probably the best approach

A false analogy. One would be an idiot to leave a bag of money lying on one's front lawn whereas going about one's everyday life is just going about one's everyday life.

If RAINN dealt with road safety it would be saying don't drink and drive as the primary message - a secondary message might be don't get in a car with a drunk driver. The sole obligation and responsibility to prevent road accidents when drunk however rests 100% on the driver.

I think RAINN's point is that it's a small minority of deviant individuals that rape, so preaching to the converted isn't going to help

It was demonstrated by a recent opinion poll that a significant percentage of men and women think
(a) going back to someone's room =consent to sex;
(b) it is not rape if after sex has started the woman wants to stop but he carries on anyway;
(c) surreptitiously removing a condom when consent was on the basis of using one isn't rape.

So I education is a pretty bloody big part of it.

If RAINN did road safety it would tell pedestrians and other drivers to look out for drunk drivers and to make sure to jump/drive out the way before you get mown down.

Yes your right Sackrifice my analogy was wrong.

I should have said that a responsible road safety organisation dealing with road safety would say "don't drink and drive" as the primary message - a secondary message might be "don't get in a car with a drunk driver". "The sole obligation and responsibility to prevent road accidents when drunk however rests 100% on the driver".

RAINN would say "it's your responsibility as a passenger never to accept a lift from a drunk driver and to make sure you take a drunk driver's car keys away from him"

Don't see why, sackrifice - plenty of Eileen tell other women that they're womanning wrong on here, it's not just solely men that do it

Eileen?! Nooo idea where that came from, think my autocorrect's been in the Christmas cooking sherry lol

Sackrifice

Although they do linger like a bad smell, they are brilliant for anyone who wanders onto the FWR board as they do a great job of demonstrating why we need feminism. Well done fellas 😂

A false analogy. One would be an idiot to leave a bag of money lying on one's front lawn whereas going about one's everyday life is just going about one's everyday life.

But the discussions are rarely about 'going about everyday life' are they?

A better comparison would be drunkenly staggering through a dodgy part of town late at night on your own - equally as stupid as leaving a bag on money on your lawn.

a responsible road safety organisation dealing with road safety would say "don't drink and drive" as the primary message - a secondary message might be "don't get in a car with a drunk driver". "The sole obligation and responsibility to prevent road accidents when drunk however rests 100% on the driver.

RAINN would say "it's your responsibility as a passenger never to accept a lift from a drunk driver and to make sure you take a drunk driver's car keys away from him"

So, by this reasoning there's no point in feminists trying to fight the patriarchy. The sole obligation and responsibility for preventing the patriarchy rests 100% on those who propagate it.

A better comparison would be drunkenly staggering through a dodgy part of town late at night on your own - equally as stupid as leaving a bag on money on your lawn

It is usually the men in that part of town that make it dodgy in the first place. Strange huh?

Although they do linger like a bad smell, they are brilliant for anyone who wanders onto the FWR board as they do a great job of demonstrating why we need feminism. Well done fellas

Don't they just. Every time.

It is usually the men in that part of town that make it dodgy in the first place. Strange huh?

No matter, anybody who neglects to use common sense in potentially dangerous situations because 'they shouldn't have to' is pretty stupid.

So, by this reasoning there's no point in feminists trying to fight the patriarchy. The sole obligation and responsibility for preventing the patriarchy rests 100% on those who propagate it.

I'm not a feminist and I have no interest in dismantling the patriarchy. I am a solicitor, albeit I don't criminal law. It is for all of us to abide by rule of law- not for victims of crime to carry out damage limitation exercises.

Even if I accepted the "preventing the patriarchy " argument, which I don't, you are conflating 2 entirely separate issues. Women , or indeed men, can follow RAINN's reccommendations on safety but in themselves they do nothing to alter the mindset of rapists who do not understand the concept of consent.

No matter, anybody who neglects to use common sense in potentially dangerous situations because 'they shouldn't have to' is pretty stupid
What is this common sense when it is at home?
Women on here point out that men are as a class, dangerous and we are told that we are being mean and men - with no qualification whatsoever - if they say they are women, should be allowed wherever they want to go.

And yet, also women should steer clear of danger.

It's a fucking conundrum.

Any rational person would avoid putting themselves in danger as far as is reasonably practical.

Of course, you shouldn't have to but that's reality. Men understand this, being the principle victims of violence and homicide.

Men understand this, being the principle victims of violence and homicide.

If men understand this, unlike stupid women, how have they continued to be the principle victims of violence and homicide? Surely they just need to keep themselves safe?

If they're the principle victims, then they're obviously not going that good a job of it!

Oh wait, that's victim blaming.

How about dealing with the actual perpetrators of rape and other violent crime, rather than telling women (and male victims) to avoid dangerous (normally known to them) men.

And we're back to rape culture and toxic masculinity...

Scott and RAINN are perpetuating the myth that rapists are drooling strangers lurking in alleyways in shadows waiting to pounce on women. It completely ignores the fact most women know their rapist or meet them socially.

Many years ago in 1st year university I went home with a very beautiful 4th year man I'd just met. I changed my mind about having sex at the very last minute when we were in bed. And guess what- nothing happened- we fell asleep and he made me breakfast in the morning. He was a man who understood how consent works- who fully understood that consent was needed at all times.Being a bit drunk, going home with him, getting undressed did not mean he could assume consent could not be withdrawn.

All men should be like him and education about sex and consent should be portraying men like him as the norm, not some almost impossible gold standard. The mindset of RAINN ignores this. According to the RAINN attitude I'd have brought it on myself if he hadn't behaved like a decent human being (who perhaps not surprisingly turned out to be brilliant at sex when we eventually did it)

How about dealing with the actual perpetrators of rape and other violent crime, rather than telling women (and male victims) to avoid dangerous (normally known to them) men

^Yes.

Any rational person would avoid putting themselves in danger as far as is reasonably practical

Of course, you shouldn't have to but that's reality. Men understand this, being the principle victims of violence and homicide

As others have said they are making a pretty poor fist of it then. Perhaps a curfew would work?

If men understand this, unlike stupid women, how have they continued to be the principle victims of violence and homicide? Surely they just need to keep themselves safe?

Because funnily enough men aren't one big hive mind.

In fact, most men probably have more similarities with the women in their socioeconomic bracket than with the criminal thug who assaults them after a few too many stellas.

In fact, most men probably have more similarities with the women in their socioeconomic bracket than with the criminal thug who assaults them after a few too many stellas

You show a very poor understanding of the circumstances in which rape occurs if you think that all that women need to do to avoid being raped is to avoid the criminal thug who has had a few too many stellas

There are men who still think marital sex without consent is not rape.

Quarter of adults think marital sex without consent is not rape, UK survey finds | Society | The Guardian
www.theguardian.com/society/2018/dec/06/quarter-of-adults-think-marital-sex-without-consent-is-not-uk-survey-finds

You show a very poor understanding of the circumstances in which rape occurs if you think that all that women need to do to avoid being raped is to avoid thecriminal thugwho has hada few too many stellas.

I'm fully aware that most rapes are committed by somebody familiar to the victim, but I'm sure they were also others who were in the wrong place/wrong time.

Because funnily enough men aren't one big hive mind

You just said 'men understand this'.

Which men?

More than 90% of rape and sexual assault victims know their attacker, a new study of almost 1,000 victims says. Hence RAINN advice is irrelevant to most.

Sex attack victims usually know attacker, says new study - BBC News
www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-43128350

Of course, you shouldn't have to but that's reality. Men understand this, being the principle victims of violence and homicide

Which men ? The ones you referred to in this post ^^.