Well it's a very long story and I don't want to talk too much or offend anyone! But I want to be truthful!
We have been together 15 years. I have had a hard life. I was badly abused as a child and have C-PTSD. I left home early and ended up being groomed into the BDSM-kink-poly world, I believed everything they told me about myself, that I primarily existed as a submissive sexual being and that was where I got my worth.
I was depressed and anxious a lot but blamed that on my terrible upbringing, which admittedly didn't help. I had a lot of abusive relationships in this but I always thought it was accidental or even that I was attracted to abusive men, not that the scene was just full of them and that it was a playground for them to abuse women.
It was in this context we got together. I was busy agreeing with everything everyone told me, so nothing he said initially about crossdressing and feeling like he might be trans bothered me at first. I was bi anyway so why should I care, right?
But I was a feminist and he would get super angry about being denied access to Mich Women's Fest - a place we never planned to go anyway, we live no where near there. And I was like of course you wouldn't be able to go and that is their right, women born women have a right to define their own spaces. OMG the drama and anger. "They are all bigots" no matter what kind of example of a woman's only space I brought up, even a rape crisis center where women had been abused by men. They just needed to get over their fear of penis, those bigots (he has never had surgery nor does he intend to).
I didn't know what to say to all of this. Sometimes we would have conversations about this that would end with him screaming, throwing himself on the bed and kicking and crying with a red face like a toddler but this is a grown man we are talking about. Eventually it got so scary and obviously we weren't going to agree and I said look we cannot have conversations about this anymore and he said fine. So we just don't talk about it directly. That was in, like, 2007.
Since then we have had some conversations about it, of course. He went to a therapist and was approved as a woman without having anything done, he doesn't even take hormones! He just shaves and wears makeup and dresses. He also has some sort of other mental issues, among them clearly hypochondria, which is a huge strain sometimes. He has never actually been seriously ill but imagines constantly that he has weird illnesses. He has begun to see he trans community has gone too far mainly because he did not join them in some woman-bashing online mob event one day and he was called truscum or tucute or something like that and kicked out of an online trans community he was in, which is ludicrous, but it at least half "woke" him to how extremist they are all becoming and how it isn't about acceptance anymore. So we can talk about how crazy the "kids" are about it but he still accepts all the basic principles.
He is bisexual but I think like 75% gay. I think truly he would prefer to be with a man over me which is something that makes this different from a lot of the guys I hear about. That is a different kind, Bailey identified 2 basic types of transsexuals and he is the second kind, I think they are less common. He was sleeping with other men for a while but I eventually complained enough that he has stopped.
This is weirdly exhausting to write.
I don't want to break up, I don't want to move, I like our house. I just want somewhere to be honest. idk