Argh "maiden" name

[HeartsTrumpDiamonds]

What can I use instead of the term "maiden name"?

"Unmarried name" does not sound right. "Previous name" ditto.

Never should have changed the bloody thing in the first place.

So you use two names?
Your Name
and
Your Married Name?

"To be fair that is the correct way of addressing an envelope to a married woman!"
To be fair, that is ONE way of addressing an envelope to a married woman, IF she has changed her name, which that PP had not, and in any case is largely considered old fashioned and ridiculous.

The name I use is not my maiden name, it's my name. The name I was born with.

Quite. I don't have a "maiden name" and never will do (the term shouldn't even exist). My name is my name and always will be.

Even though my mum unfortunately changed her surname, I doubt she'd be too impressed at any post with "Mr and Mrs Dad'sname Surname" - to me that entirely eradicates the woman's identity (which is already undervalued by the still pervasive expectation on women to change surnames).

Just sign it Elizabeth White.

I kept my name when I married, and I usually sign school letters or emails;

Firstname Surname
(Mother)

I only use my married name now (16 years) and every document I have is in my married name, I am officially Elizabeth Marriedname - it is only my email address that is still my.... birth... original.... previous... unmarried name.

I use my name for work inc my email and DH's for home (my children's surname) - when I send emails to school I sign them from my name with (my child's full name's mother/parent) afterwards for clarity. I also have a unisex first name and often get replies assuming I'm their dad. One teacher went all year emailing me as if I was male...

In these days of remarriage/blended families/non-married partners etc etc, surely loads of people have a surname different to their children anyway? I know quite a few, and wouldn't expect teachers to be over-confused!

If I were doing it all over again I would keep my name.

MY name.

I'm sure the teacher will be able to work it out (if they even notice the discrepancy) but if your worried it might be confusing just briefly explain eg 'in case you're wondering, my email address predates my marriage, and then sign with your current name

I signed off

Kind regards
Elizabeth Marriedname

Also update your email so that it reads Elizabeth Brown in the from section even if the email Is [email protected]

Excellent idea, not sure why this didn't occur to me.

Actually all of this is making me want to change back.

There is quite a lot of reasons why.

DH would HATE it though and probably be quite "hurt".

There are quite a lot of reasons grrr

As a complete aside, Prince George is George Cambridge at school.

As you were.

DH would HATE it though and probably be quite "hurt".

It's nothing to do with him, it's your name. You can do whatever you like with it. The pressure on women to change their surnames if they marry irks me, as does men thinking their opinion is relevant in any way. Why don't men change their surnames to their wives if they marry?

If you never use your married name with school they will get used to it.
I kept my name. Communication with schools was a pain at first but I simply signed off as Martha McMartha ( parent of Bob Smith).

Go into the settings of your email and change to either 'first name current surname', or just 'first name', so it doesn't show up as 'old name' in her 'from' list even the actual address is 'old name @...'.

That's exactly what I've done. It would be way too much of a pain to change my email address.

I have a different surname to both my DC and my DH and it's never been a question at the school. Once they know, they know! And don't forget although not exclusively British, many cultures and countries don't expect the woman to take the husband's surname, meaning lots of parents and kids with different surnames. My DD's school is pretty multicultural so imagine this to be norm, rather than the exception.

Also, being referred to as Mrs Marriedsurname is one thing, being referred to as Mrs Robert Marriedsurname is just really... I can't think of the word. Stripping you of your identity, IMHO. So I don't even deserve my own first name now?!

As an aside, I was appealing a parking ticket via email today and couldn't decide whether to use Ms, Mrs or Miss. Which one would endear me more to the jobsworth receiving my complaint? Feminist with sense of self, sensible married woman, or unmarried harlot? It really annoyed me I even had to put in any thought into that one - knowing a 'Mr' wouldn't think twice of it. And has no pejorative associations with being Mr.

It really annoyed me I even had to put in any thought into that one

That is exactly how I feel about this! I am trying to figure out why (and how much) I care whether the teacher addresses me as M(r)s Brown or White.

For some reason just signing off on an innocent little email has opened a whole huge can of worms for me.

Nolove I agree it's my (old) name and I can do what I like with it. DH is very supportive of feminist views (I wouldn't be completely honest if I called him an actual feminist unfortunately) but I can still see him being quite upset and baffled if I announced a name change after 16 years.

I honestly don't mind the term 'maiden name'. It's so obviously a historical term, I don't know when the word 'maiden' ceased to be used in everyday language, but it's so old it's interesting. But I like history and the origins of things. It's sort of so old it's of historical interest rather than offensive to me

Glad to hear your husband is at least supportive of feminist views Hearts! I used to frequently tell my mum she should change her surname back, it still frustrates me a little she ever changed hers (even though it was when marrying my dad before I was born), especially as no-one pressured her to in any way - beyond expectations of society/the idea she'd always grown up with that she would. My dad wouldn't be baffled if it happened because he is also regularly subjected to my sentiments on the matter

"Why don't men change their surnames to their wives if they marry?"
Indeed! When me and the missus (except she isn't a Mrs, but remained a Ms) got married, we toyed with the idea of:

1. Swapping names. :-) Confusing, especially if we'd gone with Mrs&Mrs, we wouldn't know who was who, let alone anyone else! But makes as much sense as taking your partners in the first place........
2. Making a new name by combining first part of hers and second part of mine and vice-versa. Unfortunately both combinations had unfortunate connotations......
3. Double-barreling. Except I need to keep my unmarried name for academic purposes, and we decided it sounded pretentious and just too long!
4. Neither of us changing or altering names in the least! I stay Dr she stays Ms, no new passports to faff about with, easy-peasy! I fully recommend this option..............

I like the swapping names option SomeDyke though agree both keeping surnames makes most sense!

"My name" surely covers it?