Trans Widows escape committee

[TinselAngel]

This is a second attempt to start a thread for women who have been, or are still in unhappy relationships with Trans partners.

Having got out of a marriage to a man who transitioned shortly after we split, it would be good to be able to support others in a similar situation.

I know there's a few of you out there?

Can you post a picture of it?

It says:

“I admire the wife staying with her transitioning husband. Five years ago mine announced he had “gender issues” and our marriage fell apart. Sadly I felt the change was too huge for me to accommodate our son has struggled hugely. We are tired of the “victory narratives” of self-expression and bravery about those transitioning .I have great empathy for my ex but those absent in the story also suffer, and often in silence”
Name and address withheld.

There's also an interview with Grayson Perry talking about his fetish.

I don't know if I'm not as nice as the writer of that letter, or just more cynical. I don't admire or not admire, a wife who stays with her transitioning husband. I feel desperately sorry for her, for not being able to escape all the gaslighting, lies and narcissism.

And I don't have empathy with my ex either! I pity him but that's not really the same thing.

The spousal veto was a veto to transitioning. Because it meant that if your spouse didn't want to end up in a same sex relationship then you couldn't get the GRC. I think spouses should have some rights in the process still because changing gender is a massive unilateral change to the terms of a relationship.

What one party sees as a 'spousal veto' the other party sees as an opportunity to have a say in their own marriage too.

But clearly that's unfair 

Raised eyebrow emoji hasn't posted at the end.

I don't think that I as the spouse should have a veto on STBXHs transition.

I do however think it should be allowed as grounds for divorce. It specifically isn't in Scotland.

I DO HOWEVER, think that the partners/wife's experiences should be considered when looking at the transitioning individuals best medical needs.

My husband isn't gender dysmorphic, he will tell you that, and make a good story.

My experience of his being a porn addled, sexually motivated, abusive cross dresser; who wears women's clothes as part of his humiliation fetish (being a woman is humiliating - nice!) who has demonstrated clearly that he has no problems with having a penis, he made our kids, we were shagging for years quite successfully.

The idiot I'm divorcing is not getting the mental health treatment he needs, because he lies. He's getting so much brave and stunning chat, why would he be honest?

By cutting out our voices, it is cutting off a source of help, restricting the options for him.

Also, waiting for all the TRAs to pile in and tell Grayson Perry that he doesn't understand his own sexuality....Or does that just happen to the wives?

I agree, getting rid of the spousal veto, whilst making transition an automatic ground for divorce (without a wait period) would be a reasonable reform to the current GRC process.

It gives both partners the right to make decisions for themselves and no one is obliged to stay.

thanks for the infor about Amnesty, I am cancelling my DD and have just emailed telling them why

Fame.

Whoops that somehow got cropped.

Well I'm buggered if I'm going to be viewed as faceless and voiceless.

He'd like that, have me as a husk of a woman, while he stoats about horny on being brave and stunning.

No, that's really not how it's going to be going forward.

My DC have a few friends with gender dysphoria at are transitioning F to Male (I do wonder if they fit the autistic uncomfortable with their identity/bodies tbh, who knows). I use every opportunity to point out that "Trans" is an umbrella term including autogynephilia and the absurdity of gender self ID - the insult of men competing in women's events is hitting home.

So basically I encourage them to view those who have gender dysphoria as needing support and acceptance but those who band about "Trans" need to be questioned as to what do you mean by trans...

Hope that makes sense!

This is the time of year my partner has a craving to cross dress. Autumn to late spring is when he needs to dress. Why this time of year. I don't know.
However this year he has said that the need is very strong and he needs me to tell him that he looks ridiculous and to belittle him as much as possible to help him not dress.
Somehow I think this is a twist on his kinky fantasy and he is getting turned in by being humiliated.
I feel I'm being manipulated, as he has said I need to either fully accept his femme self and become as much as a "slut whore lesbian" as he is or be a "mean bitch" and beat him up over it.
Someone tell me what is it like to have a normal healthy sex.ife. A life where a partner enjoys you for you and no pantomime act needed.

Oh Emily

Emily, I feel for you. My ex boyfriend was into 'forced feminisation' fantasies and liked me to humiliate and belittle him while he wore female underwear. That was the part of it that turned him on - the humiliation. He encouraged me to download kindle books which played out these scenarios. Cheerleaders dressing up the jocks in the changing rooms and laughing at them etc.

I only stood it a few weeks. It's a fetish and it made me feel uncomfortable.

You don't have to do this. I know there's more to a relationship than sex but it is a fundamental part and it has to work for both partners, not just one.

I'm with someone else now. Sex is great and he values me for me.

Emily, please LTB.

@EmilyHowardsWife are you and the DC going "Home" at all for Christmas? If so can you stay and just refuse to go back?

What are the barriers to you leaving him?

Emily please leave. People in relationships are meant to be kind to each other.

Emily, you deserve better.

I’ve not been in your position, but I am on my third husband, and I can speak from experience in that entrenched spousal behaviours like this won’t get better without serious work and counselling.

It seems very doubtful that your husband would ever be willing to give up this part of his life, so you really must similarly prioritise your own desires in life.

And that includes a sex life that suits you.

It’s time to be selfish and leave this asshat behind. I promise you, you won’t regret it in the long term.

Oh Emily, why do you think it's this time of year which sets him off? Do you think it's linked to seasonal depression?

You really do not need to stay with this man.

You will get there. I was so scared and depressed, bullied by mine. I felt that I couldn't get away. That I could and was managing it for the kids.

It is SO HARD when you know the reality of this, especially now when half the world seems to be buying into the Disney version of what being Trans is and can only be, whereas you know that you are living in a Brothers Grimm/porn hub production.

You will be believed.

It is shit living this, and having other people get mad at you because your experience doesn't match their imagination.

It's the same rage women get when they try to report sexual violence or inappropriate behaviour from any powerful (or is it just any?) man.